Help! I'm Never in the Mood!

Help! I'm Never in the Mood!

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Help! I'm Never in the Mood!


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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  August 23,2008, 8:04pm

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If you're having problems in the bedroom, you're not alone. It's thought that up to 40% of American women and 25% of American men suffer from a low sex drive. We have six steps that will help to reinvigorate your libido and rock your love life.
 
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RollingRock is offline RollingRock Post #2  August 24,2008, 8:06am
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I didn't read the article, but I can't believe it takes six steps tohelp anyone regardingsex...


Perhaps we start our own six steps, let's ask everyone and we'll pick the best ones.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #3  August 24,2008, 11:46am
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Kate4835,229565 wrote :

So eHA is heading into the bedroom now? I can definitely say that I've never been one of those 40% women and so I don't know wtf they're talking about.
No, but I was married to one of those men. Argh! Sorry, but 3 or 4 times a year just didn't work for me. Go figure. [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-tongue-out.gif[/img]
 
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dlc872 is offline dlc872 Post #4  August 24,2008, 2:22pm
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chawks64,230251 wrote :

Kate4835,229565 wrote :


So eHA is heading into the bedroom now? I can definitely say that I've never been one of those 40% women and so I don't know wtf they're talking about.


No, but I was married to one of those men. Argh! Sorry, but 3 or 4 times a year just didn't work for me. Go figure. [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-tongue-out.gif[/img]
I couldn't imagine. My ex was like that for a lot of our marriage; I never could figure it out. I have a strong drive myself and her wanting once a week at most was enough to drive me nuts. She'd then go through times when it would be a few months too. What really got me about that was that she actually really enjoyed it when the time came, so I tried to reason with her that she knew she liked this so why not a bit more often? Oh well, she's now married to a woman who's in the process of having a change to become male so perhaps that explains it all anyway, though they both say it's definitely not same sex. (I was going to challenge her partner to drop em and we'll see which one of us was wearing gender appropriate underwear when they gave me a lot of grief about this during the custody dispute but they psychologist who was working with me, thank heaven, got me to stop before I really got going.)


Anyhow, I'll never let myself again get involved with a woman who doesn't share the same sex drive I have.
 
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kim9610 is offline kim9610 Post #5  August 25,2008, 7:54pm
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I don't have that problem
 
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honey28 is offline honey28 Post #6  August 25,2008, 8:41pm

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RollingRock,229995 wrote :

I didn't read the article, but I can't believe it takes six steps tohelp anyone regardingsex...


Perhaps we start our own six steps, let's ask everyone and we'll pick the best ones.
Great idea for a new thread...[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]
 
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Kippy is offline Kippy Post #7  August 25,2008, 10:39pm
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Well hownice for all of you that don't have this problem. Good for you!


BUT,Would your relationship survive ifthisdid becomeaproblem? A lot of stuff can happen. illness, injury, hormone changes or medication side effects can all cause a lack of/ lower libido, or an inability to have sex all together.Ponder Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Reeves.


The eHarmony article makes theusual (almost trite)assumption that a low libido is caused by one partner either not being cajoled properly(forgot to light the candles?), angry about somthing, or tired. What usually happens in sex therapyare all the same methods in the eHarmony article are prescribed over a period of weeks.It must help some people fortherapists to remain be socommitedto thisapproach.But what happens when thelow libidopartner after having cooperated and worked at it, really really trying because of the love they have for their partner still has a low libido?


Because of many factors in American society we areconstantly bombarded with the ideathat every body of a legal ageshould all want sex. Themore the better. But what if thehumanlibido, like many other human traits and abilities, followed a bell curve? Wouldn't it make sense that some people would naturally notwant as much sex as others?


For those of you who are goingthrough it, have tried everything they've thrown at you, are still strugglingand starting to be made to feel like a freak. I reccomend the book "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido" by Joan Sewel.It's one woman's frank and open autobiography of her battle with her low libido. You'll know you're not alone. It was a great comfort to me personally.


I think eHarmony should add to their private matching system how frequently one disires sex. I'm not saying they tell anyone. Just that it be one of the factors when calculating a match. They use the word romance alot. But the word "romance" is open to broad interprtation.


And for any sex therapists who may read this, here's a quote from Ellen Cole, Ph.D.: sex educator and sex therapist certified by tha American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors,and Therapist. From the book "Boston Marriages" editedby Rothblum andBrehony.U of Mass Press copyright 1993. p192.Words in italics added by me.


"If one partner wants sex and the other does not, the therapist should not automatically assume that the latter has a deap-seated pathological condition that needs to be fixed, or that the outcome of a successful course of therapy would be for that partner to change. The goal of sex therapy should always be to accommodate the couple, and in some cases this may mean[ goingas far as] accepting asexuality. It is not necessarily a treatment failure if a couple comes into therapy and leaves therapy without having regular sex. Sex therapy should not have any absolute standard of sexual behavior as it's unexamined goal."
 
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petalpusher is offline petalpusher Post #8  August 28,2008, 7:05am
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My marriage was like this.We had no problem before marriage. Marriage night.... nothing and I don't mean just sex, I'm talking touching, kissing, connecting. He became very controlling and sex was on average once a month and he made sure it was not pleasant. I was so heart broken and felt so neglected. My self esteem was devastated.He made all the marriage counselors think it was me and not him. By the time the marriage ended he was diagnosed with multiple additions and with physiological problems. I never cheated in my marriage and tried to give him support; I had had it with his lies and adulterybut I told him ifhe was willing to be honest and change I was willing to wait and see. He left without waiting for the divorce to come through. I was relieved.One thing that gets me now is whenmatchessend me the "how much romance I need tohave in a relationship" question I nearly fall over laughing.I honestly have noclue anymore after 12 yrs of aloveless marriage and 15 years of being alone as a single parent.
 
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Jelize is offline Jelize Post #9  September 3,2008, 6:16pm
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My sex drive plummeted over the course of my marriage. It was briefly brought back by a Great book on this topic- Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, by John Gray. We were just too incompatible for the book to have a permanent change, but if we had been it would have made a permanent change. My sex drive, like many women's, is very dependent upon how the relationship is going. Mars and Venus in the Bedroom shows tho' how some problems just arise over time because we don't know enough about ,not only the opposite sex, but also our own when it comes to sex drive. This book and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, made my marriage last much longer (ha- they only weren't enough because we were just too incompatible). ,J
 
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killbill is offline killbill Post #10  September 5,2008, 2:52pm
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This is one of those rare occurences where mentioning Viagra isn't inappropriate.


That said, "Do it afraid"
 
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