not a success story, but more of a tragedy..

For those who are discouraged, I offer this one bit of encouragement. My best eHarmony match and I just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary. I had been on eHarmony off and on for about a year and was ready to quit again when he and I were matched. And to be honest, I wasn't interested in him at first either. But he was persistent and didn't give up when we met. He wasn't a stalker or anything. He was just himself and kept working at our friendship until my feelings caught up with his. EHarmony is a first step. I would strongly recommend developing a friendship before romance while you get to know each other. And don't give up too soon... whether on the site or once you meet a potential match. Yes there will be LOTS of people that don't respond. But you're really only looking for one person. All those that didn't respond and the matches that didn't work out are REALLY irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Keep active in your offline life, don't let online stuff consume you. If you find yourself obsessing, take a break and gain some perspective. I would also suggest praying and letting God guide your steps, but I realize not everyone believes in that. But that is what worked for us. I wish you all success in finding the love of your life.

Though the original poster may never see this message, since it was posted months ago, I am sure that someone may make use of what I have to say on the general topic of success in online dating.

Online dating is very different from any other dating service or good old fashioned cold approaches. It is entirely about making a first impression, without ever even meeting the person who is looking at raw data that you have given to that person in the form of a profile. Most guys think that means that they should throw facts and figures out there in the hopes that a woman will like what she sees and decide to communicate with them. This does not work... women aren't logical or even rational in their day to day activities, so why guys think this would be any different online is beyond me.

It is all about how you make a woman feel, if your profile is worded in such a way that makes them think you are talking directly to them, they will respond. Likewise, if you seem cool and confident in who you are and are able to show that through humour, you are miles ahead of nearly every other guy out there. Your pictures have a huge effect on your response rate as well, don't let anyone tell you otherwise... this is a dating site, not a friends site. You need attraction, and you will not get it if your pictures are chosen poorly. There are tons of articles out there on what sort of pictures to put up though, so I would suggest googling them.

Another mistake a lot of guys make is waiting to respond, just like they would wait to call if they got a number. DO NOT DO THIS. If a woman is interacting with you, respond, it is not like it takes much time out of your day... most people have blackberries these days as well, which makes it even easier to quickly respond to messages. Why respond quickly? Because the most attractive women on any dating site can get hundreds of emails daily... if you wait, you get forgotten.


I could write for hours, but I hope what I have written helps at least one guy out there.

I am curious to know how you could possibly know what "most guys" are doing.

You are new here. I think if you hang around awhile and join some of the discussions, you will find that there are many points of view. And so far, we haven't figured out the secrets to the universe yet.

And I write this even though I agree with much of what you have written.