allurah is offline allurah Post #1  January 27,2012, 7:05am
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How do you deal with an ex who after months of being broken up contacts you "hinting" they will hurt themselves because being apart is so unbearable for them?

"I have a pit of despair, which is ironically filled with all our happy memories, all your beautiful qualities, and even all my foolish happy future fantasies, and it is very, very deep. It is "hurt myself" deep. And I have to balance myself on its edge while the truth of a single fact pushes me violently in. We are as perfect as it gets except for the distance. That single truth, so simple to solve but so impossible, makes that a very hard push."


No, the distance was not the only thing that broke us up, it's been several months, I moved on -- or am trying to -- despite the break up, caring for mother with cancer, managing finances of two households and every other responsibility in between. This is so cruel of him. To threaten imposing such a horrible guilt that will last a lifetime just because life took us in different paths.

Then he proceeded to say:

"I've been so lonely without you, and now it's like I'm barely head above a very black ocean. Just one flaw between us, just one. Our entire future destroyed by a cruel twist of fate. I don't want someone else. I want my best friend that I hold her hand while deep asleep.I want the woman that after almost a decade can still make my veins run with lust simply by putting on a dress, I want the soulmate that fantasizes about about a little pup, and then formed a family with by randomly running into him and impulsively adopting him. I just want to be old already and happy together. (Edited by MM for masked obscenity)"


This is making everything so much more difficult. Initially, when we ended it he acted aloof -- he didn't care. Nothing could stand in the way of his dreams ...I let him pursue them while I stayed behind caring for my sick parents. I am not moving. This was in November. I have been seeing someone who has been so good to me and so very supportive -- type of support I didn't get from mr. fancywords -- and we have been taking that slow. I DON'T want to go down the same path with the ex, and i DON'T want to give up what I have cultivated with this other person. But how do you respond to what he's saying? HOW, without sounding heartless, do you address these wonderful and deeply touching words he is saying. And on top of it all, HOW do I deal with his indirect threats of harming himself.

I feel this is so unfair.
Last edited by AndieIsMe; January 27,2012 at 4:30pm.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is online now Dropdeadredtx Post #2  January 27,2012, 7:23am
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It is worse than unfair, it is conniving and disturbed. There is nothing about these words that are 'wonderful and deeply touching'; he is using your past and playing on your kindness.
Contact a close friend or family member (his) and express any legitimate concerns about possible depression and suicide. but don't let this sway you. Anyone who would try the 'life is not worth living without you' is seriously unstable and emotionally immature - this is what 15 year old girls do, not adult men. Be kind and compassionate but be strong FOR YOU.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is online now Dropdeadredtx Post #3  January 27,2012, 7:26am
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Ack...I responded but the filter caught the word I used for ending one's life....I forgot that was a trigger.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #4  January 27,2012, 7:27am
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I'm not seeing wonderful deeply touching words. I'm reading manipulative man trying to push buttons and trying to find a way back in.

"That single truth, so simple to solve but so impossible," - this is not normal communication.


and.... did he ask about how your mother is?
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #5  January 27,2012, 7:28am
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if you fall for this email you only have yourself to blame.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is online now Dropdeadredtx Post #6  January 27,2012, 7:32am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
I'm not seeing wonderful deeply touching words. I'm reading manipulative man trying to push buttons and trying to find a way back in.

"That single truth, so simple to solve but so impossible," - this is not normal communication.


and.... did he ask about how your mother is?
Exactly. He knows you well enough to know exactly what to say to push your buttons. I find the passages you quoted creepy, not romantic at all.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #7  January 27,2012, 7:44am
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Ditto what Stevo said.

allurah wrote :
....But how do you respond to what he's saying? HOW, without sounding heartless, do you address these wonderful and deeply touching words he is saying. And on top of it all, HOW do I deal with his indirect threats of harming himself.
You don't respond.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  January 27,2012, 7:47am
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Very manipulative.....ignore it , laugh at it ....is intended to hit nerves , induce guilt, evoke nostalgia........Do not respond or even take any of it seriously.

He knows which chords to strike and is doing so for completely selfish reasons (Has a dry spell, bored , lonely wants to obstruct your moving on, etc.)...

Keep moving on with the new guy...Good Luck
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #9  January 27,2012, 7:47am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
I'm not seeing wonderful deeply touching words. I'm reading manipulative man trying to push buttons and trying to find a way back in.

"That single truth, so simple to solve but so impossible," - this is not normal communication.

and.... did he ask about how your mother is?
Steve is spot on, he's trying the manipulative angle to lure you back.

Dropdeadredtx wrote :
Exactly. He knows you well enough to know exactly what to say to push your buttons. I find the passages you quoted creepy, not romantic at all.
Creepy is right. *shudders*

Allurah do not even respond to him.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  January 27,2012, 7:51am
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Is this the creep in LA who gave you the ultimatum to ditch helping your mother shortly after her diagnosis... to move to him and his fantasy film -star "career"...or "he's done"?

If so...this writing sounds like rubbish from drama class.
 
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