Challenge in a relationship


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MW77009 is offline MW77009 Post #1  February 10,2012, 10:24am
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I always hear that women like men who present a bit of a challenge, even in an established relationship.

Do people think that this is accurate or just pickup artist bs? If it is accurate how would one do that without being manipulative and playing games?
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  February 10,2012, 10:27am
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I do not act as a challenge to get ... it is a challenge to get me like anybody .... Problem solved ?

I think what you are mentioning is playing games, and that probably only attracts woman who also like playing games. When you are presenting someone other then yourself, how can that be called not playing games or being manipulative ?
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #3  February 10,2012, 10:49am
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Pickup artist bs. Any behavior that is not in line with how you truly feel is 'playing games'. I know I lose interest with guys who act like they're not that interested or whatever else being "a challenge" is. I figure if they act like they're not interested, then they're really not interested and I move on.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  February 10,2012, 10:50am
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Do you like high maintenance women?.. that's about how logical it is
MW77009 wrote :
Do people think that this is accurate or just pickup artist bs? If it is accurate how would one do that without being manipulative and playing games?
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #5  February 10,2012, 11:06am
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Total junk....Only insecure men/women want to play that game together.....

A healthy and loving relationship is about two whole people coming together and seeing if they have a physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection.

The key is being yourself....don't try to be someone for someone else...It will always fail.

Learning how to express themselves clearly, calmly, and kindly to one another..

Don't make the mistake of meshing the word "challenge" and "doormat"....No one wants a doormat of a partner...The kind that always says, "Whatever....I don't care"....but then builds resentment and uses passive aggressive behavior to vent...

So...I look for a man who we share similar values but don't have every single small thing in common...I'm not looking for a clone. I want someone who loves to discuss issues like politics and world events...Who isn't afraid to disagree with me and vice versa...but respectfully.

The type of silly game playing "challenge" that some people think is good...Is when they hold off on calling, use subtle insults to keep them off balance, keep dating around to make the person "want" them more....
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  February 10,2012, 11:10am
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I think what a lot of advice like that is getting at is that women don't like a spineless yes man. This kind of advice is generally geared toward men who believe that lying and blindly agreeing to everything she says and doing anything she wants and never sharing what he really thinks or wants is the way to get into a relationship. Not surprisingly they end up failing miserably and are a great source of revenue for all the self help/player nonsense.

So it's not that women like a challenge - it's that they want a strong man who will stand by his values and opinions even if they don't align with hers.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #7  February 10,2012, 11:14am
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DancingFool wrote :
I think what a lot of advice like that is getting at is that women don't like a spineless yes man. This kind of advice is generally geared toward men who believe that lying and blindly agreeing to everything she says and doing anything she wants and never sharing what he really thinks or wants is the way to get into a relationship. Not surprisingly they end up failing miserably and are a great source of revenue for all the self help/player nonsense.

So it's not that women like a challenge - it's that they want a strong man who will stand by his values and opinions even if they don't align with hers.
This ^^^

And you can't fake it. You have to be yourself and see if she likes who you are.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #8  February 10,2012, 1:44pm
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I'd leave a man that was always trying to be 'challenging'. I like a man that wants what I want, way more often than not- I'm all about harmony.

And DF is right about the blind 'yes man' guy- that's just as irritating as a 'challenging' one. I dated a guy who had a bad case of that once, and that way of behaving almost encourages and invites mistreatment- it's not good for anyone involved.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #9  February 10,2012, 2:58pm
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One of the best things about and LTR is that at last the games stop and you get to enjoy the security of consistant behaviour and reactions with a person you can rely on both emotionally and psychologically. I think this is of the things that people still searching for a partner long for.......an end to the games of dating.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #10  February 10,2012, 7:07pm
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DancingFool wrote :

So it's not that women like a challenge - it's that they want a strong man who will stand by his values and opinions even if they don't align with hers.
No bs game playing.

Be true to you.

Be true to her.

Don't hide your feelings or avoid conflict in order to pacify. Communicate. That is plenty of challenge for any relationship.
 
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