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bigblueyes70 bigblueyes70 is offline
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How about this one. You finally get a guy to communicate with you. You do all the guided answers and when it finally gets to open communication he puts you on hold because he is pursuing another relationship. What up with that? After you deleted all the ones that didn't respond and had all the one's that closed, you finally have someone you think is interested and then BAM you are on hold! I think that's the most frustrating. I with people would make up their minds! To make matters worse he started the communication! I'm really beginning to doubt eH's ads!
- December 22nd, 2007, 08:55 am
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teacher_mle teacher_mle is offline
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Hi everybody. I agree with MW77009. I also think that people are rejecting a picture and a few paragraphs. It is very difficult to be rejected. I have had several men close matches. When I first saw "closed", I wondered why they rejected me and started to wonder if the other matches were more physically attractive. After a few weeks of feeling depressed, I prayed and asked myself,"What is the worst thing that could come out of being frequently rejected?" I realized that multiple rejections are not ideal, but I can still feel good about who I am.

You have a choice. You can edit your profile if you feel as if your profile may not be an accurate representation of your true self. If you are satisfied with your profile, keep it. You can allow the rejection to affect your self-concept.

Keep in mind that eHarmony doesn't guarantee that you will meet a partner. Life situations are not always under our control and it may also be necessary to try to find alternative means to meet new people.

As my mind started to renew, I think others started to notice. New men have asked for my phone number and one asked me out on a date.

I understand those who are frustrated. If you need any encouragement, I hope this helps. Merry Christmas!
- December 22nd, 2007, 03:46 pm
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bugstomper bugstomper is offline
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Seems to me, after being on eHarmony for a year that this type of service is a new learning experience for many of us. We learn that if our match closes us after a time it becomes a "so what", and we learn that until we actually meet someone and become part of their lives that we have no clue what is happening in their lives or why they actually "closed." Face it - an eHarmony match provides us with access to someone having many similarities, and yet we still do not know them. Only when we become invested in their lives should we become concerned about "closed" as meaning rejection. I suspect that if after being on eHarmony for quite awhile and you are still getting upset by someone closing the match that you should start wondering about yourself and why this bothers you so much. Who knows - maybe it was your next-door married spouse that just found out who you are and decided to close the match before it went any further.
- December 23rd, 2007, 12:35 am
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MW77009 MW77009 is offline
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I have been doing this for two years. I have long sense stopped taking much of what is said and done (or not and not said) too seriously. After all, until you meet the person and visit for awhile, you are dealing with a perfect stranger. Thus, there is little reason to invest too much emotional energy into the process. Then it will always be frustrating and rarely rewarding.

Finding someone is a numbers game. Internet dating allows you to interact with a large volume of people. The downside is you have to deal with the inherent frustrations. The advantage to something like eharmony is that the matching system ostensibly weeds out potential partners that would not work, serial daters and those not interested in a serious relationship. In that way, it is a time saver because you do not have to spend hours wading through profiles on Match and trying to figure out if there is any level of compatability or if they are goofy or if they are professional daters etc... That said, I have met alot of great people through EH. I can see where the matching system does tend to pair me up with people with whom I got along well. The dates have never been awkward like some from other internet dating sites.

The reason none of them progressed to a serious long term relationship is probably due to any one of a million factors not taken into account by the system. No system is perfect but this one is close enough for government work IMHO.

My recommendation is to be patient. Invest energy and time (but not too much emotional capital) and be realistic. I always believe that if you decide you want something and work towards it, you will get it.
- December 26th, 2007, 10:51 am
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lablady lablady is offline
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I agree that you have to be careful not to get too emotional in the beginning. When I first started using EH I was hurt when someone closed me. Now I look at it as at least they responded in some way even if it was to close me. I'm not left hanging.
I also start communication with the majority of the men who I am matched with. I want to give it the best shot I can. I end up spending a lot of time waiting for the men to answer (most don't). I still would rather do this than go to the bars to try to meet someone.
While I'm waiting for responses I live my life. I also no longer wait for someone to do the things I've always wanted to do. I go out and do them!
Good luck to everyone on your search! Happy New Year!
- December 26th, 2007, 07:41 pm
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jfc73 jfc73 is offline
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I agree with MV77009 about not being too serious about things(easier said than done). If you get closed before you get to "open communication" it really should not be a big deal. I think the provided reasons are really not that significant. Therefore, one should not sweat it.
Once in "open communication" if you are closing then you need to give some explanation. In this case it is wrong to just disappear. A person deserves better than that.

I have found that rejection in the early part of the process is not all that bad. It hurts more when you meet and invest time with a person that rejection hurts more.

The best thing is to pray and keep reaching out to people.


- December 27th, 2007, 11:08 am
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mytwocents mytwocents is offline
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Some people are frustrated because their matches don't respond. Others are frustrated because they respond but close the match, sometimes by even indicating the dreaded "other" reason. Either way, you can't win if you focus on the negatives. We've all closed people out for various reasons. But bottom line, it was not someone with whom we thought we wanted to be in a relationship. That's ok. In less than a year I've had hundreds of matches. I can't possibly be in a relationship with that many people, especially people I've never met. It's not personal. One of my biggest regrets was meeting this great guy and then closing out other potential matches too soon because I found myself comparing them to "Mr. Wonderful." The problem? Mr. Wonderful wasn't as available as he led me to believe. I would have been better off putting matches on hold while I explored this opportunity a little longer. But people don't like to be put on hold, they close you out. I've closed out men who've put me on hold. Maybe we just want to be the ones in control and don't like being "shopped" and "put back on the shelf while the match circles the store". When someone "rejects" you on this site, it's not about you, it's about them and what they are experiencing. Don't take in personally. I know... easier said than done. I was preaching to myself there. :^)
- December 30th, 2007, 09:52 pm
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MWB60110 MWB60110 is offline
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I always get a laugh from women that live 2-10 miles from me and close the match with the “I think the physical distance between us is too great.” There is an upside here; I didn't waste time on someone with the IQ of a rock. With over 1700 closed matches, most of which are non-responders, it’s refreshing to be closed for a silly reason. Time to get back on topic… Inconsiderate members of this site are also inconsiderate people and why would anyone want to communicate with them anyway? Sure it doesn’t help us meet someone but for those of us that do deserve to be treated better then this it's a blessing in disguise. If people are too inconsiderate, stupid or full of themselves to take a minute to close a match, but it on hold or temporarily stop receiving new matches on something as simple as this site just imagine how poorly they treat people in the real world. There are some things the site can do to keep this people in check but ultimately the site is only as good as the people on it. I try to look at it as playing the lottery. The odds are pretty low and there are better ways to meet someone but you have to make an effort.
- December 31st, 2007, 08:15 am
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goodreadTN goodreadTN is offline
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I've been on eH for about three weeks, so I'm still learning the routine. For Mytwocents: I put a match on hold after we entered open communication because of the same reason. I was comparing him to Mr. Wonderful. As it turns out, Mr. Wonderful turned out to be not-so-available. Meanwhile, Mr. Could Have Been Wonderful closed me out because I put him on hold (I think. He used the "other" option). And now, I'm wondering why I didn't just try to keep both conversations going. Oh well, this is new. I'm learning. This is one crazy ride!
- December 31st, 2007, 03:51 pm
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goldfish11 goldfish11 is offline
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Why do people get so disappointed when their matches get closed. I am actually happy when it happens. I have pages and pages of matches, as I have matches sent every week to me. They've piled up so much that I'm probably not going to every bother going through them and closing, or initiating communication.

Thus, when I get a closed match, it's makes my matches list smaller. Yaay! And I can actually focus on the ones I'm currently communicating with/ interested in.
- January 1st, 2008, 11:11 pm
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