audibleB is offline audibleB Post #1  January 31,2012, 10:03am
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My boyfriend and I have been dating just over seven months. We met on OKCupid and after dealing with a couple poofers at eH I was quite glad for sustained and affectionate interest! We’re quite serious seeing each other 2-3 times a week and spending time with each other's family and friends for special events and whatnot.

An issue that has me worried is his dog, which is a small rat terrier he’s had for several years (before his son was born but a few years into his first marriage). I did not grow up with a lot of pets—goldfish for a few years and later some parakeets. All my friends have cats and though I’m allergic I’ve survived being in their houses I think because cats generally ignore people anyway. Dogs, of course are often different. My boyfriend’s dog really like to jump on you, be on your lap and demand attention. She also barks a lot at the passing world outside (which is in full view as since chewed off the vertical blinds). It was pretty shocking when I first experienced her reaction to postal carrier; now I realize it might have even awakened latent childhood fears of a dog that used to chase kids like me around the neighborhood.

At first, I tried hard if nothing out of politeness. I liked my bf and he obviously liked me a lot--later turning into love. The last couple of months I admit I’ve stopped trying and do my best to ignore her. I think my bf noticed as he’s helped haul her off me a couple of times. I don’t know what if anything to do, like if I should actually bring this up as a discussion point. It would never be my intent to require someone to change to my liking. For example, we have different religious beliefs: he’s agnostic and I’m an active Mormon. But then my parent’s backgrounds were mixed so it’s easier for me to accept some diversity in that area. I’m coming to the realization that I’m not really an animal person, they just don’t pull my heartstrings—could this be a problem?
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #2  January 31,2012, 10:12am
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What exactly is the question here? You don't require him to change to your liking, meaning getting rid of the dog, so you're open to dealing with it. So where's the problem? Dogs die you know. If he decided/expected to get another dog or animal in the future then you should be fully aware of that and maybe you should have THAT conversation and not a "I don't like your dog, what are you going to do about it?" conversation.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  January 31,2012, 10:23am
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So this dog has been in your life for seven months and all it's ever done to you is be affectionate and happy to see you and all of a sudden you have this major issue with it???? If you really have some weird childhood issues to deal with, that's what therapists are for. If you believe the dog doesn't have any manners, talk to your bf about it and see if you both can work with a dog trainer to correct things. Be sure you are tactful with your bf about how you address this. If you are just looking for a reason to end things, you don't need a reason. Just end things. Don't try to pin your issues on an innocent animal though.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #4  January 31,2012, 10:35am
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Dog people tend to be dog people and we put up with tremendous things because we love their companionship. The people who love us don't necessarily have to love at the same level, but they do have to accept glad-heartedly.

There are those who won't compromise on their animal companions - whether it's about general behavior, sleeping in the bed, or accepting destructive behavior. These people can be trying even to animal lovers.

But, if you don't like dogs, will never like dogs, and his having a dog is creating an issue for you, you have to decide what to do about that. I would certainly talk about behaviors that make you uncomfortable and about your future desire (or distate) for pets. In this scenario, though, you want to err on the side of tact and graciousness if you want to keep the relationship.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #5  January 31,2012, 10:57am
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I would let him know that you aren't crazy about pets- he should know why your behavior is a bit 'off' around the dog. And, since you like this guy and realize it wouldn't be right to ask him to give up his dog, I'd consider hypnotherapy or something else to help you be more comfortable around him. And I might consider asking your guy about dog training cause chewing blinds and reacting badly to mailmen seems like behavior that could be somewhat modified. (Wouldn't count on changing the dogs behavior a lot though, especially since it isn't a puppy).
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #6  January 31,2012, 11:15am
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My girlfriend never had pets. I've always had a dog. I got my current dog about 2 months into our relationship. She puts up with him pretty well but isn't completely sold on the idea. I've made it crystal clear that I will NEVER get rid of my dog and second that I will be getting another dog in 12-15 years when mine dies. I've told her I'll compromise by getting a smaller dog next time but if my desire to have a dog in my life doesn't work for her then she needs to make a decision today because I'm not changing.

You need to have the same conversation.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #7  January 31,2012, 11:55am
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OP,
I disagree about whether you can ask him to give up the dog or not. I think you can. It is a dog. You are a people. Dogs are animals. People are people. Different species. Different importance. I am also not a pet person and certainly not a dog person. A boyfriend in the not too distant past had a dog and I found it disgusting to spend time at his house. The gross smell, the fur getting all over my clothes, the dog getting itself all over me. I started out politely asking the dog to get down. Then asking the boyfriend to tell the dog to get off of me. Then only spending time in the bedroom where the dog was not allowed when I was there. After a while I stopped going there and soon afterwards stopped seeing him. There were other issues beyond the dog, but that did play a part in my decision. A family member recently gave away a pet cat because the new girlfriend was allergic. Yes, there is a bit of sadness involved, but - it is an animal, not at all on the same plane with a person. And the whole poop in the yard and during walks thing; beyond gross. Pet lovers will never understand.
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #8  January 31,2012, 12:04pm
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One certainly has the tight to ask whatever they please but most dog owners would scoff at that request.

Anyone who hates dogs so much should just not date people who have dogs rather than try to change him. Pretty easy way to avoid the entire problem.

I put it very clearly in my profile how fond I am of dogs so any surprise "I hate your dog, it's him or me" would be met with "you know where the door is, peace"



Ephemera wrote :
OP,
I disagree about whether you can ask him to give up the dog or not. I think you can. It is a dog. You are a people. Dogs are animals. People are people. Different species. Different importance. I am also not a pet person and certainly not a dog person. A boyfriend in the not too distant past had a dog and I found it disgusting to spend time at his house. The gross smell, the fur getting all over my clothes, the dog getting itself all over me. I started out politely asking the dog to get down. Then asking the boyfriend to tell the dog to get off of me. Then only spending time in the bedroom where the dog was not allowed when I was there. After a while I stopped going there and soon afterwards stopped seeing him. There were other issues beyond the dog, but that did play a part in my decision. A family member recently gave away a pet cat because the new girlfriend was allergic. Yes, there is a bit of sadness involved, but - it is an animal, not at all on the same plane with a person. And the whole poop in the yard and during walks thing; beyond gross. Pet lovers will never understand.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #9  January 31,2012, 12:17pm
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Jimmy,
I think it is good that you put it in your profile. I am selective about not dating men that prefer a dog over a girlfriend so I like to know right away and the profile is the perfect place. It isn't that I don't like the people that have the dogs. It's just the dogs. And it is a really big deal to me.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  January 31,2012, 12:23pm
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It's not an all or nothing situation. The dog has certain unacceptable behaviors, some of which are from an unruly "upbringing".

Have you ever been with a service animal? They are more polite than most people. The obnoxious behaviors have been trained and rewarded away.

Not everyone is a "dog- whisperer", however your bearing makes an impact on it's reaction. Dogs are pack animals and have a dominance mentality. If you are firm....in your voice and reactions, yet accepting and affectionate... you will have less obnoxious reactions from this dog.

You can read up on this and perhaps discuss the behavior aspect with your BF rather than "like" or "not like" dogs....Good Luck....

audibleB wrote :
I don’t know what if anything to do, like if I should actually bring this up as a discussion point. It would never be my intent to require someone to change to my liking.
 
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