We're a Couple. How do we Handle Friendships with the Opposite Sex?

We're a Couple. How do we Handle Friendships with the Opposite Sex?

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We're a Couple. How do we Handle Friendships with the Opposite Sex?


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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  September 1,2008, 11:50pm

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Now that you're paired up, you or your new significant other may feel a little uncomfortable socializing with your opposite-sex friends. Here's how to handle the situation so that everyone wins.
 
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RevZ is offline RevZ Post #2  September 2,2008, 11:43am
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Life is about balance. Men and Women need friends of the opposite sex.


Each time I meet a new interest i let them know I have freinds of the opposite sex and I attempt to arrange meetings to introduce a comfort level.


It is hoped that your partner is your best friend. Both of you should possess the maturity to overcome any petty jealousy.
 
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DoinNada is offline DoinNada Post #3  September 3,2008, 12:31pm
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Any relatio0nship should be based on a foundation of trust. If you can not trust the one you love then do you really love them as much as you think you do? If you trust them then there will not be an issue with a friend who is of the opposite gender.
 
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tgimawb is offline tgimawb Post #4  September 5,2008, 2:05pm
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Having both practiced fidelity in our previous long-term relationships with exes who demanded that no opposite-sex friendships exist, the idea of maintaining close, formerly flirtatious connections with old friends is new and exciting territory for my current love-interest and me. We expect mutual openness & honesty with one another regarding these relationships. We know one another’s friends and consider it important to the health of our relationship to engage in social activities with them. I think that the keys are trust, honor, respect and lots of talk about feelings, desires and needs.
 
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SactoDoug is offline SactoDoug Post #5  September 5,2008, 2:30pm
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I'm going to have to disagree on one point. It is asking for trouble to be friends with single members of the opposite sex. This is especially true if you have dated them in the past.


I have seen people hang on to their "friends" as just a way to keep in touch with them just in case their current relationship does not work out. I have also seen people share intimate details with these "friends" that they should have been discussing with their SO instead. IMO that is a form of cheating.


While there may be some friendships that can workwith a single opposite sex friend, most of them are just causes of trouble in a relationship.
 
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XanBec is offline XanBec Post #6  September 5,2008, 4:17pm
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What if your opposite sex friend used to be a boyfriend that you were intimate with, do you feel I should continue this friendship now that I am in a serious relationship?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  September 5,2008, 4:50pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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tgimawb,248015 wrote :
...the idea of maintaining close, formerly flirtatious connections with old friends is new and exciting territory for my current love-interest and me.
tg....I hope you'll be successful. Unfortunately, I've known several people who thought they were very enlightened and could handle the temptation of 'flirtatious connections' that were 'exciting territory'....only to discover the heartbreak that went along with finding out they were human and potentially susceptible to temptation. Hopefully this won't happen to you.
 
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aqbella is offline aqbella Post #8  September 5,2008, 4:55pm
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uggg.... I feel this anger every time my bf gets a call from his friends who happen to be girls! I'm a very jealous person, I would like to learn to be more ok with this or I'm going to lose him.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #9  September 6,2008, 10:41am
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eharmonyadvice, wrote :

Now that you're paired up, you or your new significant other may feel a little uncomfortable socializing with your opposite-sex friends. Here's how to handle the situation so that everyone wins.
I've been single for 5 years, with a relationship in between for about 2 years. I treat both sex friends equally as long as they respect the relationship me and the relationship I'm in as well. I've become excellent friends with someex girlfriends because they genuinely liked me and I them and we continued the relationships even after the break up.


I'm very respectful of aman andwoman who are in a relationship, whether I've dated the man previously or not. Some women view other women asa threat when they have an S.O. whohas women friends. I tread lightly with these types of women and always approach "them" first before making contact with the man, no matter how well I know him. I'm polite and welcoming and if I get a sense they are still uncomfortable, I'll just back off for awhile until the "nesting" and "territorial" instinct calms down. In normal people, it usually does. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.


I have a lot of married couples who are wonderful friends of mine and that's unique for a single woman. I never feel like a third wheel because I'm friends with both as individuals and as a relationship and I support the relationship first. I've actually had wives say "PLEASE get him out of here for awhile so I can have some space!" lol! I'm the little sister that yanks my brothers off for lunch or a bike ride so mom can get a break.


I think it's a matter of common sense that to maintain frienships with both sexes in relationships, the friend has to realize that their relationship with that person will change now that they have a special someone. It's inevitable and if you can go with the flow, things will settle down and you'll have a new friend to add to the family.
 
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brownize916 is offline brownize916 Post #10  September 6,2008, 11:38am
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SactoDoug,248032 wrote :

I'm going to have to disagree on one point. It is asking for trouble to be friends with single members of the opposite sex. This is especially true if you have dated them in the past.


I have seen people hang on to their "friends" as just a way to keep in touch with them just in case their current relationship does not work out. I have also seen people share intimate details with these "friends" that they should have been discussing with their SO instead. IMO that is a form of cheating.


While there may be some friendships that can workwith a single opposite sex friend, most of them are just causes of trouble in a relationship.
Doug I have to respectfully disagree. Your example sounds to me like the person in the relationship with opposite sex friends could not successfully manage those friendships and remain respectful to their significant other.


My best friend is a single guy.Most of my casual friends are single guys.There are no romantic feelings betweenmy best friendandI and never have been. We are just very close friends, always there for each other, hang out and do things that others would do with their best friend. The only way for that to be an issue when I am in a relationship is if I disrespect my SO or if my SO is so jealous he is unable to handle my frienships. In that case I wouldn't want to date that person anyway. Part of a healthy relationship is trust. I have no intentions of ever giving anyone I date a reason to question whether or not I am trustworthy. There should be no issue with my frienships then.


My last relationshiplasted a year and his best friend was a single female. They would go out and have dinner or go to a movie togetheror do things they did before he and I started dating (as did I with my best friend). This was never an issue for me.Iknow that when he wanted relationship advice he went to hisbest friendas well. This also was not an issue.It should not ever be an issue in a healthy relationship where both parties are confident in themselves and confident in the relationship.
 
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