tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #31  February 9,2012, 3:24am
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Lenci2525 wrote :
I really want to confront her about it because it's childish and im sick of it. He has said something to her about it but she just thiks that it's me influencing him to be rude to her instead of how he really feels. Should I go say something to her myself? I'm not the mild mannered type but I also know I can go off sometimes. Would I be warranted in doing so?
Honestly, what you describe reminds me of an awful episode of the Dr. Phil show, the mother in question was the mother of a daughter vs. son.

I don't think confronting her is the way to go. She will just draw you in, have her blood pressure 'attack' and make you look really bad. She is quite insecure, but the son is not going to confront her. You already know that.

I agree with the others that since he's not rocking the boat, that it is telling in and of itself. He's not strong enough to stand up for himself or you, and that would be a huge red flag for me.

Do you want this man to be a role model for your kids? You need to decide this because if you stay in the relationship, your kids will (if they haven't already) notice the tension and his passive behavior. Remember, you set the example for them of what is normal in a relationship.

Keep that in mind as you decide whether to stay in this relationship or not. Ultimately, it will be the example from which your children learn.
 
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lifesabeach2919 is offline lifesabeach2919 Post #32  February 16,2012, 7:07pm
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To be honest I have read all of your comments, and it is exactly what I would have said a few years ago. This is hard advice, and honestly I probably would not have listened to it either, but I am giving it to you in the hopes you will be spared some of the heartbreak I have experienced.

I highly recommend that you really consider ending the relationship. If he was willing to take a stand to mom it is one thing, but if he is not trying to change things aggressively himself it is you who will be hurt. I was with my husband for five years, married for two. When he was going through a tough spot at work and got depressed he up and moved back in with mama and divorced me. I had endured years of being second place to this woman, and been victim to her passive aggressive and aggressive behaviors. I was under the impression that he would eventually put me first. If he is allowing you to be treated so poorly, it is time to find a man who will expect everyone to treat you well. It was a hard lesson, but I am now with a man who makes me a priority and treats me well. It'll hurt to leave, but you will be spared in the long run. I highly recommend getting a counselor to support you and look at this situation. Ask if they have a knowledge of family of origin issues. I mean it - its time to run.
 
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