yetanotherdavid is offline yetanotherdavid Post #1  March 17,2008, 9:28pm
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Has anyone else noticed that it isnear impossiblefor a guy to ask a woman about their level of verbal intimacy without them thinking it is a sex question?



I close any match who doesn'tget it but wonder if anyone else has had the same difficulty. I want to find a woman who knows herself well enough to be ready to date for the right reason. I want to be able to discuss who we are deep inside and find that special someone who knows herself well enough and is open and comfortable enough to talk about herself and not answer with what she thinks I want to hear. This means she needs to know what she wants and be willing to share the information equaly. It isn't a sex question!



And they say we guys can't communicate...
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #2  March 18,2008, 2:01pm

It's almost time folks.....

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I've had the same thing with most guys too - that's one of the questions I used to ask in my early days on eH, but I constantly received sex-related answers, so I stopped asking it as it wasn't providing me the information that I was looking for.
 
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yetanotherdavid is offline yetanotherdavid Post #3  March 18,2008, 3:28pm
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Red Sox Girl,71268 wrote :
I've had the same thing with most guys too - that's one of the questions I used to ask in my early days on eH, but I constantly received sex-related answers, so I stopped asking it as it wasn't providing me the information that I was looking for.
I guess I will have to remove it too. I thought it was a great question... but it may have to be reworded to... "How self aware are you and how willing are you to share that very personal information with another" so we can continue to ask it in the very first line of questions. Some of us are looking for evolved from the start and wish to avoid the people still trying to find themselves.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #4  March 18,2008, 3:53pm
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""Some of us are looking for evolved from the start and wish to avoid the people still trying to find themselves."" Excellent comment!! Great way of putting it, I couldn't agree more.

I still ask that particular question and no doubt, the majority of the time, I get a sex related answer, sometimes pretty graphic. Which, in itself is kind of interesting because if they aren't getting the gist of the question by reading the multiple choice answers offered, then they really aren't paying attention!
 
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SkyHawk is offline SkyHawk Post #5  March 18,2008, 5:28pm
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I like your rewording! Actually, I use that question and have never received a sex-related response. I do get a lot of men who tiptoe around it though. They also tiptoe around the question about being afraid -- as if they aren't supposed to get afraid! I agree that it would be nice if people would stop answering according to what they think the other person wants to hear. It's about integrity.
 
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BILLGOLF is offline BILLGOLF Post #6  March 18,2008, 6:38pm
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I have been asked this question only a few times. I suspect most women believe guys are not so good in this area and, therefore she already knows the true answer.
 
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Joanne is offline Joanne Post #7  March 19,2008, 6:42am
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Red Sox Girl,71268 wrote :
I've had the same thing with most guys too - that's one of the questions I used to ask in my early days on eH, but I constantly received sex-related answers, so I stopped asking it as it wasn't providing me the information that I was looking for.
I do not use this question any longer because of the same reason. Though, it was good way to introduce the ideal about using the phone to communicate. I like talking on the phone. However, I am a woman and I will NOT give out my phone number.

I ask for his phone number or use the Secure Call. However, the Secure Call will only work in USA & Canada. So if your match is an overseas matches, the phone system will not work until eHarmony corrects this problem. At least it is good to know that your match is oversea especially if he lead you to believe he was in the USA &/or Canada.
 
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yetanotherdavid is offline yetanotherdavid Post #8  March 19,2008, 12:27pm
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lucky173,71320 wrote :

""Some of us are looking for evolved from the start and wish to avoid the people still trying to find themselves."" Excellent comment!! Great way of putting it, I couldn't agree more.

I still ask that particular question and no doubt, the majority of the time, I get a sex related answer, sometimes pretty graphic. Which, in itself is kind of interesting because if they aren't getting the gist of the question by reading the multiple choice answers offered, then they really aren't paying attention!
Thank you for the confirmation! I see that I am not alone. I guess the offended match is lucky I closed the discussion rather than ask for further intellectual intercourse. I would have been reported to the EH authorities.
 
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yetanotherdavid is offline yetanotherdavid Post #9  March 19,2008, 12:43pm
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SkyHawk,71371 wrote :
I like your rewording! Actually, I use that question and have never received a sex-related response. I do get a lot of men who tiptoe around it though. They also tiptoe around the question about being afraid -- as if they aren't supposed to get afraid! I agree that it would be nice if people would stop answering according to what they think the other person wants to hear. It's about integrity.
Thank you! If someone is not a leastbit afraid then they have nothing invested and nothing risked... result will be nothing gained. We men are trained and reinforced in life to not speak of weakness or fear... most women want strength from a man... always. So, we sometimes pretend to be strong or avoid the issue. A true strong man faces everything... evenwith fear... but stll he faces it.
 
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yetanotherdavid is offline yetanotherdavid Post #10  March 19,2008, 12:56pm
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BILLGOLF,71422 wrote :
I have been asked this question only a few times. I suspect most women believe guys are not so good in this area and, therefore she already knows the true answer.
You and I know they would be right in a majority of cases. We guys don't always make the effort to communicate effectively with women. I would argue that we are capable with those who say we are not. I think it is a choice. Hey, sometimes we are lazy and will let them take care of everything and just say, "Yes dear" or tell our buddies "Ya just can't win, so why try." Well... I'm the kind who willknock my head against a brick wall until bloody. I try. So, how do we weed out the week minded and find the ones who will appreciate us beyond friendship? What question can be used that is not misinterpreted?
 
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