The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say

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The Relationship Killers: 8 Things you Should Never Say


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jchurch43 is offline jchurch43 Post #11  February 23,2008, 2:46pm
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mystikchik,62753 wrote :
Sarah,62685 wrote :
nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Nicole5Maybe your boyfriend just needs a minute to get home and relax. Maybe he isn't always ready to quickly talk about his day yet just because you're asking. Men can be like sometimes. Also maybe he needs time to himself before he hears you overload information on him. When in a relationship, both people involved need to attuned in to how their partners act in the relationship. Maybe if you wait and let him volunteer and tell you how his day went before asking, he may be more open to responding. Next time he comes home, try something different, prepare a nice soothing drink for him, coffee hot chocolate whatever, help him relax in other ways, massage his shoulders, then after you do him, sit and let him massage you. Let physical touches and deeds do the talking and you may find that you may get a different response.
Wow! I so agree with you Sarah. I'n not married or in any serious relationship with a guy but I do live with a guy. We are room mates. He always needs some time to wind down before he wants to do much talking. Me too for that matter. Mostly we just give each other a little space and before long he and I are non stop talking and laughing about our day. Yah, you are right. Evryone needs a bit of time and not everyone wants to tell all that happened in their day, either.
I think Nicole5 needs to read "Women are from Venus, men are from Mars". That would answere a lot of questions about relationships. I'm not being condensending, I really mean it. There is a lot of information in that book.
 
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BILLGOLF is offline BILLGOLF Post #12  February 23,2008, 6:01pm
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de_zeye_ner,62965 wrote :
"Do you think you could do something about your breath?" seems to be another relationship-killer. For some reason there are a lot of people who are not in the habit of flossing their teeth regularly. And it's true...you can't change a man. If a person in their 40s is not in the habit of taking care of their teeth, they probably never WILL be. I've had potential relationships "SOUR" because of this more than once.
I owe you a serious thanks, I will knock the cobwebs off the floss containers my dentist gives me, that have been neglected in my medicine cabinet! Amazingly I still have my own teeth at my age.
 
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Micki is offline Micki Post #13  February 23,2008, 6:33pm
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Nothing more irritating than when you make a statement and your significant other responds with "Whatever" followed with a shoulder shrug or eye roll. Usually it means that you've said something they don't want to hear or they know your right and they're wrong. Instead of addressingtheissue,replying with "whatever" is childish and annoying. This response doesn't help any situation and it tells me that they just don't want to talk about a particular subject in hopes it will just go away, which we all know it doesn't.
 
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Micki is offline Micki Post #14  February 23,2008, 6:42pm
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The advice given to read "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars" is excellent advice. It has been very helpful in mine and my husbands relationship. It was actually referred to us in our pre-marital counseling. Also another thing we learned was that men use 700-100 words a day and women use 1800-2200 aproximately. Us women have a tendency to go on about some things and if we simplify things there is a better chance of being heard. Not that men are dumb, its just that they use less vocbulary and the more women talk the more they hear, blah blah blah! Say what you've got to say, tactfully and as short and sweet as possible. This helped us in the reply of "whatever" that I often heard from my mate. I can't remember the last time he has used in a serious discussion. Its now become something we laugh at.
 
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beloved0000 is offline beloved0000 Post #15  February 24,2008, 7:44am
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Sydney,62868 wrote :
the now welcomly familiar voices of Beloved, MystikChik, Sarah) rather, it is people like Beloved, Sarah, and Mystikchik who keep me grounded these days, and I find myself doing much better when I offer the same generosity of time and spirit to help someone who has posted on an eHarmony Discussion Board.
Thank you for your kind words. You may not know this, but you've hit the
nail on the head. It's stepping outside of our own pain and current
circumstances that yields happiness. I get alot of mileage out of these
boards, too. I log on every few days, check to see if any of my "friends"
have returned my messages. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. For
those of us who get alot of help out of writing, blogging can be the
outlet we need to sometimes just get thru another day. Nobody knows my
pain. Only me and Jesus. But getting to get on here and be heard makes
my appetite for significance satisfied. I may not say something everyone
agrees with, but I get to say it, and to those I do get to encourage or
help, it makes me blossom. The Song of Solomon, God's love song, one
of the main character's is Beloved. She shares her story and her walk
thru the garden to share her story and her garden experience while
looking for her Lover is what spurs me on. I share my garden. You all
make me bloom. Hopefully the fragrance spreads and inspires others to
do the same. Spring is just around the corner. Thank you again for what
you said. It made my day, my week even.
 
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Macca is offline Macca Post #16  February 24,2008, 7:54am
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I do not agree with most of these comments I am a mature woman in her seventies ! There is way to much talking and not enough action Much of the advise is ineffective It is what you do that counts not how your partner acts. Do not tell him or her show them! Been there done that.
 
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Ann43 is offline Ann43 Post #17  February 24,2008, 9:17am
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The problem I am having on dating right now.... I am over weight. Not really large but not healthy either. Now when I cruse the profiles, I look at the guys face pic and see if there is chemistry with the face. Then if there isI move on to the read the profile. With every typo I lose interest. Our profile is our foot in the door and should be presented some what well. At least 50% of the profiles I read are ironic. These guys are not physically fit but want women that are. Now ya, I would not mind a six pack on my man, but to require it is obserd! I would rather have a man that is overweight and treats me wellthat I click with, than a man that I know will leave me if I am skinny when I meet him and that will leave me if I gain weight. Talk about presure. With a skinny woman, there is a lot more temptation coming her way. So you had better have those six pack abs to keep that woman. Or else wise up andnot be so judgemental and loosen up you standards orget in shape yourself. So the moral to this story is: If you can't spell and don't have a six pack good luck.
 
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elizabeth9408 is offline elizabeth9408 Post #18  February 24,2008, 5:28pm
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My last guy friend was infamous for the "do as I say" "not what I do" and grave digging was his specialty.Those are just a couplereason why we didnt workout.
 
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perrydad43 is offline perrydad43 Post #19  February 24,2008, 9:36pm
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nicole5,62664 wrote :
The phrase that my boyfriend says that really bothers me is his response to my daily question when he returns from work, "How was your day sweetie", I say? To which he always replys, "loooooong". That's it that is all he says, long, no details, no interesting interactions, nothing. Surely something went on during his day that he could elaborate on. I come home and I have an overload of information to tell him and I never understand why he has nothing?
Change your question to "I know you had a long day baby but tell me what you did today?"
 
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LeezyFbb is offline LeezyFbb Post #20  February 24,2008, 10:26pm
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"i was young minded then", "i've changed" and "let me show you" all urk me. yes ppl mature and ppl change but when given multiple chances its jus redundent. yes bad on my part for the neverendingchances but"let me show u (i can treat u good, i've changed, we can work, etc)" is the worst bc i believe its not up me letting a person show me theyve changed or whatnot, its up to them letting themselves be that person they say they've become.
 
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