JoesComments is offline JoesComments Post #21  January 31,2012, 3:32pm
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Audible - You might have already picked it up from the other comments, but I'll make the suggestion more clearly... If your BF having a dog is a real dealbreaker for you, by all means you can ask him if he might give it up. If it is not a dealbreaker, I would think twice before asking. If you do ask and he says no, things between you might not stay exactly the same as they were before. While he might or might not express it to you directly, there is a very good chance that he will not take it well and start rethinking the relationship (with you, not the dog).

If it matters, I'm not a pet person, but can and have been ok with dating women with pets.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #22  January 31,2012, 4:54pm
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[QUOTE=
An issue that has me worried is his dog, which is a small rat terrier he’s had for several years (before his son was born but a few years into his first marriage). I did not grow up with a lot of pets—goldfish for a few years and later some parakeets. All my friends have cats and though I’m allergic I’ve survived being in their houses I think because cats generally ignore people anyway. Dogs, of course are often different. My boyfriend’s dog really like to jump on you, be on your lap and demand attention. She also barks a lot at the passing world outside (which is in full view as since chewed off the vertical blinds). It was pretty shocking when I first experienced her reaction to postal carrier; now I realize it might have even awakened latent childhood fears of a dog that used to chase kids like me around the neighborhood.

I’m coming to the realization that I’m not really an animal person, they just don’t pull my heartstrings—could this be a problem?[/QUOTE]

This could be a big problem. I just dumped a guy this weekend for exactly that. Sick to death of hearing comments about my animals and snide remarks about shedding fur, dog smells and training... in my opinion we were hardly there yet ,and I was not about to have someone dictate to me whether they should sleep in bed or not. I was willing to make adjustments, but the constant snide remarks I thought were awfully presumptuous and a symbol of things to come.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #23  January 31,2012, 5:42pm
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Agree with Ephemera.

It's a bit sad that you delayed to address this issue, but I think this is a case where offering to accept change should be put on the table - as ending it is put on the table.

Personally, I would have left at the first bark (I don't allow assultive noise.)

I think it's better to end this now, than wait for a bigger problem. He knows this animal is a problem, and allowed it.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #24  January 31,2012, 6:00pm
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You can work to extinguish the undesireable behaviours of the dog rather than going to drastic measures like thinking this is a deal breaker for the relationship.

The easiest one to eliminate is the jumping up on you. If you are standing up when the dog starts this turn your back abruptly to the dog. If it happens when you are sitting down, give the dog no attention whatsoever, this includes negative attention. Pick the dog up firmly but kindly and place her on the floor. Do not speak to her or use her name when you do this. Keep doing it, consistancy is critical. Your bf should not give the dog any attention either or speak to her when you do this. At best the dog will stop doing this behaviour altogether, but at least, she will stop doing it with you, if there is no reward in doing it.

Talk to your bf, tell him how you feel about the dog, and work together to learn how you can manage her behaviour so that you can tolerate it. This can be a growing together experience for you relationship rather than a source of conflict. If you can afford it, you can hire a specialist in dog training to come to his home and work one on one with you. In the end, the dog will be more enjoyed by all.

I did this with my dog, it worked perfectly. It took about a half dozen visits from the trainer and I think it cost ab$60 per hour for the one on one visits. Money well spent. Good Luck.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #25  January 31,2012, 6:15pm
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I want my dog to bark when someone fumbles around at my door or in my yard. That's her job. If the mailman came inside and I wasn't frightened to see him, she'd stop barking.

Once you own a pet it's tough to give it up since you don't know if it will be loved by the new owner or put to sleep. If you do want the dog gone, make sure you know of a good home for it before you bring up the subject. Don't let him know you've already done that though.
 
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audibleB is offline audibleB Post #26  January 31,2012, 7:21pm
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A lively and interesting discussion! Thank you for the responses. Simply having a dog is not a deal breaker for me (so nothing like "it's me or the dog"). If I didn't say it well originally, I mostly saw this as my problem to adapt. I think what I was asking were some ways to express how I'm feeling and there's some good stuff here, so thank you. I especially like the idea of managing the behavioral issues that started putting me off recently. I'll have a chance tomorrow to maybe practice some of LDJ's suggestions
 
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midwestgrl is offline midwestgrl Post #27  January 31,2012, 7:33pm
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As far as the "superior species" argument goes, I only have one comment: My dogs have never poofed on me.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #28  January 31,2012, 9:38pm
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midwestgrl wrote :
As far as the "superior species" argument goes, I only have one comment: My dogs have never poofed on me.
I'm sure we could stop all dates from poofing if being matched with us meant they could never leave our homes without a leash.
 
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