Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #21  February 10,2012, 6:34pm
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LDJ wrote :
This is a great topic Tango and something I have often thought about. I believe it to be gender based. Men take a fairly long time to fall in love, women go much quicker.

I'll take it back to basic biology. Women give birth to a complete stranger, usually one who has given them many hours of pain to deliver, but they fall in love with that baby very quickly, almost instantly.

I have observed that men feel the attraction and then spend time finding out if there's any reason to love this person, women, feel the attraction and then wait to see if there is any reason not to love the person.

For me personally, it is in the eyes, it is a speaking of one soul to another. Every ltr that I have been in, has had the same locking of the eyes, the same message coming at me from their soul.

I will add it has nothing to do with lust, back in my prime I dated a few male models, drop dead gorgous physically, and as good looking as they were, I was only interested in finding out what more there was to them. I remember sitting across the table from a few on dates and thinking, wow what an impressively perfect physical specimen........but nothing more as far as a connection goes, and great looks alone is sooo not enough.
I'm the oddball out that in every one of my relationships, I was the last one to say I love you....They ended up saying it a month or two before me...I was very blessed in that they absolutely knew how much I adored them, but when I use those words ILU, it is extremely serious for me and that I am thinking of a future with you.

So very grateful that they were patient with me and when they said it they didn't get upset at all as they knew I wasn't there yet...they said it purely out of wanting to express their feelings towards me...And that's what I said to them...I want it to come naturally from my heart..
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #22  February 10,2012, 6:47pm
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I said I love you at about 6 months. I felt it probably at about 4 but that was too soon for it to be comfy. He was a bit earlier than I.

4-5 dates? Not in a million years. That's more "HUH. I like this guy! I wonder if he saw this article on Z...maybe I'll send it."
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #23  February 10,2012, 7:06pm
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If you feel ILY at date #4-#5, you are in love with the idea of falling in love. Just saying it ....This is not a response to KikiAZ
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #24  February 11,2012, 1:06am
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MW77009 wrote :
I think it depends on the circumstances and person(s) involved. It also depends on what is meant by that word. With my current girlfrined I knew pretty early on that there was a connection and attraction that is more than physical and has intellectual and emotional ties. That plus a commitment to participating in an evolving relationship is important. That said, I think the word love is an evolving concept that grows and changes over the length of a relationship; moving from a connection and attraction, to a progressively deeper emotional bond that includes those elements and more. The latter takes months.
MW77009 wrote :
I think it depends on the circumstances and person(s) involved. It also depends on what is meant by that word. With my current girlfrined I knew pretty early on that there was a connection and attraction that is more than physical and has intellectual and emotional ties. That plus a commitment to participating in an evolving relationship is important. That said, I think the word love is an evolving concept that grows and changes over the length of a relationship; moving from a connection and attraction, to a progressively deeper emotional bond that includes those elements and more. The latter takes months.
This is how it works for me also - it's almost like peeling an onion. (No, I'm not an ogre )
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #25  February 11,2012, 8:53am
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Goomph wrote :
If you feel ILY at date #4-#5, you are in love with the idea of falling in love. Just saying it ....This is not a response to KikiAZ
+1 When I was younger, I thought I was in love after a few dates, but I really wasn't. Lust, love, and being in-love with the idea of being in love are all new experiences at some point.. and it takes experience to accurately distinguish them.

At 3+ months into my present relationship, I believe my girlfriend is in many ways a great partner. I did a pro/con sheet and came up with 19 pros and 3 cons for our relationship, and decided 1 of those cons could be worked on. I trust her. I respect her. I care very much about her life and her happiness. If she disappeared tomorrow I would miss her. It's too early to say ILU though. I'm not "all-in". If some major life circumstance changed for her tomorrow that made a long-term relationship disadvantageous, I would be there to support her, but I wouldn't continue such a relationship indefinitely, or jeopardize my own situation.

(For reference purposes, we average 2 days / 3 nights per week together.)
Last edited by shapeShifter79; February 11,2012 at 8:57am.
 
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