Interesting comment that I'm sure did not roll out intentionally


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barbarella_42 is offline barbarella_42 Post #1  January 31,2012, 4:00am
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Background: After a sub-par start and a brief breakup that didn't take, the BF and I are doing really, really well. We're 43 and 44; I'm divorced and he's never been married, although he came close to proposing to someone ten years ago.

We spent five days on a sunny beach last week, first vacation together. Our last day there, we were talking about something stupid, and he said "I never thought I'd be married to someone who [fill in the blank]". I thought about this for a moment and replied with "Oh, are we married now?" He said that it felt like it and then mentioned that it's been about six months in total.

I decided to leave it alone at that point and I haven't brought the topic up again. I'm not ready to start talking about marriage, and I'm sure he's not either. I'm intrigued by the fact that it's apparently crossed his mind, although I think reading too much into it would be a mistake.

In an entirely unrelated circumstance, the L word came out for both of us that night.

So, relationship people: What, if anything, would you make of that?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  January 31,2012, 4:42am
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Make no sense if you are not married...completely out of context.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  January 31,2012, 4:44am
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He now considers you two married ... I would not read a "He wants to marry me" from that ..... just my take ...
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #4  January 31,2012, 4:47am
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Beach vacations will do that to boyfriends. They feel like honeymoons. Wait to see what he's like a few weeks after you've gotten home.
 
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barbarella_42 is offline barbarella_42 Post #5  January 31,2012, 5:00am
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Thanks! My gut feeling says not to read into this, and I'm not ready to have that conversation anyway. i appreciate the feedback.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #6  January 31,2012, 6:16am
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Is your relationship the longest one he's had in a while or ever? I'm thinking he's just equating still being together after some months with 'married' (could speak to a whole other issue!). I wouldn't read to much into it though.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #7  January 31,2012, 6:22am
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barbarella_42 wrote :
We spent five days on a sunny beach last week, first vacation together. Our last day there, we were talking about something stupid, and he said "I never thought I'd be married to someone who [fill in the blank]".
Alright...spill it! Somebody who.....what?

Sounds like a classic Freudian slip.
 
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Buck is online now Buck Post #8  January 31,2012, 6:25am
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I'm going to the beach with my MOTOS the week after next. Should I be worried?
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #9  January 31,2012, 6:36am
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Buck wrote :
I'm going to the beach with my MOTOS the week after next. Should I be worried?
Yes.

Make sure there are no quickie, international wedding chapels anywhere near your location and promise yourself you won't fly to a place you can find one.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #10  January 31,2012, 7:15am
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Well, optimistically, he's thinking ahead.

On the other hand, perpetually single men sometimes engage in this kind of future talk as a kind of sleight of hand to keep you engaged in moving forward while they're perfectly content as is. Six months is a wee bit early. I'd just watch over the next six to see where it goes.

A red flag for me would be "It seems like we are" in reponse to the married question. There is no "seems like" to married. You either are or you aren't. I'll be the first to admit that this is my baggage but on the occasions when I've heard this from a man, no move toward an actual marriage occurred. There was even one occasion when I heard "As far as I'm concerned, we are married - we just haven't signed the papers yet" - a huge assumption and misconception that I righted immediately.

These days, I discourage future talk, unless it's accompanied by future planning.
Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; January 31,2012 at 8:05am.
 
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