Long distance relationships - can they work?


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cappagirl is offline cappagirl Post #1  September 3,2008, 12:30pm
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Im being presented with the opportunity of starting something VERY long-distance (he's in the US, I'm in Canada) - not sure if i should throw caution to the wind or run into the opposite direction


Lets hear from people who've tried the long-distance thing. Does it work? Is it as hard as they say?
Should everyone steer clear?
Any success stories??
 
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renewedguy is offline renewedguy Post #2  September 3,2008, 1:00pm
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I had tried the long-distance relationship not once, not twice, butfour times - all overseas. Two of the women I met live in Romania (actually one is now married and living in Italy but occasionaly visits her family in Romania), one lives in New Zealand, and the other in Indonesia. The one from Indonesia failed because I didn't see much chemistry, there was a language barrier (she knew very little English), and my family didn't want to risk having me get hurt or killed by Muslim terrorists. The relationship with the New Zealand woman failed because she was very controlling and abusive. The relationships with the women from Romania did not lead to marriage, but a deeper friendship - more like spiritual siblings.


Long-Distance relationships can work, but you must understand that it takes time and real commitment to make it work - almost the same as meeting a local person. It also involves more money for travel and buying and shipping gifts and flowers to the woman and gifts for the man. My best advice is to throw caution into the wind and proceed slowly. You might also want to study and learn about the specific country's culture and social customs so that you won't be shocked when your love interests says that you're showing disrespect when in fact it's insufficient knowledge of their culture. Good luck with your relationship.
 
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MagyarSHU is offline MagyarSHU Post #3  September 3,2008, 1:13pm
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Conventional wisdom says long distance relationships don't work because of the effort neccesary to sustain them, but anything is possible. I used to have a long distance relationship with a girl in Germany. It went on for a couple of years of letters, phone calls, and summers together. The key is to keep things light and interesting. It wasn't difficult maintaining the relationship because we thoroughly enjoyed the communication. If one sees it as a chore, the relationship will evaporate quickly. It eventually ended because neither of us was willing to uproot at the time (and I foolishly forced the issue), but it was a valuable relationship and learning experience.
 
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cappagirl is offline cappagirl Post #4  September 3,2008, 1:27pm
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....and lets not forget the whole 'trust' issue...
to me, that would be one of the hardest things..being able to trust a person whos thousands of miles away..
Plus- im a very physical person. Not so much sexually - but i like to have constant physical contact with my partner...being able to hug him and cuddle with him as much as possible. Which is a very big obstacle when it comes to long-distance...
 
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kikinv is offline kikinv Post #5  September 3,2008, 1:28pm
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It depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for your soul mate and the love of your life - then you will be in for hard times, lonely times and a feeling of empty committments. Especially if you start out thinking this before you even met the person. Now - if you want someone who may end up being all of those things - it takes time, committment to responses, returned phone calls, initiating responses etc etc. From all of this the base of "getting to know you" is covered. You should by all accounts not lie (too drastically) about yourself. For example saying you are 30 when you are 45 or you weigh 120 lbs when you weigh 250 lbs. But the main thing is to have fun and get to know the person. When you start to look forward to the emails, calls and so forth and actually get bummed because they didn't or you missed one - then it is time to actuallyl meet that person. From there - in the meeting - you both will know if it is go further. From that point - save, save, save, save and make a little gettaway plan.
 
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DoinNada is offline DoinNada Post #6  September 3,2008, 3:47pm
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LDR's can and do work. I was watching a new show a few months back and they were saying that due to economic situations that the number of married couples that live apart has greatly increase. Many of the couples that they interviewed stated that it started as a LDR and then they got married. The study went on to show that when they compared the divorce rate of LDR couples to normal couples that the normal couple were more likely to get divorced.


One of the things they stress in a LDR is the use of such things as web cams and stuff to keep iun touch and see as well as talk to each other. Given the nature of the web these days and applications such as Skype that are out there right now the ability to "Stay Connected" to each other is greater than ever.
 
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l8wht2 is offline l8wht2 Post #7  September 3,2008, 6:53pm
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Mine is working great but our distance is much less, 250 miles.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #8  September 3,2008, 7:28pm
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cappagirl, wrote :

Lets hear from people who've tried the long-distance thing. Does it work? Is it as hard as they say?
Should everyone steer clear?
Any success stories??
Yes it is worth it and they can work if both are committed to staying in touch.


My own parents met on a trip in Europe. They wrote letters and talked on phone a year before getting married. She moved to where he lived in British Columbia from the state of Kentucky. It meant she only saw her parents once or twice a year though and developed new friendships in Canada as some people (including friends) aren't good at keeping in touch. She did manage to maintain at least yearly communication with most friends though on christmas cards.


Now growing up with the back and forth visits (complete day travel from east to west coast) does get tiring and I still do it to visit. At one point my grandfather passed away and mom needed to care for her mother. It meant a lot of separation for my parents as mom and I relocated to Kentucky. Dad ended up spending half the year here and half there with mom and I visiting for a couple months. Now dad is in bad health so mom does the back and forth travel and I visit both.


The distance and not being able to hug or see someone much is hard especially if you spend holidays apart. However, if you really see someone as worth it...I really feel it is something that should be given a chance. Some people find it easier than others. I had always vowed "never" because it is hard for me with how I grew up but currently I am in a long distance relationship.


You really learn to appreciate each other more when you do see each other and you spend more time communicating what matters. So in many ways a long distance relationship can make a romance much stronger. Fact is do you want to settle for someone just because they are nearby or date someone that is a better match for you?


Travel is expensive though and even the phone or shipping gifts adds up.


Still if one or both of you are willing to relocate eventually or visit frequently until then...it really can work. It's all about taking the time to stay in touch.
 
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hogrally is offline hogrally Post #9  September 3,2008, 9:19pm
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cappagirl, wrote :

Im being presented with the opportunity of starting something VERY long-distance (he's in the US, I'm in Canada) - not sure if i should throw caution to the wind or run into the opposite direction


Lets hear from people who've tried the long-distance thing. Does it work? Is it as hard as they say?
Should everyone steer clear?
Any success stories??
With the technology now lil things like time and distance don't mean alot. Twenty - 25 years ago you tackled the post man to get a note from a loved one far away. I think the biggest hurdle you are going to face is working around the innate differences between Yanks and Canucks Unless he is in Alaska and then get your butt up here. My Alaskan neighbours don't understand the people in the lower 48 any more than we do.
 
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cappagirl is offline cappagirl Post #10  September 4,2008, 6:34am
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hogrally,245699 wrote :

. I think the biggest hurdle you are going to face is working around the innate differences between Yanks and Canucks Unless he is in Alaska and then get your butt up here. My Alaskan neighbours don't understand the people in the lower 48 any more than we do.
lol- well ironicallyhe was actually born in the same city as me - so technically he's Canadian. Although he's been in the US for 15 yrs or so. His parents were also a US and Canadian match. So i'm not really concerned about that.

I just worry that I wont be able to handle not having that physical connection with him. Plus..I worry that if/when we do get together for visits it will be SO intense and just like a holiday..so its easier to get along. Ive heard that when you're not interacting in your normal everyday life (work..etc) its hard to know if you really 'fit' together. Its easy to get along when you're on 'vacation' together - but what happens when normal, everyday life stresses come into play?

Plus- we've recently discovered its like $500-800 just to fly roundtrip! Thats a lot of money for both of us...and I'm not saying hes not worth it, but it does make things more difficult.
Plus- we haven't seen each other in 6 years....its a lot of money to spend..on the 'hope' that theres something 'special' there. But I suppose there's only one way to find out... [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]
 
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