The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

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The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say


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dancinstv is offline dancinstv Post #31  February 27,2008, 1:52am
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Hi Nicole

What you are saying is me to a t , so let me explain this to you and ask you some questions. when I leave work I want work to stay at work, I do not want to re live the day. This is not to say that I won't talk about coworkers or things that the company has done or intends to do. First question is have you asked him why he gives you the replies he does? Second question is does he show interest in your day? There are differences in the sexes and this would be one of those areas. I f the answer to the second question is yes then , he is telling you I'm interested in you and your activities , but I'd rather not talk about my work. If the answer to the second question is no then maybe you need to think about things, you are looking for a communicator and he may not be that type. B y the way I tell my partners this about me right up front . Relationships need communication to grow and mature. At any rate you need to discuss this with him. Hope this was of some help to you.

Steve
 
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SQUAREHEAD is offline SQUAREHEAD Post #32  February 27,2008, 3:51am
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
This is so simple and such an old concept that it is almost cliche.

Scientifically proven that men and women have diifferent requirements for verbal. Women have some genetic need to verbalize every nuance of thier day, and men value silence. Im sure it was a man that coined the phrase, "silence is golden". Besides, as you women know, its all about timing.

So, just like you women have to be talked or woo'd into being in the mood, likewise, men have thier requirements for engaging in superflous conversation. One of the reasons for this is our fundamental difference of operation. We know you will ultimately complain about something and we know that we will try or want to fix it. We do not understand that complaining is simply venting.

2 things:

Do not accost a man with words/conversation as soon as he gets in the door or right after he wakes up. Give him time to unwind from the day. Tell him that conversation is something you need, like he. "needs", sex.
 
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Tina123 is offline Tina123 Post #33  February 27,2008, 3:55am
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last guy I dated was one that I cared more for then I have ever cared for a man...thats the only reason I can think that what he said to me hurt as much as it did. We talked on phone in am..then he called me at lunch to chat. I called him after i was done at work, then we spent our afternoons evenings together, then would talk on phone till 2am each night for 2 mths. Felt such a connection it was amazing for me. I mean, he could carry on a conversation and not say uhhhh i dont know...or look at me like Im crazy for even knowing about things....

Then one night on the phone he says to me...you know i need to thank you, me? I asked? what did I do?

You gave me the confidense in myself to get rid of the girl I was dating and start dating someone I am attracted it......I was floored...Ummm and who am i in this? Oh, you are great he said, but I could never be totally physically attracted to someone like you....

So much for believing
 
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SQUAREHEAD is offline SQUAREHEAD Post #34  February 27,2008, 3:57am
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Micki,63528 wrote :
Nothing more irritating than when you make a statement and your significant other responds with "Whatever" followed with a shoulder shrug or eye roll. Usually it means that you've said something they don't want to hear or they know your right and they're wrong. Instead of addressing the issue, replying with "whatever" is childish and annoying. This response doesn't help any situation and it tells me that they just don't want to talk about a particular subject in hopes it will just go away, which we all know it doesn't.
Makes plenty of sense if you know what the real meaning of Whatever means.

quit your whining and learn the art of negotiation. You cant just stomp your foot and demand resolution.
 
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SQUAREHEAD is offline SQUAREHEAD Post #35  February 27,2008, 4:01am
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Macca,63659 wrote :
I do not agree with most of these comments I am a mature woman in her seventies ! There is way to much talking and not enough action Much of the advise is ineffective It is what you do that counts not how your partner acts. Do not tell him or her show them! Been there done that.
I agree. Old school works. Action, not words.
 
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rabbiden99 is offline rabbiden99 Post #36  February 27,2008, 4:40am
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beloved0000,62625 wrote :
The infamous..."I didn't know what I was doing when I was persuing you. Can't we just be friends?" Didn't know what you were doing? I think you knew exactly what you were doing. You were getting your needs met and I was getting used to meet those needs. I was being driven like a used car, blindsided because I believed you! It's happened so many times now, I just kinda expect it. It's really hard to believe someone in a relationship when you know this is coming. Or better yet, "I want to keep my options open." Well honey, I ain't nobody's option. I was your one and only until you decided you couldn't take the heat. Responsibilty in a relationship is what it's all about. Too many looking for a way out on their way in and not enough serious about really making it work.
Beloved0000, Have you ever considered a career change? I think you would be a fantasic stand up comedian. You crack me up girl! The Rabbi
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #37  February 27,2008, 5:01am
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole5

I your boyfriend says his day was "loooong" I would take that as he does not like or enjoy his job and is doing it because he either can't or won't find a job he enjoys. It may be the same for your relationship.
 
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robotrumpus is offline robotrumpus Post #38  February 27,2008, 5:07am
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Chris Rock did a very funny stand up about this. To put it quite bluntly, it's not that women talk too much it's that you guys talk too much when we just home. Maybe it's not so black and white as that but he does have a point.

Men aren't the communicators by and large that women are. Him saying "long" is probably just his way of saying, "You know, I've been at work for eight hours now and I don't really want to think about it right now."

I know this can be annoying but as a guy, I tend to need some time to get rid of the daily stress. Most guys I think do something right after work instead of just jumping into the middle of a conversation. My dad tends to either nap on the couch (which annoys my mom to no end) while I like to take out the frustrations of the day playing a video game.

It may also be that he really likes leaving work at work. I for one get incredibly frustrated if all a girl wants to talk about is work. I spend most of my day at work and I really don't care to be grilled about it. If I feel like sharing, I will.

I can't speak for all guys but I think given the choice many guys would love to go home, sit in his easy chair and relax.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #39  February 27,2008, 5:34am
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Ann43,63678 wrote :
The problem I am having on dating right now.... I am over weight. Not really large but not healthy either. Now when I cruse the profiles, I look at the guys face pic and see if there is chemistry with the face. Then if there is I move on to the read the profile. With every typo I lose interest. Our profile is our foot in the door and should be presented some what well. At least 50% of the profiles I read are ironic. These guys are not physically fit but want women that are. Now ya, I would not mind a six pack on my man, but to require it is obserd! I would rather have a man that is overweight and treats me well that I click with, than a man that I know will leave me if I am skinny when I meet him and that will leave me if I gain weight. Talk about presure. With a skinny woman, there is a lot more temptation coming her way. So you had better have those six pack abs to keep that woman. Or else wise up and not be so judgemental and loosen up you standards or get in shape yourself. So the moral to this story is: If you can't spell and don't have a six pack good luck.
Ann43

If typos are a deal breaker for you, you should check your own writing first. Check your comment there are at least two misspellings in it.

As for your comments about physical fitness, size, etc. the girls are the same way. They (you) want atheletic and toned, abs, GQ looks and it does not matter how tall you are if the guy is not six feet it is no go on getting a date.
 
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Dumarest is offline Dumarest Post #40  February 27,2008, 5:57am
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Sarah,62685 wrote :
nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole5Maybe your boyfriend just needs a minute to get home and relax. Maybe he isn't always ready to quickly talk about his day yet just because you're asking. Men can be like sometimes. Also maybe he needs time to himself before he hears you overload information on him. When in a relationship, both people involved need to attuned in to how their partners act in the relationship. Maybe ifyou wait andlet him volunteer andtell you how his day went before asking, he may be more open to responding. Next time he comes home, try something different, prepare a nice soothing drink for him, coffee hot chocolate whatever, help him relax in other ways, massage his shoulders, then after you do him, sit and let him massage you. Let physical touches and deeds do the talking and you may find that you may get a different response.
Now this is a woman who understands men....

Are you single??? ;-)
 
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