Ask a Success Couple Anything: Shonna and Dan


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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  October 9,2008, 3:41pm

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Ask a Success Couple Anything: Shonna and Dan
They met in August of 2005 on eHarmony and celebrated their first wedding anniversary in May. Meet Shonna and Dan, an eHarmony Success Couple. Have questions about online dating, falling in love and the eHarmony process? Post your queries to this discussion thread and Shonna and Dan will get back to you!
 
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ipower is offline ipower Post #2  October 13,2008, 12:59pm
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I like to know people who have an active, inquisitive mind and yet so many of the mens' profiles I'm matched with only have the answers to multiple choice questions and a perfunctory sentence about a couple things they like to do, like reading or watching a game. Often they don't bother putting in the picture. How am I to know this is someone who will be special for me? My friends say men need to be drawn out-- how will I know which ones can be drawn out?
 
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dan_and_shonna is offline dan_and_shonna Post #3  October 13,2008, 3:41pm
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ipower,292224 wrote :

I like to know people who have an active, inquisitive mind and yet so many of the mens' profiles I'm matched with only have the answers to multiple choice questions and a perfunctory sentence about a couple things they like to do, like reading or watching a game. Often they don't bother putting in the picture. How am I to know this is someone who will be special for me? My friends say men need to be drawn out-- how will I know which ones can be drawn out?
Hi ipower,


Thanks for posting. An inquisitive nature is also a "must have" for me, and although women are generally more verbal than men, I've had similar problems with women who were very reserved. For some, it just took time for them to feel comfortable; for others, I got the impression that they wanted me to give chase and therefore expected me to be the one asking the questions etc.


One thing I've noticed is that not all communication styles are equal - some people feel comfortable with email (my wife Shonna, for example, filled her profile out with paragraphs of information, and sent me long detailed emails when we started open communication, but was on the shy side when we met in person for the first time), others are better at phone conversation, and still others prefer face time. It may be that some of the people you have matched with simply aren't great at online interaction.


Another possibility is that, particularly with eHarmony, a lot of people tire after taking a 30 minute personality test, so they just don't invest enough time into the profile.


Of course, the only way to get to know whether someone will ultimately meet your expectations in terms of communication is to invest the time to get to know them. Unfortunately, there is no short cut to this, but I do think you are halfway there by understanding that this is a "must have" for you (and if you haven't done so yet, you should list this in your profile so your matches know what you expect).


Lastly, I would say, don't lose hope - most of my friends (both male and female) are the active, inquisitive type, so even though it's less common in men, it's not as rare as people may think.


Good luck!


Dan


P.S. Regarding the picture, I would suggest that one of your first open questions be to ask why they haven't posted a picture. It's a fair question and the least that someone can do given the level of trust needed for online interaction.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #4  October 13,2008, 8:27pm
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Congrats on your marriage and anniversary! I was wondering how long you waited until meeting and how you progressed from that to deciding to get married?


Are you local or long distance matches?
 
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dan_and_shonna is offline dan_and_shonna Post #5  October 13,2008, 9:56pm
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bravethestorm,292716 wrote :

Congrats on your marriage and anniversary! I was wondering how long you waited until meeting and how you progressed from that to deciding to get married?


Are you local or long distance matches?
Hi bravethestorm,


Thanks for your message!

When Dan and I got matched, we traded e-mails back and forth over a period of about two weeks before we met face to face. It was pretty clear that we had good chemistry - I remember that we progressed through each eHarmony stage within a week and then went on to exchange our regular e-mail addresses (where we wrote to each other pretty much on a daily basis). At that point, I had been on e-harmony already for several months, and had communicated and met other matches. Something about Dan's e-mails really stood out as being unique, and I remember how much I looked forward to hearing from him in a way that I hadn't with other matches.

I think the amount of time to wait until meeting is really dependent on each couple. By the time I met Dan face to face, I really felt that we were ready. Luckily he was in the local area, and it was pretty easy for us to meet up. Dan and I were engaged about a year later and were married about a year after that.

Shonna
 
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japaneseblueeyes is offline japaneseblueeyes Post #6  October 13,2008, 10:42pm
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Dear Shonna and Dan,


First off, welcome to the advice boards! Congratulations regarding your wedding!


How many closed matches each did you have before you met each other? How long were you on eHarmony for before you were matched? Also how did your family and friends react when you told them that you met online at eHarmony?


Sincerely,


Japaneseblueeyes
 
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pinz is offline pinz Post #7  October 14,2008, 6:15am
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japaneseblueeyes,292922 wrote :

Dear Shonna and Dan,


First off, welcome to the advice boards! Congratulations regarding your wedding!


How many closed matches each did you have before you met each other? How long were you on eHarmony for before you were matched? Also how did your family and friends react when you told them that you met online at eHarmony?


Sincerely,


Japaneseblueeyes
p.s. Shonna and Dan, no fibbing or fudging or white lies please.


These are good questions.
 
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wingsofjoy is offline wingsofjoy Post #8  October 14,2008, 10:25am
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We have come to the end of the "side bar" sharing. Now what???? We have both read Dr. Warren's thoughts on dating. But what does "start communication" mean? What are the steps after all the other questions have been sent and answered???? Jane S.
 
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missy53 is offline missy53 Post #9  October 14,2008, 6:41pm
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Dear Shonna and Dan,


What doI do now ?? I have been communicating everyday with this individual for over a month and a half, and he wanted to meet me everything is going just right he was telling me all the right things " I was the right one for him" and then all of the sudden...silent !!! Hehas not responded to my e-mails and my heart is broken because I don't know if he is alright..what should I do??? we had plans to meet after his business trip and now I am tottally lost...no explanations ...no goodbyes


Thank you


Missy53
 
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tucan20 is offline tucan20 Post #10  October 14,2008, 7:25pm
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eharmonyadvice, wrote :




Ask a Success Couple Anything: Shonna and Dan


They met in August of 2005 on eHarmony and celebrated their first wedding anniversary in May. Meet Shonna and Dan, an eHarmony Success Couple. Have questions about online dating, falling in love and the eHarmony process? Post your queries to this discussion thread and Shonna and Dan will get back to you!
Hey guys i hope you can give me some advice,Im talking to some guy i met on line ive been tallking to him for a month now. We have so many things in common that when we discover another one we barely believe it. The first time we spoke on the phone there was immediate chemistry it was like we had been talking for a while, we speak on the phone almost everyday and he seems like he really likes me, so now for the problem... he just does not ask me out. So i asked him when we were gonna meet, he said soon he was just really busy with school and work at the moment. Now i understand that he is busy but he does have time to go out with his friends, and my friends keep telling me to just forget about him he is not interested. I just dont want to blow him off without having atleast met him once, plus if he is not interested why does he keep calling?
 
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