Boyfriend of 2 years is suddenly distant-please help!


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annika-lee is offline annika-lee Post #1  January 27,2012, 3:56pm
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Hi! My boyfriend of two years is suddenly distant this month. Up to this month, everything has been wonderful. We are both divorced and have full custody of children, demanding jobs, busy lives...
He usually contacts me during the week but I have not heard from him for 6 days now (this is unusual). I keep going over the last time I aw him (last Saturday night) and he seemed like his normal self. I do feel he has contacted me a lot less this month than usual. It is now Friday evening, and I haven't talked to him in almost a week and he has not made plans to see me this weekend (again this is unusual).

Every advice book/dating forum I read states that when a man acts this way, it is best to not contact him, give him space. Is this what I should do? I just have an awful feeling that maybe his feelings are changing, he is losing interest, is considering breaking up. What do I do? A part of me just to call him this weekend just to see if he is ok. Would this be ok, or should I wait for him to call me? The waiting around part is becoming upsetting.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I am becoming worried that something is wrong. What would be the best way to ask him if everything is ok with our relationship?
Last edited by annika-lee; January 27,2012 at 4:00pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 27,2012, 4:16pm
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Two years, and you don't have a reason?!

If I will be unavailable to communicate, I have never failed to inform by partner.

I would not give up on a satisfying person of two years unless I found a problem. However, if he is busy he should have told you why (and when he expected this problem to abate.)

To my taste, a choice to expect me to do all the effort would be a deal-breaker (in fact, it would be why I'd have lost interest in the first place.)

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Although you didn't ask it, I'd wonder what type of future you are seeking, and how you've communicated that.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  January 27,2012, 4:17pm
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annika-lee wrote :
Hi! My boyfriend of two years is suddenly distant this month. Up to this month, everything has been wonderful. We are both divorced and have full custody of children, demanding jobs, busy lives...
He usually contacts me during the week but I have not heard from him for 6 days now (this is unusual). I keep going over the last time I aw him (last Saturday night) and he seemed like his normal self. I do feel he has contacted me a lot less this month than usual. It is now Friday evening, and I haven't talked to him in almost a week and he has not made plans to see me this weekend (again this is unusual).

Every advice book/dating forum I read states that when a man acts this way, it is best to not contact him, give him space. Is this what I should do? I just have an awful feeling that maybe his feelings are changing, he is losing interest, is considering breaking up. What do I do? A part of me just to call him this weekend just to see if he is ok. Would this be ok, or should I wait for him to call me? The waiting around part is becoming upsetting.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I am becoming worried that something is wrong. What would be the best way to ask him if everything is ok with our relationship?
When I read relationship advice like that it generally seems to be referring to dating scenarios rather than a relationship. Is he always the one that calls you? Generally when I'm in a relationship for even a few months it is not unusual for both of us to be contacting each other on a regular basis. So I probably would have long reached out to him.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  January 27,2012, 4:19pm
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I would also say I would be appalled by the opposite. If I hadn't reached out to a SO in awhile and they didn't call to check in on me it would indicate to me a lack of concern. Because these are generally times when something is genuinely wrong. (I should say wrong outside the relationship...I don't believe that ignoring someone is a way to get attention or resolve arguments.) I know there have been times when I haven't contacted a SO for legitimate reasons and if the communication pattern changed they would generally check in to make sure everything was okay, and vice versa.
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annika-lee is offline annika-lee Post #5  January 27,2012, 4:24pm
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Ok, thank you for your advice. I will call him tonight and check up on him. I guess I am just feeling a vibe that something is wrong with our relationship. I usually do call him, he generally emails during the week. But this week I have been busy, and then realized I have not heard from him. Just worried.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #6  January 27,2012, 4:27pm
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boschimsp wrote :
I would also say I would be appalled by the opposite.
Me too. This is only the third month I've been seeing my girlfriend. I contact her. She contacts me. I'm surprised the OP says she's waited six days to contact him. My girlfriend naturally pings me on a regular basis and if I didn't respond for awhile, I'm sure she'd check in with me to see if I were doing okay!

In short, my advice is to call a.s.a.p. and stop the waiting game. Something is probably wrong. Find out what! I hope all turns out well.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; January 27,2012 at 4:29pm.
 
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annika-lee is offline annika-lee Post #7  January 27,2012, 5:12pm
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I called and got his voice mail. Left him a message.

I understand what everyone is saying - but I am wondering why he hasn't called to check up on me. Again, I am getting a vibe that our relationship is changing. I suppose if he doesn't return my call, I have my answer.

Thanks- I appreciate everyone's advice.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  January 27,2012, 5:14pm
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I hope you already called and got in touch with him ? Six days is TOO long to wait for someone to get in touch with you. it shows that (no offense but) the relationship might be a little bit one sided. We do not know your situation except what you wrote, so this is only based on your post.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  January 27,2012, 5:17pm
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So glad to hear that you called ...You posted while I was typing. At this stage, I would call common friends/family and try to establish that he is (healthwise) ok. Just my humble opinion ....If he wants to move on, you will know soon enough anyways, you calling to make sure wonlt change a thing. But I think you need to do a little bit more. Just my humble opinion.
 
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annika-lee is offline annika-lee Post #10  January 27,2012, 5:22pm
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Goomph- do you mean it appears I am more invested/ care more than he does (that kind of one-sided)? He usually sends an email or text during the week. He is not big on talking on the phone, so I generally call him. This is the longest we have gone without talking. I am starting to get upset, wondering why he hasn't called, why he didn't answer my call tonight, hoping he will call me back. Just worried...
 
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