Do men understand that women may not be comfortable meeting right off the bat?


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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #41  July 2,2009, 8:25pm
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Michael1974 wrote :
You have had your share of crazy guys.

You don't know the half of it!
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #42  July 2,2009, 8:40pm

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So Red, I am curious...do you feel differently now with meeting?

I know when I first started edating and I got to OC and the guy would just send his contact information right off the bat - I thought whoa - buddy! I don't know you!.

But I think after I got use to the process I did not really want a lot of OC time. Maybe just a few and then OK, let's meet.

So what do you think now? 6 months down the road?
 
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redevil999 is offline redevil999 Post #43  July 2,2009, 9:06pm
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D_Lion wrote :
You don't know the half of it!
Do you?
Last edited by redevil999; July 2,2009 at 9:06pm. Reason: And you keep ignoring my question brat!
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #44  July 2,2009, 9:23pm

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redevil999 wrote :
Do you? And you keep ignoring my question brat!
Yes, the man that prides himself on his honesty does seem to evade quite a lot....Ummmm???
 
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redevil999 is offline redevil999 Post #45  July 2,2009, 9:38pm
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LizziePooh wrote :
So Red, I am curious...do you feel differently now with meeting?

I know when I first started edating and I got to OC and the guy would just send his contact information right off the bat - I thought whoa - buddy! I don't know you!.

But I think after I got use to the process I did not really want a lot of OC time. Maybe just a few and then OK, let's meet.

So what do you think now? 6 months down the road?
Great question Lizzie!

Some things I do feel differently about. I absolutely understand about meeting sooner rather than later. I still think it's a good idea to have a few emails beforehand to weed out people that are just "off".

I trusted my instincts with the guy in this op and closed him after he seemed so evasive to my repeated requests for a little email conversation. He sent me an email after that as he was shocked that I closed him and thought it was a mistake.

I told him communication was very important to me and asked him if maybe I was missing something... was there a reason he didn't want to converse through email. He sent me a msg saying "yes, call me @...." He clearly wasn't getting it.

Around three months later he sent me another msg through eha saying he thought I'd like him if I got to know him. How would I ever find that out if he didn't want to communicate with me? I didn't bother responding as I felt I was very clear and there wasn't any point in beating it to death. I have no regrets.

I've come a long way baby!

I agree with you, a few emails, maybe a couple of phone conversations before meeting should be good, but that was pretty much what I was looking for at the time. The difference is before I probably would have let it stay in that phase longer and now I would push for a meet at that point.

I still want to know that a guy is considerate of my sense of safety, that's just being courteous.
Last edited by redevil999; July 2,2009 at 9:41pm.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #46  July 2,2009, 10:09pm

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That would definitely be a bad sign. I lucked out that if I got a guy like that in the first OC, they were gracious to respect a few emails first.

As for the phone for me - I don't like talking on the phone with a guy I never met before - I much prefer the phone call to be just planning the date.

I remember this one match, he was really surprised the first call. I could tell. But he turned out to be a great date. We went out twice and then I poofed. I know...bad lizzie...but I do have a hard time telling a guy I am just not into him. I probably will never do that again, the poofing at least when we have gone out - it was very wimpy of me. And a shame too that I did not find him attractive because he really was probably an excellent match for me. Now that was a fun, successful, committed-minded kind of guy and he liked me - I could tell. But darn, I just could not do it.

Ha! Ha! That was before the forums - before I knew about poofing - before I knew who pays first or the ramifications of not offering or only offering because you don't really mean it. And he was the guy that was a really bad speller, had a picture of himself in the bathroom mirror and the guy that wanted to meet on the first email. But he was sweet and sincere and endearingly embarrassed about using an edating site. He was quite successful and quite fun and quite charming and I really believe extremely genuine (of course I would need time to be sure). Funny, I let that guy get away. I hope other women are giving him a chance past all the crazy stuff that we tend to get hung-up on when viewing these itsy-bitsy profiles that really can not convey what a person is really like.
Last edited by LizziePooh; July 2,2009 at 10:11pm. Reason: Thanks for letting me share my random light bulb moment.
 
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westend_woman is offline westend_woman Post #47  July 2,2009, 10:32pm
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Hell, be grateful the men want to meet you at all.

I have found that no one will meet.....and rarely anyone will engage in conversation either.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #48  July 3,2009, 7:07am
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redevil999 wrote :
Great question Lizzie!

Some things I do feel differently about. I absolutely understand about meeting sooner rather than later. I still think it's a good idea to have a few emails beforehand to weed out people that are just "off".

I trusted my instincts with the guy in this op and closed him after he seemed so evasive to my repeated requests for a little email conversation. He sent me an email after that as he was shocked that I closed him and thought it was a mistake.

I told him communication was very important to me and asked him if maybe I was missing something... was there a reason he didn't want to converse through email. He sent me a msg saying "yes, call me @...." He clearly wasn't getting it.

Around three months later he sent me another msg through eha saying he thought I'd like him if I got to know him. How would I ever find that out if he didn't want to communicate with me? I didn't bother responding as I felt I was very clear and there wasn't any point in beating it to death. I have no regrets.

I've come a long way baby!

I agree with you, a few emails, maybe a couple of phone conversations before meeting should be good, but that was pretty much what I was looking for at the time. The difference is before I probably would have let it stay in that phase longer and now I would push for a meet at that point.

I still want to know that a guy is considerate of my sense of safety, that's just being courteous.
You're totally evolving in your online dating.
 
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GILKEY is offline GILKEY Post #49  July 3,2009, 8:33am
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Of the 6 OPEN matches I met in person when I was a member of E/H I met all but one in public places such as busy restaurants.
The first two dates I had were cancelled by my matches. I later married one of these ladies.
 
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GILKEY is offline GILKEY Post #50  July 3,2009, 8:38am
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westend_woman wrote :
Hell, be grateful the men want to meet you at all.

I have found that no one will meet.....and rarely anyone will engage in conversation either.
Of the 6 OPEN matches I met in person when I was a member of E/H I drove 60 miles to meet one, 89 miles to meet one, 120 miles to meet two, 250 miles to meet one, and 270 miles to meet the one I married. (one way distances)
 
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