not a success story, but more of a tragedy..


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shedeville is offline shedeville Post #11  March 10,2010, 1:15pm
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I wonder, latinluvah ... have you considered the fact that your very screen name makes you look like a dork? (Maybe it's not the name on your profile; I don't know how that works.)

Maybe you actually want to attract women who like the sounds of that. But maybe you aren't really that shallow yourself, and aren't really looking for women that shallow?

Do you know what you want in a woman? Or does, like, 5'5", C-cup and blonde about cover it?

I've been an on-line matching/meeting afficionado for a decade and a half. I've met, fallen for, been disappointed by, had great times with, a number of men. I realized early on that I needed to be very disciplined. I did know what I wanted in a man -- and what I didn't want. And if a profile showed something I didn't want (one reference to women as "ladies" or "girls" and it was click on by) or didn't show something I did want (if you're an atheist and a socialist, I think you're going to consider that worth mentioning; if not, click on by), I had to avoid deluding myself into thinking aw, maybe he'd really like me even though he wants somebody 15 years younger than himself; maybe he's my perfect match even though he goes to church, or can't spell, or votes Reform.

So the corollary is: you need to have a profile that tells people what you think is important about you. Or shows it. If you think you're funny, don't say you think you're funny; be funny! Be specific: people don't "like politics", they hold political views; they don't just "like travel", they have great travel stories.

Myself, I couldn't care less about pictures, and in fact prefer not to see them. But hey, that's me. Just too deep.

About 10 years ago I'd got a little jaded with the on-line matching/meeting thing, and had been annoyed by a couple of clearly unsuitable people who had recently contacted me and had then got huffy when I spoke my mind. One Friday afternoon, I got an email from someone replying to an entertainingly no-nonsense posting of mine: basically, I'm a feminist, an atheist and a socialist and if you aren't, go away. He briefly addressed a couple of the things my posting said with some humourously phrased info about himself. I replied: I'm jaded and tired out; tell me your thoughts on Kosovo. He didn't get my reply until after the weekend. On Monday morning when I dialed up, there were his thoughts on Kosovo ... 8 emails' worth. A match made in heaven, that was. Oops.

You aren't a generic man, and you aren't looking for a generic woman, presumably. I would really put some serious effort into figuring out what is important about you and to you, and making sure your profile reflects that!
Last edited by shedeville; March 10,2010 at 1:17pm. Reason: typo
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #12  March 10,2010, 3:41pm
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zed91254 is offline zed91254 Post #13  March 11,2010, 12:47am
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Dear Ms. Renee,

I don't mean to sound mean or a jerk or anything like that, but I knew that I would hear the company line. As I said, I've had my profile up for 4 years now and have fairly regularly tweaked it to improve the sound of it, but I'm not going to misrepresent myself as I have experienced with a few people on the site. I am who I say I am, my pictures are of me and recent, I've described myself very well without resorting to tall tales. Yet still nothing.

The "success stories" shown on your commercials seem to me to be fairy tales with actors, not real people. This is as frustrating and as intimidating as watching commercials for other products aimed at the "beautiful people." In other words, I am still not convinced with the company's efforts. You've covered your back just fine with the statement " we don't guarantee success." For $50 a month you should have some kind help to offer rather than "oh dear, that is so sad. I'm sorry we can't do anything for you." But you're quite content to take the money. I've just joined this aspect of the website to see if there might be some actual help or encouragement. And not only are your commercials aimed at the "beautiful people", they are aimed at the young crowd, not those of us in our 50s, the tall not the short, the majority not the minorities. But if I left those parts of my profile blank (I'm 55, 5'2", and Hispanic), I'd be taken on the carpet for misrepresenting myself, and I think rightfully so. My profile also indicates that i am intelligent, a good conversationalist on many topics, humorous, honest, trustworthy, and friendly and open. I have matched almost to a T many attributes that women with whom I've been matched are looking for, it's all there on my profile, and still nothing.

If I received a note from an interested woman, even if I were not interested I would at least acknowledge receipt of the message and try to kindly say I'm not interested, but women don't write to the man first.

So essentially, I have followed advice as has been published regarding my profile on the site to no avail. So now what?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #14  March 11,2010, 1:01am
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if you have been doing the same thing for 4 years with no success, time to do something different.
 
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zed91254 is offline zed91254 Post #15  March 11,2010, 8:42am
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scarlet13 wrote :
if you have been doing the same thing for 4 years with no success, time to do something different.
Well that's why I'm here to get some advice on what to do, not statements of the obvious. As far as I can tell, the "something different" is to either plain misrepresent myself or flat-out lie, which I'm not going to do. Perhaps it sounds foolish to some of you, but there are principles by which I live. So WHAT CAN I ACTUALLY DO?????????
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #16  March 12,2010, 5:58pm

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Dear zed9125,

I’m sorry you felt my sincere efforts to help was just spouting the “company line.” I can see that sometimes it may feel this way because our suggestions are often the same. But if someone is dissatisfied with the rate of communication they are experiencing, the best advice and support is to help them create the best profile possible.

Toward that end, I am also sorry you interpreted my suggestion to review your profile to make sure it represented you in the best way possible as an encouragement to misrepresent who you are? If you clicked on the article links I provided, you will see that that is something I never recommend.

In my previous e-mail, I provided you a link regarding our TV couples. I would also encourage you to take a look at our Success Stories page so you can see “real people” who have found the Love of their Life on eHarmony: http://www.eharmony.com/success

And, zed9125, I also don't want to "sound mean or a jerk, but during the registration process, we state upfront that we can’t guarantee a member’s success so anyone thinking about joining our service can do so fully informed. If someone objects to that statement for any reason, they should not join our service. We also state that in our Terms and Conditions of Service.

I know you feel that we have taken your money are not wanting to help or encourage you, but that was exactly what I was trying to do in my previous e-mail. If you do not wish to take my suggestions, that is your call. But what do you have to lose by trying them? Isn’t it possible that you may get some helpful feedback that improves your experience?

As I said in my previous e-mail, eHarmony Advice was created so members could get support and encouragement. So, while I hope you’ll reconsider my suggestions, if you still find them suspect or feel they have no chance of improving your eHarmony experience, I hope some actual eHarmony members can provide you suggestions or encouragement you do find helpful.

All the best,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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hipgirl is offline hipgirl Post #17  March 25,2010, 6:06pm
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Girls get bored reading paragraphs???
I for one can say I very much want to see some good descriptive writing skills, it means you have a brain and have something to say.
What are you looking for in a relationship? Perhaps reflect on that. Are your interests just "sports, hunting & fishing?" Elaborate.
What are your pics like? Show them to your friends, female friend preferably and ask them what they would think of them if they didn't know you.
Good luck and don't give up
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #18  April 11,2010, 5:01pm
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zed91254 wrote :
I have to agree with latinluvah. I have been on this site for three years, active as a subscriber off and on approximately 2-3 months at a time (remember this is at $49.95 per month in these horrible economic times) and I have had not a single response from any of the women I have contacted, they don't even respond to the stupid questions that are sent.

I have a decent profile, I explain myself quite clearly. I have pictures up, recent pictures, and I am not bad looking--I mean I don't exactly look like 20 miles of bad road or anything. I realize I'm not Adonis, but I'm not a toad either. Still nothing. I'm intelligent, a college professor who doesn't look or sound like a stuffed shirt stereotype of same. I've been told I'm friendly, funny, approachable, kind, sensitive. And I've also been told I am "too nice". How in the world can someone be "too nice"?
I am surprised that you haven't shown up in my matches, you seem to fall pefectly into all of my criteria except maybe distance. Maybe if you checked YOUR settings to make sure that they are allowing everyone who might be a good match for you to get through? Just a suggestion.
 
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Co6aka is offline Co6aka Post #19  June 4,2010, 10:35pm
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hipgirl wrote :
Girls get bored reading paragraphs???
Girls? Absolutely! I received this from a "match" on another site: "Your profile is long and it's past my bedtime."

(I'm still laughing.)

I wrote her back, "Yeah, I used to have that problem when I was in kindergarten."

Any WOMEN out there?
 
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Suspicious1 is offline Suspicious1 Post #20  June 19,2010, 2:16pm
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Personally, I am suspicious of any guy who lists very little in his profile, as though he's trying to hide something about himself, as well as those who don't post photos. The more someone is honest with themselves and others, the better for everyone on this site. If one is genuinely searching for a special someone with compatible characteristics, they will be upfront in their profiles and post CURRENT photos of themselves. All too often on these dating websites are people that claim to be one way (honest, have integrity, physically fit, etc), and they turn out just the opposite - picture taken 50 lbs. and 10 yrs. prior.
 
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