The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

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The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say


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Tarantella is offline Tarantella Post #41  February 27,2008, 6:08am
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
YOu might want to read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," or one of those other worthwhile books that explore the differences between men and women--before you wreck your relationship by insisting that he must have things to tell you about his day when he comes home! Guys just don't do that--going into all the little bits and pieces of his day. Women do. No. 1 piece of advice I have learned over the years: Guys aren't Girlfriends.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #42  February 27,2008, 6:11am
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sephigirl,64148 wrote :
Ann43,63678 wrote :
The problem I am having on dating right now.... I am over weight. Not really large but not healthy either. Now when I cruse the profiles, I look at the guys face pic and see if there is chemistry with the face. Then if there is I move on to the read the profile. With every typo I lose interest. Our profile is our foot in the door and should be presented some what well. At least 50% of the profiles I read are ironic. These guys are not physically fit but want women that are. Now ya, I would not mind a six pack on my man, but to require it is obserd! I would rather have a man that is overweight and treats me well that I click with, than a man that I know will leave me if I am skinny when I meet him and that will leave me if I gain weight. Talk about presure. With a skinny woman, there is a lot more temptation coming her way. So you had better have those six pack abs to keep that woman. Or else wise up and not be so judgemental and loosen up you standards or get in shape yourself. So the moral to this story is: If you can't spell and don't have a six pack good luck.
LOL - Ann43, you realize, after your diatribe on typos - you misspelled absurd. *said in a teasing note, btw*

Many typos are a turnoff for me as well. We all make mistakes, but come on! If one can't type, type it first in Word, spell check it, then cut 'n' paste.

I also agree with you - re: men who want skinny women, but they are not exactly Brad Pitt, more like Larry the Cable Guy. I always feel like saying, "Dude, reality check."

And it's always those guys - the imperfect ones who have to point out *my* weight - I cannot believe I've been in e-mails with guys who will say something like, "are you doing anything about your weight?" I feel they can just move along if it's such a big deal. I've dated too many nice, intelligent men in my life to put up with the idiots.
Sephigirl

About your weight comments, it works both ways you girls want tall, dark and handsome "built" guys. See my comment to Ann43.

Each person is built differently and have different desires for their mate's size, shape, weight, etc. I am a smaller guy, 5'4" 130 lb, I like petite girls (if you look up the word petite you will find that it covers both height and weight).

If you are in the email stage of a relationship and some guy asks "are you doing anything about your weight?" he sure is lacking in tact and couldn't he have told something about your physical appearance before he began communicting with you?
 
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Tarantella is offline Tarantella Post #43  February 27,2008, 6:11am
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
YOu might want to read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," or one of those other worthwhile books that explore the differences between men and women--before you wreck your relationship by insisting that he must have things to tell you about his day when he comes home! Guys just don't do that--going into all the little bits and pieces of his day. Women do. No. 1 piece of advice I have learned over the years: Guys aren't Girlfriends.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #44  February 27,2008, 6:39am
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cugglebug,64203 wrote :
I met someone on eH and we hit it off great. We consider ourselves in a relationship and we are not dating anyone else. We agree that we should be friends first and not base our relationship on sex. The problem is we haven't had sex yet and I want to but he insists on waiting for the "right time". When is that? How long should we hang out together as friends before we get intimate? I don't want to wait any longer; I am a very passionate and sexual person.
Cugglebug

In a quite moment together (turn off the television) snuggle up with your guy and ask to discuss WHEN is the "right time". If he won't discuss this with you, then you have a communications problem that is going to be problem in many areas of your relationship. If his reluctance is based on religious or cultural beliefs then you both need to assess your compatibility in those areas. In both these cases YOU need to determine if this is the guy you want for the long term.

If his reluctance is based "(lack of or bad) experience" you may need to become the teacher or counselor. In any case your best sexual organs are going to be your eyes, ears and mind. You both may find a whole new meaning to life.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #45  February 27,2008, 6:55am
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everlastingsearcher,64315 wrote :
The worst thing anyone I've dated ever said to me..... After 3 months of dating, friendship, passion, companionship, and just plain feeling close enough to my boyfriend to make me feel like " Thank you! My search is finally over!" He says... " Well, I'm still deeply in love with my ex, and your really the first woman I've dated since we split up 2 yrs ago". Talk about devastating.... then the clincher that made me want to puke, he says... " I still want to hang out with you and your my best friend". " I should have never let it go this far" Killers huh folks?
Everlastingsearcher

I guess this would be something that would be a killer but it really is something that the guy should have said to himself before he ever started out to date you or anyone else. Shame on him. I hope you told not a friend, best or otherwise, as you showed him the door with your foot in his butt.

There is another discussion thread dealing with if you are older and never married are you "damaged goods". If you (I) have never been married you (I) can't have this problem sine you (I) have no ex.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #46  February 27,2008, 6:58am
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Soleil,64348 wrote :

My favorite was the guy who started talking marriage and kids right away and then three months later told me he wasnt over his ex and wasnt ready for a relationship. He assured me that he really liked me and that he just needed a break and time to heal. He assured me that I was the person he would date when he is ready for a relationship. A year later he is still not ready and calls me aggressive when I ask him where we are headed. If a man is not ready to commit he should not be on eharmony.
Soleil

Exactly, and it goes for you girls also.

You should not be waiting more than a few seconds to have figured out that this is not the guy for you.
 
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tensneone is offline tensneone Post #47  February 27,2008, 8:15am
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole, men and women are very different when it comes to discussing the minutia of their day. Your boyfriend probably just want to relax after work and if his jobs entails talking to people all day either in person or on the phone he definitely doesn't want to talk when he gets home.If he is willing to listen to the accountof your day be happy.
 
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SandiB is offline SandiB Post #48  February 27,2008, 8:33am
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After being divorced a couple of years from a very long 23 year marriage, dating is very difficult to really do things different in the future without bringing up the past. It can kill a really really gooddate or spending time togetherwhen the "ex" gets brought up in the middle of what could be an incredibly intimate and enjoyable evening. A very romantic and intimate time can just got straight to hell real faston an otherwise great nightwhen the focus shifts to the ex. When I'm on a date, I don't want to focus on the your ex or my ex. I want to focus on my date andnot their ex or mine.
 
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baby_girl is offline baby_girl Post #49  February 27,2008, 9:43am
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Sometimes if not all leave them to there own conscience and then they'll look into themselves and reach out back to you when they don't see it comming any more.
 
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Tamsen is offline Tamsen Post #50  February 27,2008, 11:16am
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Of course, you should never make unkindcomments on age, height, income level, hygeine, personal and love-life history, education, and eating and bodily function habits.The number onething is to never criticize someone's sexuality or sexual performance in any way. Basically, if you can't say something nice saynothing at all.You can't take words back once they're out.

It isn't worth risking painful backlash, it hurts the other person and it does nothing but tear things apart to send verbal barbs at someone you are involved with.

 
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