Lenci2525 is offline Lenci2525 Post #1  February 6,2012, 5:37am
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I've been with my boyfriend for about 17 months, though we've known each other for around 10 years. I love him but there is another woman in his life that feels entitled to be number 1 when she shouldn't be...it's his mother. Granted I can understand a close relationship with your parents because I have one with my mom but she takes it beyond that and is jealous of our relationship. She constantly talks down about me, never has anything nice to say about me, complains that he should be with someone who doesn't have kids (I have a 8 & 5 year old from a previous relationship, their father does help take care of them even though he and I are not on good terms so I'm not trying to find a replacement father for my kids). We went out of town this weekend and she started complaining that he's spending all his money on me and my kids instead of helping her do things, I paid for our trip to Disney and didn't ask him for a dime. This woman is driving me crazy with her crap, not only this but she is calling his other family members spreading lies and rumors about me, these people are then in turn calling him telling him that he shouldn't be with me when they don't even know me. I have 2 college degrees, my car is paid for, I have my own place and a good job, I don't understand what her problem with me is!!! How do I get her to back off? I love him and want to be with him but I refuse to feel as if I'm the other woman in a relationship or have these childish things keep taking place...any advice?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  February 6,2012, 9:17am
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The bigger problem here is that your bf is fully aware of what's going on and is not willing to put a stop to it or stand up for you in any way.

As for you dealing with her, the only way to deal with her is to be nice and civil and don't let her goad you into anything ever. In short be smarter than she is and patient. Any time you react, she wins. If she ever succeeds in goading you into attacking her or retaliating - it's game over for you because no matter how justified you were, everyone, including your bf, will see you as the bad guy. The more she gets ignored and the less you react, the sooner she'll quit. Eventually people will start forming their own opinion of you and realize that who you are and who the mother portrays you to be doesn't match up. The mother will start to lose face.

Still.....what I would be most concerned about is why your bf is not handling his family and allowing them to attack you.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #3  February 6,2012, 9:24am
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DancingFool wrote :
The bigger problem here is that your bf is fully aware of what's going on and is not willing to put a stop to it or stand up for you in any way.

^^^^^^This was the first thing that went through my mind also.

Why is your bf letting her verbally attack you and spread rumors about you? He needs to put his foot down and tell his mother to stop, as long as he says nothing to her, she will most likely continue.
 
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Lenci2525 is offline Lenci2525 Post #4  February 6,2012, 10:42am
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He has said stuff to her and she goes off on these tangents about how he's so rude and disrespectful (mind you he's 31 and I'm 29 so we're not little kids) since he's been with me and blah blah blah. Then if he says anything else to her she starts screaming like an idiot and "get her blood pressure up" and pretends that she's sooooo tired and worn out that she can't discuss it anymore. I've tried to tell him that she's playing him and that there's nothing wrong with her but he still feels guilty that he got her upset enough for her to feel "faint". I know it's all a bunch of crap because she did that on Easter and after we left my bf 's brother and his bf went over there and I texted my bf's brother's bf to see what was wrong with her and he said she was perfectly fine in the kitchen cooking and on the phone with someone talking some new trash about me. Since then I have chosen to stay away from her and not to put myself in a situation where my temper could get the best of me.
She puts him on major guilty trips and always brings up the mistakes he's made in the past with other girls and tries to say that he should have listened to her back then and it's going to be the same mistakes over again with me. His dad's side of the family on the complete opposite hand love me! I've known them since I was around 12 and I met him though one of his cousins so I don't see what her issue is other than she's straight up jealous because he's not doing everything for her like he used to do.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  February 6,2012, 11:54am
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She's a drama queen and he's mama's boy...they are used to each others weirdness and so is the whole family.

Many nutty families use "outsiders" as a sacrificial zinc. A sacrificial zinc is a piece of metal near placed near underwater mechanical parts to attract corrosion to it rather than the mechanical parts. So... the parts all keep humming right along in a corrosive environment and the zinc gets the corrosion.
 
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Lenci2525 is offline Lenci2525 Post #6  February 6,2012, 12:05pm
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He's definitely a mama's boy...I'm not going to stick around to be the sacrificial lamb though. I can be alone and raise my kids just fine, I just don't understand why it's such a big deal that I have kids. I mean her oldest son (who's like 40) is not from the same dad as my bf and she wasn't married to the oldest brother's dad but she claims that "it's different now from what it was like when she had her oldest son." I don't get that...it's more acceptable for there to be single parents today than it ever was but yet I'm still a bad person because I decided to leave a horrible relationship with my children's father.
 
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Buck is online now Buck Post #7  February 6,2012, 12:07pm
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I'd put a brown paper bag filled with doggie doo on her porch, and then ring the door bell run.

Forget this lady like others have said, and I'd also wonder about him as well.
 
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Lenci2525 is offline Lenci2525 Post #8  February 6,2012, 12:09pm
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Lol I've thought about doing that but I would have to waste my gas to get the 30 miles from my house to hers lol
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #9  February 6,2012, 12:21pm
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Don't even try to wrap your head around convoluted logic...it will turn your brain into a pretzel.. wasting your time making sense of it.
Get completely out of the line of fire and don't even entertain her nonsense. What was meant by sacrificial zinc is she and your BF would have to face their own insanity and go at each other.

With you there he looks perfect and you're the devil....it works for both of them... That he's letting this go on proves he's as crazy as she
Lenci2525 wrote :
He's definitely a mama's boy.. I just don't understand why it's such a big deal that
I don't get that...it's more acceptable for there to be single parents today than it ever was but yet I'm still a bad person because I decided to leave a horrible relationship with my children's father.
 
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LuvsGoldens is offline LuvsGoldens Post #10  February 6,2012, 3:18pm
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I'm going to put a different spin on things. Perhaps your BF mother is acting out inappropriately, but often it is out of fear that she will ultimately loose her relationship with her son. You are a mother of an 8 and 5 year old, and fast forward to when these children are adults. I am sure you will be want to remain a constant part of their life. You will want to feel their future partner is going to add to their life, not take them away from family roots.
You mention you have known him for a significant time. If he is important to you, so should his mother (with her shortcomings and insecurities) Make friends with her...take her out to lunch, for a manicure something special between the two of you. If she can feel you are invested in her son and his family I just bet she will be less insecurity about the relationship.
Just my 2 cents....
 
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