eHarmony Success Story - GONE WRONG!

Not everyone who gets divorced wants the divorce ~ some states allow the divorcing party to obtain one regardless if the other party wants to work on the marriage through counseling.

I met a wonderful man on EH. We dated 2 years almost to the day we got married. He was wonderful to me and my kids until after the wedding. 1 year and 3 therapist later I left. He was mentally and emotionally abusive. It has been a couple of years since this happened and I am back on EH because I don't think it matters where you meet them unfortunately some are rotten. Hoping it will be better the next time.

Moral of the story - don't be fooled into thinking that EH - or any other site - can insure that you will have a good outcome.

I agree with this.


This is a flaw that not many people recognize in any online dating service that "matches" people. There is this expectation that because it is scientific it must be fool proof. I think the experts here would agree that there is nothing scientific about relationships. All they can do is put two people together. It's up to us to do the rest. We are not without responsibility for using our own good judgment. AGREE


I had a similar situation but it didn't involve an online dating service. I met this woman at work. We clicked right away, had a lot in common and started dating. After 2 months I told her that I was falling in love with her and she needed to tell me if that was too much for her. She said she wanted to take it slowly, but she had strong feelings for me and wanted to see me more and get to know me.


I don't think I need to tell you now that worked out. Over the next two months we saw each other 3 times. I confronted her and she bolted. End of story. My fiance told me he loved me before I loved him as well. But he did it with tact. ie: I love you as a person and I will always be here for you even if you don't want a romantic relationship. I will always be your friend. Perhaps your confession of love put pressure on her and made her uncomfortable. Following that, your 3 dates afterwards probably just added to the problem if you didn't make her feel comfortable with being loved by someone she didn't love YET.


For me, the lesson learned is to be observant not only to what someone says, but what they do. If they don't line-up (and I don't mean perfectly because that NEVER happens) you've probably made a mistake. I don't mean that you have to be super-vigilant, but stay in touch with your own feelings. If something makes you uneasy pay attention to it. Your gut instinct is almost always right. Using your "gut" is a very general statement. Your gut is another way to say your emotions, and emotions can be unpredictable, especially if they are negative emotions. Miscommunications happen ALL the time. You don't run from something good just because you got cold feet.


Having said that, there are people who have perfected the art of charm and seduction and they can fool most of us 90% of the time. (men and women) So relationships mean taking a chance on heartbreak.


For me, the signs that cause me to look deeper are:


- sex on the first date Depends on the situation. My fiance' and I talked on the phone for 6 months before meeting. We CERTAINLY had sex on the first date. We had been planning every aspect of sex for months prior.


- broken dates with weak excuses (health being the most used) I was chronically ill for 4 years before meeting my fiance' on EH. I still have "bad days" sometimes. Health issues are valid. Also, many women 30+ have female troubles. Count on her not being 100% for 5 days out the month.


- unreturned phone calls or emails or texts Really? What time frame are we talking about? Minutes? Hours? Days? I did this to my fiance twice, simply out of getting distracted. He brought it to my attention and I NEVER did it again. Simple. It's not a red flag. It's life.


- too many phone calls, emails or texts If it's reciprocal, then there's no problem.


- the statement, "I am leery of men" or something similar (you don't stand a chance here) This is a way of communicating to you that something bad happened to them in the past but they aren't ready to talk about it because the relationship hasn't developed enough yet. Honestly, I can't imagine a woman saying those words exactly. I have a feeling that was your interpretation of a more innocent comment like "My last boyfriend really hurt me." or "I haven't trusted anyone in a long time."


- date for 2 months and never spend the night together and a conversation about it turns an intimate evening into an awkward evening The way a sexual encounter turns out is just as much your responsibility as it is hers. Your a grownup too. Women also tend to feel awkward after sex. It's your job to make HER feel comfortable, not the other way around.


- date for 2 months and never meet family (esp. parents) or close friends 8 weeks? Really? That would indicate you didn't make a very good impression even though you had plenty of time to do so. Another issue of you taking responsibility.


- you come home from work and find that "she" or "he" has made a copy of the key to your apt. or house without asking and has moved clothes in and rearranged furniture, the kitchen, etc. - also without asking Agree, making keys is weird. Unless of course she was staying at your place on a regular basis and needed some of her things there? Did you drop the ball on OFFERING her a key? Based on what you said above, I have a feeling it's the latter.


- questioning your whereabouts while at the same time disappearing for days or a week at a time with no contact Agree. No contact at all would be a red flag.


These are some of the more subtle signs. Some are obvious, but the practiced charmer uses seduction and beauty to lead you to believe there is more there than there really is. I tried to figure out why someone would do that as it sounds like this is what happened to OP. Sometimes there are emotional issues or even disorders that may go unnoticed or unknown. Sometimes it is just fear of letting you into their world because you might not like what you see. Sometimes is it just how they are -- and there is no real explanation.

"Fear of letting you into their world". Hmmmm. BINGO. Sounds like you didn't make your girl comfortable in the relationship.


Other times, and I think this is what happened to me, she was just not into the relationship as much as I was, but didn't know how to end it so withdrawing seemed the path of least resistance.


All the care and insight in the world won't prevent heartache. It is going to happen unless you live like a hermit.

Not sure how it's a success story if it went wrong?