eHarmony Success Story - GONE WRONG!


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ATL_guy411 is offline ATL_guy411 Post #1  February 4,2009, 1:09pm
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Long story short - I met a wonderful lady on EH and we fell madly in love! Married a few months later and I was blissfully happy for more than a year. She was everything I had ever wished for and more. I was excited to be another living and breathing testimonial to the wonders of the EH phenomenon.

As we were preparing to leave on a trip to celebrate our first anniversary there was a change in her demeanor - major shift - but she was reluctant to talk about it and became withdrawn and distant. When the truth came out - she said she had "accidentally" discovered that her ex BF had been killed in a motorcycle accident within a few days from the last time she spoke with him. This had happened a couple of years earlier, but she only just learned of it. He had seemed to disappear, and she never found out why or what had become of him.

I tried to be understanding and supportive, but she refused to talk about it and remained distant and disconnected from me for months afterward. She seemed to be "going through the motions" with me, but it was very obvious that the spark and emotional connection we had always seemed to share was missing. I tried to talk with her, wrote her long letters reminding her how much I loved her and how would always be there for her, and trying to remind her that while tragic, he was in her past and was gone, never to return, and that meanwhile, she had a husband who was very much alive and wanting his beloved wife back.

She eventually decided to take a trip across the country to San Francisco to visit a friend and take a sabbatical; a "mental health" holiday, which I supported. I agreed to stay behind to take care of her daughter and to "hold down the fort." The night before she was to leave, I found an email thread on our computer that revealed that the friend she told me she was visiting had actually moved away from the Bay Area, and in reality she was going to spend a week with the ex-BF's best buddy. I dug deeper into her email and found that, even though they had never actually met, they had been chatting on-line for quite a while and were planning a romantic holiday - a tour of the wine country, overnight stays in B&B's and both were pretty graphic about being open to - and actually expecting that the trip would include - sex.

I confronted her with what I had found but she was angry with me for "snooping" and went anyway, leaving me behind to care for her daughter. (From a previous relationship.)

Needless to say, we ended things shortly after she returned. I was crushed, and disappointed to say the least. She admitted that they had sex, and even had the audacity to tell me that she expected to see him again in the future, and that if I wanted to keep our marriage going, I was going to have to accept that. (I couldn't believe it either!) So it was OVER....

Moral of the story - don't be fooled into thinking that EH - or any other site - can insure that you will have a good outcome. Take time to really, really get to know someone, and be sure you have worked through the issues with your ex before trying to committ yourself to a new relationship.

Any other stories of folks who have had your eHarmony fairy tale imploded and incinerated?
 
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Xfiredadof1 is offline Xfiredadof1 Post #2  February 20,2009, 4:05pm
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Mine isnt that bad. I just keep getting matched with my ex on every site that I have gone to.
 
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BeccaBear is offline BeccaBear Post #3  February 21,2009, 7:44pm
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Honestly this is why I think people should be dating for AT LEAST a year before getting engaged and then have a long engagement. People usually don't show their true colors until they feel they are not going to be kicked to the curb for doing something not so pleasant. It's a natural human trait. I'm sorry for what happened to you. There is no excuse for cheating. And from the looks of it she was cheating on you for a long time. Emotionally anyway. I hope this doesn't get you down and that you find someone that really is someone that you deserve. Don't let one person ruin what you could possibly find with someone else. Not everyone is that untrustworthy or manipulative.
 
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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #4  February 23,2009, 2:05pm
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ATL_guy411, wrote :

Long story short - I met a wonderful lady on EH


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Any other stories of folks who have had your eHarmony fairy tale imploded and incinerated?
So what does the long version look like?
 
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LILMSL8 is offline LILMSL8 Post #5  February 23,2009, 7:24pm
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I met a man on e-harmony in October. He was quite honestly the sweetest man I'd ever met. I was smitten. In November, while playing hockey, he took a stick to the eye and lost it. I stood by his side - practically moved in to his home to take care of him, as his family was quite a distance away. I worried and fretted over him, showing him much love and support as he healed. He asked me to marry him. Frightened at the prospect - I said yes, as I felt I had been in enough bad relationships to know that this was the real thing. All was going beautifully until February - we had a couple of disagreements, and I discovered he didn't accept my differing opinion all that well. I opted to go back to my apartment and give him some space to deal with his anger - he was furious that I suggested that, and packed up all my belongings and took me to my place. We worked things out & things were, again, going beautifully. Valentine's Day I asked to borrow his computer, while getting off I decided to check the history - & discovered he was still on E-Harmony, checking out other women while engaged to me. I ended the relationship, but am left shocked/shattered.
 
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qubee is offline qubee Post #6  February 24,2009, 8:16pm
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LILMSL8,502251 wrote :

I met a man on e-harmony in October. He was quite honestly the sweetest man I'd ever met. I was smitten. In November, while playing hockey, he took a stick to the eye and lost it. I stood by his side - practically moved in to his home to take care of him, as his family was quite a distance away. I worried and fretted over him, showing him much love and support as he healed. He asked me to marry him. Frightened at the prospect - I said yes, as I felt I had been in enough bad relationships to know that this was the real thing. All was going beautifully until February - we had a couple of disagreements, and I discovered he didn't accept my differing opinion all that well. I opted to go back to my apartment and give him some space to deal with his anger - he was furious that I suggested that, and packed up all my belongings and took me to my place. We worked things out & things were, again, going beautifully. Valentine's Day I asked to borrow his computer, while getting off I decided to check the history - & discovered he was still on E-Harmony, checking out other women while engaged to me. I ended the relationship, but am left shocked/shattered.
there are times when you will feel totally depressed after something of this nature, but I can honestly say that you do not forsake looking again. It's just that in this society,there are more "pockets" of jerky men out there. You will be fine, once you can heal yourself from idiots of the like. There are definitely "good and strong" guys out there. Consider yourself a lighthouse and that ONE ship will find you.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #7  February 25,2009, 1:35pm

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I sincerely regret to hear about the experiences shared on this thread. While we match our members based on those qualities shown to be the foundation of a long-lasting, highly-compatible relationship, only time can tell ifamatch is really The One. That is why Dr. Warren, the founder of eHarmony, recommends that you take 1 to 2 years getting to know each other before you consider marriage.


Like BeccaBear and qubee, I also want to encourage anyone who has had a negative experience with someone they met through our site not to let it keep you from finding that special someone. There is something to be gained and learned from all relationships, and I hope that, after taking some time to process your experience, you will continue your search for the person you deserve to be with.


All the best.


-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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sunshine930 is offline sunshine930 Post #8  February 25,2009, 8:25pm
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I dated a wonderful man for a year that I met on eH. I thought he was the ONE, but he never got over his ex-wife that he was married to for 30 years!!! He broke up with me to reconcile with her!! I am crushed!!! I asked him why he joined eH. He THOUGHT he was over the past, but apparently he was not. I will try again, but now right now. I have to heal first.
 
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gr8galmv is offline gr8galmv Post #9  February 27,2009, 5:45pm
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6 mo. into dating my EH guy and still feels like I've won the EH lottery!

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I don't believe eHarmony ensures a good outcome. And you're soooo right and spot on in your advice to take time to really get to know someone. I don't know why but I've found a good number of folks who meet through the eHarmony system seem to rush to the engagement after just a few months of meeting. I have no idea how people can say that they really know someone much less love someone without having weathered a few storms and a year or so worth of dating. Sorry to hear about your outcome.
 
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Angel418 is offline Angel418 Post #10  March 2,2009, 4:12pm
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my goodness yes...take TIME folks and if you see something that your "gut" is telling you is wrong...it is and pay attention to that...it may lead to you a place you dont like but it will reveal the truth and save you from future heartache....


eyes open and heart in check folks...it is not the service, it is your actions!!!
 
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