missrissa09 is offline missrissa09 Post #1  February 2,2012, 8:26am
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Hi I am very confused in my relationship right now and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and 4 months now. We live almost 2 hours apart and have been taking turns every weekend to drive and see each other. We have talked about getting a place together once the lease is up on his current apartment with his roommates. Well his lease on his apartment with his roommates was up last weekend and both his roommates have moved out with their girlfriends who have been dating less time then we have. Now he is saying he is moving in with his aunt for a month or so to save up money, but he hasn't made any effort to look for a place together or anything. I really don’t know what to do because he tells me one thing then does another. PLEASE HELP!
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #2  February 2,2012, 8:53am
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talk to him about it. Ask him directly if he still wants to get a place together and what the timeline is.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #3  February 2,2012, 8:54am
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Did you ask him what the plans are for you and him?

perhaps he is in financial trouble.
 
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missrissa09 is offline missrissa09 Post #4  February 2,2012, 8:58am
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jimmyh452 wrote :
talk to him about it. Ask him directly if he still wants to get a place together and what the timeline is.
I have tried talking to him about it. When I try to talk serious to him it seems he avoids it or just tells me what I want to hear.
 
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missrissa09 is offline missrissa09 Post #5  February 2,2012, 9:00am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
Did you ask him what the plans are for you and him?

perhaps he is in financial trouble.
I know he was having some money problems, but now that he moved in with his aunt he has no bills. He says he is going to save up but he has just been blowing his checks and not putting any money back. I try asking him but its like he can't give a serious answer.
 
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JoesComments is offline JoesComments Post #6  February 2,2012, 9:03am
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The upside is his current living arrangement is basically a holding pattern. While he isn't making a bold step in the direction you want, he is not taking nag steps away (such as extending the buddy lease). I see this as buying some time and saving some money. I doubt it will last long (staying with aunt). Either way he goes from here will be a really big step.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  February 2,2012, 9:12am
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"We have talked about" and making actual plans ... are two different things. One is just talk... throwing thoughts and ideas out.

Making plans would have been the two of you discussing where to live and apt hunting together a few months ago.

Staying with a relative may be what he needs to do rather than move in with you...Good Luck..
missrissa09 wrote :
We have talked about getting a place together once the lease is up on his current apartment with his roommates.

Well his lease on his apartment with his roommates was up last weekend

Now he is saying he is moving in with his aunt for a month or so to save up money
 
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missrissa09 is offline missrissa09 Post #8  February 2,2012, 9:13am
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JoesComments wrote :
The upside is his current living arrangement is basically a holding pattern. While he isn't making a bold step in the direction you want, he is not taking nag steps away (such as extending the buddy lease). I see this as buying some time and saving some money. I doubt it will last long (staying with aunt). Either way he goes from here will be a really big step.
Yes I guess so but, he could not extend the lease with his roommates because they already got places with their girlfriends.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  February 2,2012, 9:19am
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Seems to me like you are very focused on moving in together and how other couples are moving in together and completely ignoring the bigger issues. Namely, the actual state of your relationship, whether there is any future there and most importantly his financial situation. Look at what he is doing, not what he is saying. Be careful that you are not signing leases and co-mingling financial issues with someone who is ultimately irresponsible about it and will end up not paying his share of the bills. It's tough to break up and get out when you are living together. Personally, I would not ever want to live with a guy, unless I'm engaged or married to him for all kinds of practical reasons. Put some serious thought into what you might be getting into before you press this issue any further.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  February 2,2012, 9:19am
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If he is "having money problems"...and being irresponsible with spending /saving...better to let him be his aunt's headache...than a roommate of yours.

Also, if you pay for and maintain your own place he can stay with you every weekend for free also.

Basically, he sounds immature, irresponsible and insincere...not good live-in material...Good Luck....
missrissa09 wrote :
I have tried talking to him about it. When I try to talk serious to him it seems he avoids it or just tells me what I want to hear

I know he was having some money problems, but now that he moved in with his aunt he has no bills. He says he is going to save up but he has just been blowing his checks and not putting any money back. I try asking him but its like he can't give a serious answer.
 
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