The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

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The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say


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noahlittle is offline noahlittle Post #51  February 27,2008, 12:49pm
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Tina123,64378 wrote :

last guy I dated was one that I cared more for then I have ever cared for a man...thats the only reason I can think that what he said to me hurt as much as it did. We talked on phone in am..then he called me at lunch to chat. I called him after i was done at work, then we spent our afternoons evenings together, then would talk on phone till 2am each night for 2 mths. Felt such a connection it was amazing for me. I mean, he could carry on a conversation and not say uhhhh i dont know...or look at me like Im crazy for even knowing about things....

Then one night on the phone he says to me...you know i need to thank you, me? I asked? what did I do?

You gave me the confidense in myself to get rid of the girl I was dating and start dating someone I am attracted it......I was floored...Ummm and who am i in this? Oh, you are great he said, but I could never be totally physically attracted to someone like you....

So much for believing
After reading that, I'm in pain too.
 
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nanabetty is offline nanabetty Post #52  February 27,2008, 1:01pm

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jchurch43,63458 wrote :
mystikchik,62753 wrote :
Sarah,62685 wrote :
nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole5Maybe your boyfriend just needs a minute to get home and relax. Maybe he isn't always ready to quickly talk about his day yet just because you're asking. Men can be like sometimes. Also maybe he needs time to himself before he hears you overload information on him. When in a relationship, both people involved need to attuned in to how their partners act in the relationship. Maybe if you wait and let him volunteer and tell you how his day went before asking, he may be more open to responding. Next time he comes home, try something different, prepare a nice soothing drink for him, coffee hot chocolate whatever, help him relax in other ways, massage his shoulders, then after you do him, sit and let him massage you. Let physical touches and deeds do the talking and you may find that you may get a different response.
Wow! I so agree with you Sarah. I'n not married or in any serious relationship with a guy but I do live with a guy. We are room mates. He always needs some time to wind down before he wants to do much talking. Me too for that matter. Mostly we just give each other a little space and before long he and I are non stop talking and laughing about our day. Yah, you are right. Evryone needs a bit of time and not everyone wants to tell all that happened in their day, either.
I think Nicole5 needs to read "Women are from Venus, men are from Mars". That would answere a lot of questions about relationships. I'm not being condensending, I really mean it. There is a lot of information in that book.
helloooooooooooooooooo
 
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Nimblerich is offline Nimblerich Post #53  February 27,2008, 1:23pm
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mystikchik,62753 wrote :
Sarah,62685 wrote :
nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole5Maybe your boyfriend just needs a minute to get home and relax. Maybe he isn't always ready to quickly talk about his day yet just because you're asking. Men can be like sometimes. Also maybe he needs time to himself before he hears you overload information on him. When in a relationship, both people involved need to attuned in to how their partners act in the relationship. Maybe if you wait and let him volunteer and tell you how his day went before asking, he may be more open to responding. Next time he comes home, try something different, prepare a nice soothing drink for him, coffee hot chocolate whatever, help him relax in other ways, massage his shoulders, then after you do him, sit and let him massage you. Let physical touches and deeds do the talking and you may find that you may get a different response.
Wow! I so agree with you Sarah. I'n not married or in any serious relationship with a guy but I do live with a guy. We are room mates. He always needs some time to wind down before he wants to do much talking. Me too for that matter. Mostly we just give each other a little space and before long he and I are non stop talking and laughing about our day. Yah, you are right. Evryone needs a bit of time and not everyone wants to tell all that happened in their day, either.
I agree with mystikchik. As a man I need a good 30 minutes to transition from my work day to my real life before I'm really ready to discuss the details of what I just escaped. The day is busy, my drive home is frustrating and when I get home the last thing I want to do is relive it all. I can give you the frustrated version now and increse my stress or we can chill a bit, unwind and I can open up without stress after I've separated myself from the stress. Mystikchik's suggetsions to help your partern relax a bit will ease that transition and also be seen as an act of affection.
 
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ratdeboard is offline ratdeboard Post #54  February 27,2008, 2:42pm
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My mom recently passed along this little piece of advice; I can't tell how much I wish she'd shared it sooner. She told me that when you're talking to your partner, no matter what about,you shouldn't say "never" or "always". It's very rarely an accurate statement; for example, "You never help me with the dishes" is probably not true. He/She has most likely emptied the dishwasher orcleaned up after dinnerat least once or twice. On the same note, "You always interupt me" (a statement commonly made by my husband) is just as apt to be false. I let him finish what he's saying quite a bit, but yes, I do interupt him often. Point is- "never" and "always" are very powerful, finite words that may be better left unsaid.
 
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hoppy320 is offline hoppy320 Post #55  February 27,2008, 3:01pm
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for beloved0000-- seriously...i have read a couple of your thoughts on here, and I must say-- you have got to be one of the most cynical, hateful person I have read in a long time. You may want to 'switch sides' and go for a woman, cause I don't know ONE man that would put up with your 'old-fashioned' way that a man SHOULD treat you(i.e., buy YOU dinner and things like a man should.). And to love someone, only in the end to think that it was sooner or later that he would 'be a typical guy' and say things like "keeping my options open"... well, nothing is going to work out if you have that bad attitude in the back of your mind. You are not picking the right guys. Your false confidence is nothing if you say in the end something to the fact of "I knew that was coming" (keeping the options open, or- I just wanna be friends). Stop being so hateful towards all guys, and give someone a REAL chance. Just like all women do not like guys' money, not all guys are pigs. You just gotta find the right one. Good luck to you.
 
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WOLF_SG_1 is offline WOLF_SG_1 Post #56  February 27,2008, 3:56pm
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calling someone gullible to try and cover up a lie that they told you whenyou confront them about the lieeven if it was a small one is very irritating. when my girlfriend at the time said that to me i was so angry of course im gonna believe someone im in a relationship with because if you care bout eachother why would yu make up lies to them.
 
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tanelise is offline tanelise Post #57  February 27,2008, 4:22pm
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Hi - since I don't know either of you, I'll speak from my own personal experience. I've been the recipient of many people who have either talked excessively about work or who have vented about work. I once had to break afriend from draining me every-single-day for an additional hour and a half after getting home from work.I was very patient and tolerant for about a month until I couldn't take it any more. I was going through a divorce (which my friend was not aware of) and enough was enough.If your boyfriend has a stressful job he may not want to give it another thought until he has to return to it the next day - otherwise you find yourself just extending your workday with it.

I don't think I'd be too hard on the guy. Now if he neverelaborates on ANYTHING, then I'd sayyou definitely might have a problem or either he's just not a chatterbox. Men and women don't need the same thing. Perhaps you can ask him about his day long after he's had a while to unwind.

Hope this helps
 
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WOLF_SG_1 is offline WOLF_SG_1 Post #58  February 27,2008, 4:33pm
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"I want an open relationship" after you have been dating for a year is also a deal breaker. to me that just means you have someone in mind that you want to have sex with and your going to have sex with them whether i say yes or no to the open relationship thing. this is the same ex btw
 
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KINDSOUL65 is offline KINDSOUL65 Post #59  February 27,2008, 5:13pm
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Sweetie, you are asking him the wrong question. Don't ask "how was your day". It's too vague. Be specific. What happened at work today?

Give him some space. My friend doesn't like to talk about his really long work day. He was already there all day and wants to relax. Talk about "other" things if you can and limit your work day conversaton to 10 or 15 minutes so you can focus on each other and the rest of life unless work is all you have, which I doubt and hope not...
 
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waynzworld is offline waynzworld Post #60  February 27,2008, 5:17pm
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I worked in advnaced patient care . . . and then an hour+ drive home. How was your day . . . well, someone barfed on me, then I treated someone who hand dry gangrene, but it stilled smelled awfull. Someone had to pass gas, whilst they were getting scanned, and another had a small bladder and couldn't wait. The scan in the emergency room was bloody and quite messy, and I was snagged to scan a man who had foil wrapped around his head. He wouldn't let me scan him because he thought I was going to suck out his energy waves . . . Yeah - A GREAT DAY! How was yours. Ladies . . . give your guy a moment when he comes home . . . Please. Sometimes we REALLY DID HAVE a tough day.
 
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