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japaneseblueeyes japaneseblueeyes is offline
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japaneseblueeyes Prefers the ugly truth to beautiful lies.

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<------Would love to find a nice guy, but detests WISP`s.
- September 25th, 2008, 06:58 pm
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ManekiNeko ManekiNeko is offline
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hazmat wrote :


Wow...the crap just keeps on coming. Life is what you make of it. We all have bad things happen to us, it's just a matter of how you deal with them. So a stupid girl left you as a teenager for some jerk...let it go. Your argument is the same one used by rapists and murderers, boo-hoo, I had a bad childhood. You make your own breaks in life, being jealous of what others have will always leave you unsatisfied. And if you always expect the worst, that's what you'll find.


Tell that crap to a Texas Hold 'em player who had "the sure thing" only to end up with a bad beat on the River and is out of the tournament because of it.


First off, you do not make your own breaks in life. I did not ask for half the crap that has happened to me, including but not limited to:

Being hit from behind at 60 mph on a bicycle by a guy who was trying to impress girls and was not paying attention to the road.


Having two brothers abscond from the state after racking up huge amounts of phone and online bills.


Busting my butt for over a decade to get a degree in spite of multiple setbacks, and finding out my mother had breast cancer nine days after I graduated from college and having to take care of her because I was the only one not married.


Going job hunting for 22 months straight and hearing the same lame excuses for not hiring me, even putting forth my best game face and acting "professional".


If you want to talk romantic disaster: I could give you several other examples, more recent than the dumb girl who got abandoned.


I dated a girl for two and a half years who openly told me she didn't love me after going out with me at least 40 times.


I had a girl that was supposed to meet me for my birthday, and three weeks beforehand, met up with another guy and told me to go pound sand.


Justa year and a half ago,I had a girl that I was talking to that got a job with the airlines and had to stay in China because of it.


You can control your life to a certain degree but a lot of it is just plain BAD LUCK and you cannot control that, and "taking it in stride" gets MUCH MUCH harder the more crap that happens to you. People like you who giveblanket statements like "You create your own breaks" only see one piece of the puzzle, when the puzzle has hundreds of pieces that you don't even consider. Life, especially to someone who has had a rocky life, is NEVER as easy as "Oooh, think positive and good things will happen to you". You have toGET the breaks and start feeling like you have some control before it will happen to you. It's much more complicated than a tired, old cliché will ever solve, but ifyou're big on old sayings, here's one for you: "Someone is either part of the solution or they're part of the problem", and when someone is part of the problem, that's when you have a right to be ticked off about it.


"<------Would love to find a nice guy, but detests WISP`s."


What the heck isa WISP? Not like a MILF, no doubt.
- September 25th, 2008, 08:47 pm
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cdr4 cdr4 is offline
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czech_Mi_out wrote :

Nice guys generally are too afraid to reachout and get what you want b/c of the cycle of fear of rejection. In the meantime you force us nice girls to date losers or not date at alluntil you wake up and do something about it. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself just go for what you want, statistically your more likely to get it that way.
Why can't nice girls reach out and get what they want?
- September 25th, 2008, 11:15 pm
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wishbone wishbone is offline
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Jamie,I'm sorry that you had such a jerk for a husband But in the end you realized that a relationship won't get fixed if only one person is working on it.I've been in not pysicaly abusive relationships in the pastbut psycologicaly abusive relationships that I stayed way tooooo long trying to fix and came to the same conclusion that you did, there comes a point of no return but in the end YOU made the desision to stop dating Jerks as did I. I've stoped dating Jerk-etts!! You have to lead your kids by example and not let them think for a second that it is OK to treat people that way or allow yourself to be treated that way.BIG High five for making a stand!!!Best of luck in your search and remember that there are still a few Genuine nice guys left in the world even if we are on the endangered species list!!
- September 26th, 2008, 12:58 am
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czech_Mi_out czech_Mi_out is offline
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cdr4 wrote :

czech_Mi_out wrote :


Nice guys generally are too afraid to reachout and get what you want b/c of the cycle of fear of rejection. In the meantime you force us nice girls to date losers or not date at alluntil you wake up and do something about it. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself just go for what you want, statistically your more likely to get it that way.


Why can't nice girls reach out and get what they want?
well, they're generally not type-casted as "nice" girl after that. Then they are something else, but thats not a bad Idea. I've never been known to be a "nice girl" anyways.
- September 26th, 2008, 06:35 am
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TiamatFix TiamatFix is offline
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Bummer for you guys. I consider myself the nice guy but I don't feel like I "finish last". Like whats been said you don't have to be a jerk and disrespectful to be confident and assertive. Sounds like you guys aren't speaking your minds and keep your emotions bottled up. Try crying when you wanna cry, be mad when you wanna be mad and be happy when you really are happy!

IM A NICE GUY AND I DON'T FINISH LAST!
- September 26th, 2008, 07:02 am
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Sarah Sarah is offline
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ManekiNeko wrote :


Tell that crap to a Texas Hold 'em player who had "the sure thing" only to end up with a bad beat on the River and is out of the tournament because of it.


First off, you do not make your own breaks in life. I did not ask for half the crap that has happened to me, including but not limited to:

Being hit from behind at 60 mph on a bicycle by a guy who was trying to impress girls and was not paying attention to the road.


Having two brothers abscond from the state after racking up huge amounts of phone and online bills.


Busting my butt for over a decade to get a degree in spite of multiple setbacks, and finding out my mother had breast cancer nine days after I graduated from college and having to take care of her because I was the only one not married.


Going job hunting for 22 months straight and hearing the same lame excuses for not hiring me, even putting forth my best game face and acting "professional".


If you want to talk romantic disaster: I could give you several other examples, more recent than the dumb girl who got abandoned.


I dated a girl for two and a half years who openly told me she didn't love me after going out with me at least 40 times.


I had a girl that was supposed to meet me for my birthday, and three weeks beforehand, met up with another guy and told me to go pound sand.


Justa year and a half ago,I had a girl that I was talking to that got a job with the airlines and had to stay in China because of it.


You can control your life to a certain degree but a lot of it is just plain BAD LUCK and you cannot control that, and "taking it in stride" gets MUCH MUCH harder the more crap that happens to you. People like you who giveblanket statements like "You create your own breaks" only see one piece of the puzzle, when the puzzle has hundreds of pieces that you don't even consider. Life, especially to someone who has had a rocky life, is NEVER as easy as "Oooh, think positive and good things will happen to you". You have toGET the breaks and start feeling like you have some control before it will happen to you. It's much more complicated than a tired, old cliché will ever solve, but ifyou're big on old sayings, here's one for you: "Someone is either part of the solution or they're part of the problem", and when someone is part of the problem, that's when you have a right to be ticked off about it.





I'm sorry you've had such a rough life. I'm glad you're still standing strong. As for your romantic life, do you think perhaps looking at the women you are choosing to date might shed some light into why you seem to keep striking out in this area? It might be to your advantage to read some self help books on "dating smart".


Sometimes stuff happens beyond our control, like the bike coming at you and blindsidiing you. I'm glad you survived that. But we can control to a certain degree the type of friends we choose to surround ourselves with and the quality of women we choose to date. That doesn't guarantee success by any means, but ifyou educate yourselves on how to make smart choices in your dating life, perhaps you can better prepare yourself to meet women whose goals/values/and life choices are more in line with your own.


People don't come into this world automatically learning how to relate and we sure as heck don't necessarily see good examples of that in our environment sometimes. If we're lucky we have good role models if not, we have to learn the hard way.


Just from reading your post here, you come off as having a victim's mentality and it seems you feel the world is out to get you. This comes across in your post and I wonder how this comes across in your daily life. That type of vibe is not positive and people feel that. These are not the traits that people find admirable. It's those people who despite overwhelmingly terrible odds in life that continue to get up and feel good and radiate positive energy that people are drawn to.


If I were you, I'd think about counseling as you seem to need someone to talk to you and help you through the many crisis you've had to face in life. You may be down, but you're not out of the game. An adjustment in attitude can work wonders.


Good luck to you!
- September 26th, 2008, 09:09 am
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weestromrider weestromrider is offline
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ManekiNeko wrote :

If a guy comes from a broken home, gets tormented constantly for trying to succeed in school, held to a standard that is impossible to obtain, is target practice for older siblings because he's younger, tries to succeed and gets teased, taunted, tormented and abused on a constant basis, both emotionally and physically,and takes over a decade to get a lousy 4-year degree... guess freakin' what? NOT gonna be positive!


The attitude that is adopted is based on circumstances in their lifetimes. People don't choose to be negative either. They are because their lives dictate it. It's been scientifically proven with dogs. There was a study where a dog was beaten every time it went into the light. By the 10th time, it would bark, growl and even bite to avoid going into the light, instead opting for the relative safety of the dark closet. Is the dog positive? No. Does the dog have a choice? No. Same thing with people. It's all how you're raised and the big breaks you end up getting or not getting.
Life is all about choices. I am a complete geek. Got tormented in school, youngest in my family, etc. I am truly a nice guy, but I've always had someone in my life because regardless of what's gone on, I continue to have hope and positivity.


I've had some blows like everyone else, was homeless for a short time, but you fight to get back on top and people respect you for keeping your head up. Stop the whinging and start some action.


Don't like how your family treats you, put your foot down and tell them to change or don't deal with them. Don't like how women treat you, find better women. Having bad luck with a job search, adjust what you're looking for or where you're looking because the market isn't there for the skills you've got. Take charge, don't get trampled, and make every day a day you'd be proud to call your last!
- September 26th, 2008, 09:29 am
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scorpio scorpio is offline
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Sarah wrote :

hazmat wrote :


Wow...the crap just keeps on coming. Life is what you make of it. We all have bad things happen to us, it's just a matter of how you deal with them. So a stupid girl left you as teenager for some jerk...let it go. Your argument is the same one used by rapists and murderers, boo-hoo, I had a bad childhood. You make your own breaks in life, being jealous of what others have will always leave you unsatisfied. And if you always expect the worst, that's what you'll find.


I'm with you Hazmat. A seeminglytrue nice guy in all the ways!


I don't think it's the fact that nice guys finish last. When you see women end up with the guys who act like jerks who don't appreciate them, this is more of a reflection of where this woman is emotionally than the fact that they reject nice guys.


A woman who suffers from low-self esteem, and other emotional issues too numerous to name, lacks the ability to recognize and appreciate what it is like to be with a man who is ready willing and able to love them and treat them right in a healthy way. "Agenuinely nice guy". Since they lack self-love, since maybethey lack the appreciation for self and have learned maybe from child hood experience that love is supposed to equal heartache, they subconsciously seek out guys that make them "suffer" for love. They equate love with drama and heartache.


They date guys with serious emotional problems that are detrimental to a healthy relationship, because they themselves have issues they haven't dealt with.


Unfortunately more often than not both males and females suffer this problem. You've got guys who go for girls who are unattainable and will dog them out because they also feel that love = drama as well and they are not worthy of anything betterand that you're supposed to suffer for love.


At some point you get to a place where you realize, "Hey it doesn't have to be like this." We've all read posts of people in situations that we know are unhealthy for them. These are nice people, but they are "in love and suffering for it because they are inan unhealthy relationship.


We can't change others but we can change ourselves and the choices we make and our mindset. Love doesn't have to hurt so much ALL of the time. We can learn not to get so caught up in what we feel for someone that we continue to ignore the red flags that are warning us "DANGER AHEAD" if we continue down this path. Falling in love does not always mean we fall for the person who is "right for us". Yet often because we're in love, we want our love to work out. Often we don't stop to count the costs or to realize if our feelings are being reciprocated in the right way. We say if only we could love harder, try harder, until we realize that it takes two to make a relationship work, our love alone won't do it.


I say all ofthis having gone down that road myself. Allowing "love" to cloud my judgement to the point that I was dealing with a guy who was a nice guy but a jerk inthe way he treated me. (Yet I allowed this to happen). I stayed far longer than I should becoming a doormat and taking what he dished out. I blamed him for being a jerk, but someone told me that I needed to "look at myself".


I had more going for me than to put up with this guy's crap. I realized that I had some internal work to do. This lead me to making healthy choices and I'm glad I did this work as over 3 years later, A nice girl connected with a nice guy and they are very nice together.
Well said, Sarah.
- September 26th, 2008, 10:24 am
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The term "Nice guys finish last" is such a musty, old worn-out cliche' - certainly not one I would pull out of somedusty closet and use if I were a man describing myself. Such a banalterm brings to mind a man with only one aspect to his personality, which of course, none of us have. We are all multi-faceted people.I don't know of anyone who behaves in a one-dimensional manner all the time. If I were in a relationship with sucha man, I would think he was not too bright. Someone whobehaves ina nice manner under all circumstances gives the impression of being disingenuous and/or a doormat.


Now, don't get me wrong -kindness is one of the traits Idesire in a man. Yet, he would also be someone who is able to hold his own and stand up for himself when necessary. I would want to see both his kind side and his warrior** side. To me, that's what would make him a winner in my eyes. He wouldpossess all types of qualities, and still be akind person.


And how would a woman like me feel about a kind man? I would feel proud to be at his side and would show him the respect that I would expect from him. I might even fall in love with him!


Anytime a manhas to re-think whether to be kind (nice), then he also shouldre-think if he was naturally kind in the first place, or just faking it. No, kind (nice) guys don't finish last. But those who are uncertain of themselves do.
- September 26th, 2008, 10:56 am
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