The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

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The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say


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Emme is offline Emme Post #21  February 25,2008, 1:38pm

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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Rather than ask him the general question of "how was your day", which can almost be interpreted as expecting a benign "fine" or "loonnggg" type of answer so that you can pounce and tell him all about YOUR day, maybe give him a few mintues to unwind, and then ask him specific questions about his day. Such as, how did the meeting with so and so go? Or did you meet with so and so about such and such? Or what did you decide to do about x problem? That would show you not only care about his work, but that you have listened attentively when he has talked about it, and you're eager for him to share with you what really happened in his day. Most men I know don't respond well to wide open questions, like how was your day. It's just too much work to get into it at the end of the day. By asking specific questions, you can maybe get him to talk about things that have been going well, or that have been bothering him about his job.
 
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jktravl is offline jktravl Post #22  February 26,2008, 3:09am
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Sarah,62685 wrote :
nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole5Maybe your boyfriend just needs a minute to get home and relax. Maybe he isn't always ready to quickly talk about his day yet just because you're asking. Men can be like sometimes. Also maybe he needs time to himself before he hears you overload information on him. When in a relationship, both people involved need to attuned in to how their partners act in the relationship. Maybe ifyou wait andlet him volunteer andtell you how his day went before asking, he may be more open to responding. Next time he comes home, try something different, prepare a nice soothing drink for him, coffee hot chocolate whatever, help him relax in other ways, massage his shoulders, then after you do him, sit and let him massage you. Let physical touches and deeds do the talking and you may find that you may get a different response.
Could not have been said better. When I came home after a hard day and an even harder commute, I didn't want to answer a quiz, all I wanted was 20 minutes to chill.His day probably sucked, and he doesnt need to elaborate to you how. He doesn't report to you, he doesnt need chatty cathy right now, he needs time to decompress, and get his second wind. He probably needs a gatorade.
 
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widowdad is offline widowdad Post #23  February 26,2008, 5:38am
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole. Please. Your question obviously isn't working. Don't keep asking a question that produces a result you don't want every time you ask it. Remember the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result each time. Suggestion: Keep asking a different question that can't be answered yes or no until you find one that works. Examples: Tell me what you did today honey. What was the best part of your day today? Tell me one thing unusual that happened at work today. How were your interactions with your boss today? Experiment. Have open ended follow-up questions. Your guy isn't going to talk unless you find a better way to draw him out.
 
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widowdad is offline widowdad Post #24  February 26,2008, 5:54am
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Ann43,63678 wrote :
The problem I am having on dating right now.... I am over weight. Not really large but not healthy either. Now when I cruse the profiles, I look at the guys face pic and see if there is chemistry with the face. Then if there isI move on to the read the profile. With every typo I lose interest. Our profile is our foot in the door and should be presented some what well. At least 50% of the profiles I read are ironic. These guys are not physically fit but want women that are. Now ya, I would not mind a six pack on my man, but to require it is obserd! I would rather have a man that is overweight and treats me wellthat I click with, than a man that I know will leave me if I am skinny when I meet him and that will leave me if I gain weight. Talk about presure. With a skinny woman, there is a lot more temptation coming her way. So you had better have those six pack abs to keep that woman. Or else wise up andnot be so judgemental and loosen up you standards orget in shape yourself. So the moral to this story is: If you can't spell and don't have a six pack good luck.
Ann. Did you check your own posting here for typos/misspellings?
 
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viking is offline viking Post #25  February 26,2008, 7:51am
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Sarah,62685 wrote :
nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole5Maybe your boyfriend just needs a minute to get home and relax. Maybe he isn't always ready to quickly talk about his day yet just because you're asking. Men can be like sometimes. Also maybe he needs time to himself before he hears you overload information on him. When in a relationship, both people involved need to attuned in to how their partners act in the relationship. Maybe ifyou wait andlet him volunteer andtell you how his day went before asking, he may be more open to responding. Next time he comes home, try something different, prepare a nice soothing drink for him, coffee hot chocolate whatever, help him relax in other ways, massage his shoulders, then after you do him, sit and let him massage you. Let physical touches and deeds do the talking and you may find that you may get a different response.
Here's another angle to think about. A lot of men want to leave the "world" at the office and come into their "world" at home. If a job is so mentally/physically taxing that you get the response "long", maybe you should feel secure in the fact that he values your "home" world as separate and apart and where he would rather be mentally, as opposed to dragging in the "long" day to his most valued world. Just support him, be in tune with his mood, and what's driving it. If he's distracted or stressed let him know you're there, and watch for ques that he gives that indicate he wants to talk about work. That's when you'll be most confident that you're getting to the heart of your man.
 
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sephigirl is offline sephigirl Post #26  February 26,2008, 10:20am
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Ann43,63678 wrote :
The problem I am having on dating right now.... I am over weight. Not really large but not healthy either. Now when I cruse the profiles, I look at the guys face pic and see if there is chemistry with the face. Then if there isI move on to the read the profile. With every typo I lose interest. Our profile is our foot in the door and should be presented some what well. At least 50% of the profiles I read are ironic. These guys are not physically fit but want women that are. Now ya, I would not mind a six pack on my man, but to require it is obserd! I would rather have a man that is overweight and treats me wellthat I click with, than a man that I know will leave me if I am skinny when I meet him and that will leave me if I gain weight. Talk about presure. With a skinny woman, there is a lot more temptation coming her way. So you had better have those six pack abs to keep that woman. Or else wise up andnot be so judgemental and loosen up you standards orget in shape yourself. So the moral to this story is: If you can't spell and don't have a six pack good luck.
LOL - Ann43, you realize, after your diatribe on typos - you misspelled absurd. *said in a teasing note, btw*

Many typos are a turnoff for me as well. We all make mistakes, but come on! If one can't type, type it first in Word, spell check it, then cut 'n' paste.

I alsoagree with you - re: men who want skinny women, but they are not exactly Brad Pitt, more like Larry the Cable Guy. I always feel like saying, "Dude, reality check."

And it's always those guys - the imperfect ones who have to point out *my* weight - I cannot believe I've been in e-mails with guys who will say something like, "are you doing anything about your weight?" I feel they can just move along if it's such a big deal. I've dated too many nice, intelligent men in my life to put up with the idiots.
 
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cugglebug is offline cugglebug Post #27  February 26,2008, 12:54pm
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I met someone on eH and we hit it off great. We consider ourselves in a relationship and we are not dating anyone else. We agree that we should be friends first and not base our relationship on sex. The problem is we haven't had sex yet and I want to but he insists on waiting for the "right time". When is that? How long should we hang out together as friends before we get intimate? I don't want to wait any longer; I am a very passionate and sexual person.
 
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mdsone is offline mdsone Post #28  February 26,2008, 9:43pm
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I agree with dr.(t)ruth? - I have personally had a lover or two that weren't that hot in the beginning but with gentle prodding and encouragement became amazing in bed.

I've found the best way is to pay attention to yourself first - what sort of sounds and noises do you normally make while making love? We all tend to moan and groan in a certain way out of habit or just personal preference (some don't moan at all!) When he/she does something right make a noise that is completely different then what you normally do - this usually perks their ears up!

This is a good way if you're uncomfortable with actually verbalizing what you want and usually, if they are an attuned lover and not too self absorbed, they'll start to do more of what you like and pay more attention to your reactions.

Works like a charm!
 
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everlastingsearcher is offline everlastingsearcher Post #29  February 26,2008, 9:44pm
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The worst thing anyone I've dated ever said to me..... After 3 months of dating, friendship, passion, companionship, and just plain feeling close enough to my boyfriend to make me feel like " Thank you! My search is finally over!" He says... " Well, I'm still deeply in love with my ex, and your really the first woman I've dated since we split up 2 yrs ago". Talk about devastating.... then the clincher that made me want to puke, he says... " I still want to hang out with you and your my best friend"." I should have never let it go this far" Killers huh folks?
 
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Soleil is offline Soleil Post #30  February 26,2008, 11:48pm
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My favorite was the guy who started talking marriage and kids right away and then three months later told me he wasnt over his ex and wasnt ready for a relationship. He assured me that he really liked me and that he just needed a break and time to heal. He assured me thatI was theperson he would date when he is ready for a relationship. A year later he is still not ready and calls me aggressive when I ask him where we are headed. If a man is not ready to commit he should not be on eharmony.
 
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