janesmithfromoc is offline janesmithfromoc Post #1  January 31,2012, 2:09pm
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Hi Everyone:

My bf and I have been dating for 7 months. We get a long great - hasn't gotten into any spat, yet (knock on wood). It's lovely and we are both very happy. We take care of each other like bestfriends. We appreciate each other and its mutual. I love it.

Recently, I had been asked to leave my apt due to some family issues with my roommate. Long story short, I need to find a place to live in 30 days. While, I spend most of my time at my bf's place. There are days when I do spend it at my apt. From a practical point of view, we should move in together. There's always a BUT in the back of my mind because this is all new to me.

Now, what are your thoughts about moving in with your bf/gf? Pros and Cons?? Experiences? I would love to hear what you guys have to say...


Thank you.
Jane
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #2  January 31,2012, 2:12pm
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My first question is, has he suggested that you move in with him?
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #3  January 31,2012, 2:20pm
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I'm probably not the best one to answer. I don't live with men I'm not married to - ever, other than strictly as roommate situations.

But in this case, it's too soon. You don't know each other well enough yet. If you've not had a spat, you have no idea how disagreements are going to affect the relationship, and deciding to live with someone as a conveniece factor very seldom translates into smooth sailing for a romantic relationship.

If you both decide to live together at some point, it should be because the relationship has naturally progressed to that - not because you don't want to look for an apartment or pay full rent.

My .02, FWIW.
 
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janesmithfromoc is offline janesmithfromoc Post #4  January 31,2012, 2:22pm
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eharmonyjc wrote :
My first question is, has he suggested that you move in with him?
Yes he has.
 
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janesmithfromoc is offline janesmithfromoc Post #5  January 31,2012, 2:24pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
I'm probably not the best one to answer. I don't live with men I'm not married to - ever, other than strictly as roommate situations.

But in this case, it's too soon. You don't know each other well enough yet. If you've not had a spat, you have no idea how disagreements are going to affect the relationship, and deciding to live with someone as a conveniece factor very seldom translates into smooth sailing for a romantic relationship.

If you both decide to live together at some point, it should be because the relationship has naturally progressed to that - not because you don't want to look for an apartment or pay full rent.

My .02, FWIW.

- THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT! THERE'S NO RIGHT OR WRONG, ANY FEEDBACK IS GREAT!
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #6  January 31,2012, 2:29pm
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janesmithfromoc wrote :
- THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT! THERE'S NO RIGHT OR WRONG, ANY FEEDBACK IS GREAT!
It's nice that he's asked, but just keep in mind that, at seven months, you're just barely getting to know one another. I also think it's important to have some mutually agreed-upon goals for the relationship if you're going to live together. Do you want to be married? Does he? Do either of you have or do you agree on a timeline for that?

Just don't move in with the idea that you'll figure all that out later. What you're likely to find is that later, if not clearly defined in the beginning, can be a very long time stretching into forever.
 
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janesmithfromoc is offline janesmithfromoc Post #7  January 31,2012, 2:47pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
It's nice that he's asked, but just keep in mind that, at seven months, you're just barely getting to know one another. I also think it's important to have some mutually agreed-upon goals for the relationship if you're going to live together. Do you want to be married? Does he? Do either of you have or do you agree on a timeline for that?

Just don't move in with the idea that you'll figure all that out later. What you're likely to find is that later, if not clearly defined in the beginning, can be a very long time stretching into forever.
I agree! I need to know we are moving in together not b/c of convience but something we want. I don't want us to be comfortable, 3 yrs down the line and end up being just roommates.

I want to build a life with him. I love him. I love us... just don't want the unknown to ruin anything. Plus, the idea of living together sounds great. I can't hold onto the idea and live life and hope it will always be rainbows and ponies.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #8  January 31,2012, 2:47pm
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I'd say, give it a shot. At this point you aren't giving up your apt to move in with him. If it doesn't work out, you'd have to find another place to live anyway. Then, at that time, you will know if you want a long term lease or not.

Then again, I'm a big believer in living with someone before making any permanent decisions. How do you know you'd want to marry him before you know if you can live with him?
 
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janesmithfromoc is offline janesmithfromoc Post #9  January 31,2012, 2:53pm
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charmed59 wrote :
I'd say, give it a shot. At this point you aren't giving up your apt to move in with him. If it doesn't work out, you'd have to find another place to live anyway. Then, at that time, you will know if you want a long term lease or not.

Then again, I'm a big believer in living with someone before making any permanent decisions. How do you know you'd want to marry him before you know if you can live with him?

Good point! I'm not an irrational person - whom falls with the idea and jumps right in. I like to break down the pros/cons. Thanks!
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #10  January 31,2012, 2:58pm
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As long as you're both on board with it, I say go for it. I'm a big believer in not letting the unknown ruin things, and like charmed59 said, you're not giving up too much to try it out. I would just be sure you cover your own bases financially (ie maintain separate accounts, keep savings, etc), that way if things didn't work out and you had to move out, you can afford to do so. Or, alternatively, have some other back up plan like moving back in with family or something like that.
 
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