Found Rude Pics on Boyfriend's Phone

Jazzz, I'm glad this was helpful for you.


It's fine to be friends with people who are friends with him if you can separate them. But keep this in mind: Nobody knows everything about your relationship with him except you and him. Nobody probably knows the fear you felt when these incidents happened. Unless you told her, this friend and no one else knows about things like him breaking a plate over his own head. (And I would suspect that it's not the only time he's done something like this even if it's the only time you've seen it.) She may very well be approaching you on his behalf, because he asked her to.

Over the years, I've shared a lot about my relationship on these boards in the hopes that it is helpful to someone else. I hope this is helpful to you. When my ex left, he was an ordained minister in our church. Because of his position in the community, I had kept the problems in our marriage a secret. I didn't feel that it was my place to go talking about it all over our very small town. However, many people criticized me when stories started coming out. They chose to believe what he wanted to go around telling about me and never gave me a chance. It was very hurtful to see people that I had known for many years, that I had worshipped with, socialized with, etc, turn their backs on me and my kids. The one thing that kept me going through that was that I knew that only I knew the real whole truth. And that's true for you, too.

Perhaps he didn't ask his friend to talk to you. Maybe she called you up of her own accord because she likes you or misses you or feels bad for the two of you. But regardless of which it is, she can't possibly know everything that has happened between you and how it effected you. Don't let that sway you in your decision.

Thank you SingingGirl.

My marriage fell apart almost 3 years ago now. Was married 18 years, and have a child.

I didn't tell my in laws what happened in my marriage. we live in different countries, but he toldthem HIS version. That really hurt because the marriage ended bcause of his infidelity, and complete lack of communication. He didnt tell them the truth of course. Blamed me

I considered telling and decided not to, wasn't worth the energy. But I am not sure that was the best decision, because then ppl are not told both sides. But anyhow, for me, that is ancient history

I am missing this man terribly. But I won't even consider talking to him, until he first apologizes for the pushing. I will not contact him at all until he realizes the error of his ways!

this friend of his i hardly ever see her, I don't know her well at all, and me and my ex b/f have always been togehter when we have seen her, so it was quite unexpected that she called me. Didn't even know she had my number, as she has never called me ever.

I definitely am feeling lonely and lost. I almost text him tonight, but then it dawned on me. NO. He is the one that has done wrong, he needs to own up to that and owes me an apology. if he doesnt see that, then its complete curtains. So I am feeling vulnerable right now, and i keep getting flashbacks in our relationship. My sister just asked me today were there more special moments, than negative moments inthe relationship. There r so many more special moments in that relationship, than lows,

thank you again singinggirl. I need courage to get through this, and what lays ahead of me, and your words have been like a soothing balm.

I promise, it's not him you miss. It's the feeling(s) associated w/ him. Recognize that and it will make it easier for you to move on.

If he calls to apologize and the two of you return to 'business as usual,' what do you think will happen next... that next big fight? Think 1, 5, 10 year(s) down the road, when all the 'good' feelings are gone and you are left w/ a selfish and abusive man. Is that what you want for yourself? Is that who you want in your children's lives?

I don't see this being a long term, forever after relationship.

It troubles me that you are allowing a man who physically abused you another chance. Please read up on the cycle of domestic violence. I have paraphrased the cycle steps so you can see it easily:

You will see it has a cycle where the abuser is all apologetic and begging for forgiveness - even will promise to change/go to anger counseling, etc.

Once the person accepts the abuser back into his/her life, the next step is the honeymoon phase where everything is on a high - everything couldn't be better...or so it seems.

The next step is that tension builds as the abuser becomes lax and begins to do and say things to build the tension. And all the while his/her partner walks on eggshells trying to avoid another episode of the partner's wrath.

The final step is when a blowup occurs. Usually with each progression through the cycle, the violence that occurs escalates. Example: first he breaks a plate over his own head; then he pushes you; next - what does he have to do next to make you see he is going to continue as long as you allow him to?

I was in your shoes. My ex hit me and eventually held a knife to my neck and a gun to my head. He had me so convinced it was my fault, it was not until an EAP counselor handed me a card with the battered woman's hotline number on it, that I realized the abuse for what it was.

Please respect yourself enough to exit before the cycle repeats itself. Is this the man you want as the role model for your children? How will you react the day he turns his anger on them? It is your job to protect them.

I'm not sure what you are seeking in this relationship if you already know you don't see it as a lont-term forever relationship (as you mentioned in your post #76.

It troubles me that you are allowing a man who physically abused you another chance. Please read up on the cycle of domestic violence. I have paraphrased the cycle steps so you can see it easily:

You will see it has a cycle where the abuser is all apologetic and begging for forgiveness - even will promise to change/go to anger counseling, etc.

Once the person accepts the abuser back into his/her life, the next step is the honeymoon phase where everything is on a high - everything couldn't be better...or so it seems.

The next step is that tension builds as the abuser becomes lax and begins to do and say things to build the tension. And all the while his/her partner walks on eggshells trying to avoid another episode of the partner's wrath.

The final step is when a blowup occurs. Usually with each progression through the cycle, the violence that occurs escalates. Example: first he breaks a plate over his own head; then he pushes you; next - what does he have to do next to make you see he is going to continue as long as you allow him to?

I was in your shoes. My ex hit me and eventually held a knife to my neck and a gun to my head. He had me so convinced it was my fault, it was not until an EAP counselor handed me a card with the battered woman's hotline number on it, that I realized the abuse for what it was.

Please respect yourself enough to exit before the cycle repeats itself. Is this the man you want as the role model for your children? How will you react the day he turns his anger on them? It is your job to protect them.

I'm not sure what you are seeking in this relationship if you already know you don't see it as a lont-term forever relationship (as you mentioned in your post #76.