Hi Spider,

Yes, your experience is more the norm. While some members are successfully matched a few days or weeks after being on eHarmony, most successful members dedicated 3 to 6 months to their search before finding that special match. And, while you are right that luck is involved to some extent in finding that special match -- the two of you need to be on the eHarmony simultaneously; right? -- I regret to hear you feel there is no scientific basis to our matching system because you felt your matches lacked some commonality.

Please keep in mind that we match members based on those internal qualities proven to be the basis of long-lasting, successful relationships. So, while all a member's matches may be similar with regard to those important internal qualities, there are MANY other qualities they will or won't possess that can make them seem dissimilar. However, at their core, each match has the potential to be The One if they also have all the other qualities a member requires in a partner. And it is a member's part of our partnership to communicate with matches to discover if they have those additional qualities.

However, sometimes a lack of communication will also have members questioning our matching system. Even with a truly terrific About Me page and photos which really showcase their personality/lifestyle, a member may still not have many matches respond to communication requests. When this happens, it simply means that those non-responsive matches weren't The One. One of the ways your special match will identify himself is that he will communicate with you -- which he clearly did!

Spider, thank you for sharing your experience, and I wish the two of you all the best. I hope, in time, as your relationship develops, you will discover the value of our matching system, become convinced that the two of you were matched in a deep, internal, and "scientific" way, and that your investment in time and money were well worth it!

Sincerely,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host