Recently D - Ex's new GF broke into Ex's work e-mail


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suzyque is online now suzyque Post #31  February 4,2012, 11:21am
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My ex's girlfriend (now wife - ugh) went a bit psycho on me after and during my divorce as well. She tapped into my home email account (stupid me for not using a good password), printed out private stuff for the trial and sent emails to one of my church friends, pretending she was me and telling her I have a sex addiction and really need help! Funny now, but I was horrified with embarrassment. She also would send me nasty emails pretending she was my ex husband (I could tell it was her because of the misspellings and errors). She also called my neighbor's, who is a teacher, principal and tried to get her fired, because she helped me out during my divorce.

This lady was mean, savvy and simply scared the carp out of me. My solution? Pretty much steer clear of her and not engage her or my ex husband. My ex doesn't even know she tried to fire my neighbor or that she impersonated me to my fellow church member. I laid as low as I could. Result? I hardly hear from either of them now. This is my point....she is baiting you and is looking for drama. Do not give it to her and I bet in time she will back off when it is no longer fun. Be proactive and protect yourself the best you can - you can see what kind of people they both are.

Also, pray like crazy he'll get a normal, sweet girlfriend.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #32  February 4,2012, 11:26am
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4disney wrote :
So i'm supposed to retain and pay for an attorney for the next 12 years of my life? You obviously aren't co-parenting with an ex if this is your advise. Like it or not I have to be able to communicate in some fashion with my ex about our children and I need a secure way to do it. My kids are in Elementary school.

I do agree with you that he made me lose it and that will not happen again. I am done and will not "take the bait" any longer.
When your lawyer gave you advice about having him change his email, she may have been encouraging you to communicate with your ex by giving him specific action items rather than telling him how his behavior made you feel.

That is what you'll have to do from now on.
 
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Canadiantoo is offline Canadiantoo Post #33  February 4,2012, 3:38pm
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My ex was a cheater and after we split was continually doing outrageous things that I (through the help of counselling) was able to recognize as his way of trying to still emotionally engage me. Sounds like your ex may be similar. My goal became to disengage emotionally no matter WHAT he threw my way. At first I couldn't because he was so hurtful and much of it involved the kids (him having women sleeping over while they were visiting, forgetting to pick them up, switching custody days last minute etc). But over time, with my counsellors help I found that putting NO emotion (only facts) into my responses to him helped me immensely. I viewed him as consistent in his behaviour (and thus predictable) as opposed to reacting with anger and hurt and letting contact from him ruin my day. It really worked - 8 years later and I can honestly say that I removed his drama from my life. Not that I gave in - I just would e-mail him and say "I'm not available so cannot rearrage" or "I find your tone inappropriate and disagree with your opinion" I still vent occassionally to my girlfriends, but mostly I just think "whatever" at his never-ending attempts to mess me and stay my ground in a factual way. One last thing that really helped was NOT talking on the phone. Even though you may want to avoid text and e-mail because of the girlfriend thing, it really is a great way to filter/edit your emotions out of any response you have give to him.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #34  February 5,2012, 3:45pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
No sensitive information should be emailed, and "asking him to set up an email account just for you"?...absolutely crazy!
Hey there. Just to be clear about my suggestion about her asking him to obtain a non-work related email address: most companies consider if an employee uses company resources to perform personal work (including using their email system for personal/non-work related email) inappropriate and have policies or codes of conduct which outline what is and is not acceptable. My suggestion in saying it is perfectly reasonable for her to ask he use a non-work related email address was with that in the back of my mind.

Her lawyer's suggestion that he set up an email address that would be used solely for communicating with her is absolutely absurd (assuming that's what he actually suggested), but most people separate their work and non-work-related email and have at least two addresses. He should be using a personal address for personal correspondence. Period.
 
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