Celebrating five years of marriage this June!


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zephyr1973 is offline zephyr1973 Post #1  May 22,2010, 12:19pm
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My husband and I met on eHarmony in 2004.

I never expected to meet the love of my life online, but I did not seem to be finding such love elsewhere, on my own. I had dated many men, some for several years at a time, and still, I was left with wanting and needing more.

Nothing in life is ever 100% and nothing worth doing is easy. Some will find the "culture" of eHarmony to be, shall we say, compatible with their own personality/lifestyle. Some, will not. I often recommend the use of eHarmony to friends, and find it to be an interesting addition to conversation when people ask how my husband and I met. Is it for everyone? Of course not, but it was right for me and the love of my life, and I am forever grateful that it worked for us.

I met several men through my eHarmony matches and most were very nice and worth the time and effort to get to know. One, however, could have ruined my perception of the entire process, as he was what most women would categorize as "creepy". I think, though, over-all, the men I was matched with were well-matched; I had even been matched with a former boyfriend that remained a close friend - we both had a great laugh over that!

Please do not get discouraged; you never know what is around the next corner. Be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want in a future mate. Do not get so discouraged that you become desperate, accepting any flattery or interest that comes your way. It is much better to be alone than to be with a person that is not right for you.

Had I not met my husband on eHarmony prior to the ending of my stay, I would still praise the site for what it taught me about myself; up until joining eHarmony, I could easily describe what I did NOT want in a future mate, but I had difficulty describing what I DID want. The very process of the "test" helped me think on things I had never considered important before, and I thus became more cognizant of my needs and how they interacted with my desires and personality. Quite frankly, I am surprised there was another soul willing to put up with me!
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #2  May 22,2010, 6:56pm

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Dear zephyr1973,

Wow! Five years of marital bliss with your soul mate! Congratulations to you both.

Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. It is one thing for me and other eHarmony employees to encourage members to stay positive and to not let their experiences with matches that didn't work dishearten them, but it's another thing to hear it from an actual member.

If you don't mind, I was wondering if you might share how long you were on our site before being matched with your husband. Also, was there anything particular you did or an approach you took or a change you made after being on the site a while that you feel directly contributed to your success. Sometimes these details can really help put another member on the road to their success!

In August, eHarmony is going to celebrate our 10th anniversary, and, if you haven't already done so, our Success Stories team would love to hear your story or get an update if it's been a while since our last contact. If you'd like to e-mail us, just click on this link : http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/about/tellus

Congratulations again on your upcoming anniversary, and here's to many, many more!

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #3  May 22,2010, 11:41pm
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Five years is absolutely wonderful. Sometimes the best way to meet someone or anyone , is by taking another route less travelled by others. Hopefully this encourages a lot of others who were having troubles, a little light to guide their way as well.

Take care and best wishes for many more years to come
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  May 23,2010, 9:39am

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Now THIS is what I would call a success story...congrats for the five years!!!
 
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zephyr1973 is offline zephyr1973 Post #5  May 23,2010, 12:26pm
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Renee,
I will do my best to answer your question, but please understand that life is never perfect and each situation is unique; with that said, here are the things I did that may have contributed to having a successful match:

1. I was on eHarmony as a paying consumer for 6 months; in fact, I was nearing the last few days of my contract and did not plan to renew, so the fact that I was matched with my future husband at the last minute sure was a pleasant and unexpected event! I had begun playing with the idea of being on the eHarmony site probably 3 months prior to paying for the membership, and I think it was the initiation of contact by a member that encouraged me to actually join.

2. While on the eHarmony site, I continued to date men I met on and offline. I happened to meet a man via another site that I had gone to high school with, and while pursuing that relationship, I did not login to my eHarmony account. When that relationship ended (mutually, no drama!), I logged back in, knowing I had just a few weeks left on the contract; towards the end of the last week, that's when I was matched with my husband, who I initiated contact with due to reading "the beach" in his favorite things - something that was absolutely imperative to my happiness with any future mate! He was also attractive, and even though I wondered if I would be his type, I gave it a go, and the rest is history!

3. I took time to date myself - yea, sounds quirky, but here's the thing: I was old enough to know what I did not want, having been engaged prior to a man that hurt me deeply, and I was also newly freed from a long-term relationship that had been disingenuous to say the least. I admittedly had walls of protection up, and a heightened sense of what was wrong with men as well as myself, but I did not have a healthy perspective at that point regarding what was good about me and men in general, since I was starting to expect the worse from them all. This lead to #4...

4. As a licensed mental health therapist, I believe in therapy for all people, including myself - yes, we need help too, some of us more than others I decided to speak with another professional that could explore my past and present with the hope that I could make some decisions regarding my future wants and needs. I am not perfect and I needed to explore my faults and how they contributed to my evidently poor choices in relation to men. This was extraordinarily helpful, and I would recommend it for anyone who is attempting to become a better version of themselves. Essentially, I needed to know who I was before I involved myself in another's life.

5. I made myself open to the possibility that my mate lived anywhere in the world. This made it very interesting! No, I never left the country to date and nobody flew here for me, but the possibility was there, and I needed to know I was not hindering God in any way. For some, this seems foolish, but for me, this was meeting my needs for openness and adventure. The man I married was several states away, and I did move to his state once we were married. Because I was open to that, I now work for one of the top hospitals in the nation. I think I "did good".

6. I was cognizant of my instincts and I did not play with anyone's minds or hearts - I had never thought of myself as doing that before, but I was extra careful as I did not want to do that to any man and I also did not want to waste my time pursuing someone I was truly not interested in - it would have gone against my principals and beliefs. I tried to honor each interaction as if it were with a potential mate - and this made a difference. I also used the system as it was meant to be used - if I did not agree with something, or like something a person wrote, I did not continue communication. I stopped pursuing rabbit trails.

7. I was very content at the time just prior to meeting my husband; I loved my career, my life - I was content with being single. This made a big difference, as I was no longer desperate - and my head was clear of the constraints desperation places on one's heart, mind and spirit. God was good to me and I was happy with the person He had allowed me to grow into.

My marriage, like any relationship is not perfect. After many stressors, including having a baby and my husband being diagnosed with a rare cancer, among a myriad of other stressors, we have chosen to see a marriage counselor. We greatly enjoy working with him and though we do not need to see him often, we always enjoy our "tune ups". He was fascinated by our eHarmony match and we were all pleased to see that eHarmony was not off their rocker with the testing instrument(s), as we also took the test the HRCH uses for pre-marital counseling and we had similar results!

It may help to know that in grad school I read some books written by NCW and thought it would be cool to be matched by him - so had my husband

My husband is now entering into year two of recovery and our son turns 3 this July. We bought our second home a year ago and I'm learning how to not kill everything I touch...sort of God has blessed me and my family many times over. I wish each of you the best. Life is an adventure if you allow it to be!
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #6  May 26,2010, 2:57pm

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Dear zephyr1973,

First of all, I want to say I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. I wish him continued good health as he enters into his 2nd year of recovery.

Second, how exciting to hear that your son will be three in July. That's such a special year! Kids verbal skills and thought processes at that age can make for some very amazing communications and conversations.

Third, with all that is going on in your life, I so appreciate you taking the time to share your eHarmony experience in such detail. You are absolutely right, every member's experience will be unique, but there are still some truths about relationships which I feel your story beautifully illustrates. For example, that your relationships can only be as healthy as you are, that even if you meet the love of your life, relationships take work, and that, during particularly tough times, getting assistance can not only help you deal with the presenting challenges, but be enjoyable!

Of course, part of the process for eHarmony members is to evaluate matches to decide who has the potential to be that special match, but unless you clearly know that someone just wouldn't be right for you, I hope members will be inspired to go for it with matches, as you did with your husband. Thankfully, you didn't let the fact that he was states away or that you were concerned that he might not be interested in communicating with you keep you from initiating communication!

Also, I hope members are inspired to approach their search as you did -- with an open heart and positive attitude. While we can't guarantee our members'success, I love when you shared that you "tried to honor each interaction as if it were with a potential mate - and this made a difference." While it many not always be easy to do, I can't help but feel that you are right about the positive impact this choice can make on a member's experience.

I hope you will continue to particpate on our Advice site when you get a spare moment, and I hope that you will contact our Success Stories team, if you haven't already.

All the best to you, your husband, and your little boy!

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host

p.s. The wedding photo of you and your husband on your profile is simply beautiful. You two make a lovely couple!
Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Renee; May 26,2010 at 2:59pm.
 
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