cristie86 is offline cristie86 Post #1  January 25,2012, 7:59pm
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I've been asked to find the engagement ring I want, he's going to pay for it and give it to me "as a surprise"... Are you kidding me? Ha ha ha! I really wanted to beat him but at least he's moving forward? Huh?

What is going on? I KNOW this isn't the "traditional" way he wants to do things so what the .... is going on?
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #2  January 25,2012, 8:30pm
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That sounds pretty normal actually. I know plenty of girls who have gone w/ their boyfriend to ring shop, then he either buys it then or goes back later and buys it. I also know a girl that gave her boyfriend a picture of the exact ring she wanted. The surprise element comes in the actual proposal, they never know when/where it was going to come.

I am really picky about jewelry and clothes, so I don't subscribe to the "he should know me well enough to know what I'd like" stuff. My own mother doesn't even buy me anything I can wear because I'm so picky and she learned her lesson LOL This is the one item I plan to wear for the rest of my life, so I wouldn't want to risk him buying something I don't like, and then that awkward conversation where I tell him I don't like it and ask if we can exchange it for something I'd actually like. I would give a guy some ideas of what I like, and he could use those to go shopping to find the actual ring. Maybe you could do that versus picking out the exact one, that way it's still somewhat of a surprise for you?
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  January 26,2012, 2:58am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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My guess is, you have given him some reason to believe that you are incredibly picky and anything he chooses, you won't be happy with.
 
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cristie86 is offline cristie86 Post #4  January 26,2012, 3:34am
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I can't wear it for more that 3 days at a time. I'm allergic to almost (if not all) metals that are in constant contact with my skin. I told him I didn't really care what he wanted to pick out because he had me take a quiz to find the ring that "fits my personally" it was a nice ring, and simple. I liked it a lot! So he has a idea.

I also love elegant, vintage, super simple and pretty much anything else. I'm not picky, at all. Oh well, I guess it's not that big a deal and quite normal from you guys responses. I guess I'll do that now since I have not been keeping up with the times!

Thanks JC and BB.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #5  January 26,2012, 3:52am
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cristie86 wrote :
So he has a idea.
If only I had a nickel for everytime I've heard this come out of a woman's mouth about a man ...and it turned out that he didn't have a clue!

cristie86 wrote :
I told him I didn't really care what he wanted to pick out
In some regards, saying "I don't care" is actually worse than saying, "I'm extremely picky". Let me reword my comment above to reflect this new information:

"My guess is, you have given him some reason to believe that you just don't care and anything he chooses, he won't be able to 'wow' you with."

Guys have a kind of funky thought process when it comes to engagement rings ...and, believe it or not, on some level, we still believe that if it's not the 'right' ring, you won't want to marry us. It's crazy, I know ...but, for guys, the engagement ring is as much a symbol of your acceptance of us as it is, for women, a symbol of our love for you.
 
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LongLocks is offline LongLocks Post #6  January 26,2012, 5:55am
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cristie86 wrote :
I can't wear it for more that 3 days at a time. I'm allergic to almost (if not all) metals that are in constant contact with my skin. I told him I didn't really care what he wanted to pick out because he had me take a quiz to find the ring that "fits my personally" it was a nice ring, and simple. I liked it a lot! So he has a idea.

I also love elegant, vintage, super simple and pretty much anything else. I'm not picky, at all. Oh well, I guess it's not that big a deal and quite normal from you guys responses. I guess I'll do that now since I have not been keeping up with the times!

Thanks JC and BB.
Platinum is hypoallergenic! I've never had any problem wearing my plat. rings. Right now the prices are comparable to gold. Some vintage rings are actually made in platinum. Enjoy and congrats!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  January 26,2012, 5:56am
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Too funny. First you were unhappy that he didn't want to get married, now that he does, you are not happy how he is going about it. Be careful with that kind of constant negative mindset.......
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #8  January 26,2012, 6:38am
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Cristie....I'm going to be blunt here. But getting you a ring has nothing to do with him actually being ok with and planning the wedding/getting married.

Is he fine with the wedding this August as you wanted? So he has said to you..."I've changed my mind, I adore you, I love you, and I can't wait to be married to you and I'm 100% sure"...???

If not...I can guarantee this is just a way to keep you calm for the next year or so....

I mean, just last week you were pretty certain you were going to leave him and going to look into all the legal issues with your children, and such. Now all of a sudden everything has changed for you both?

Sorry, but things just don't turn around like this....That is why I said the ONLY way, if I was in your position, I would be ok with this is if you had never brought anything up the last weeks...YOU have been the one talking about marriage....HE is the one that has been upset about it and wanting to drop the subject...

If he had come to you....out of the blue....and said what I quoted above and it was all his doing...then I would think otherwise...But after reading all your threads/posts....I just think you both are going about this in the wrong way...

What has changed for him all of a sudden after 4 years? What epiphany has he had in the last week?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  January 26,2012, 7:15am
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Ingy, I think you are forgetting that they already did the house, the baby and the white picket fence thing - reason why people get married in the first place. At this point marriage for them is nothing more than a piece of paper and yes one they should get for various legal reasons and mostly for the kids. However, his reluctance and her sudden desire for the fairy tale are both equally ridiculous and neither one of them has a leg to stand on about the subject. That ship has sailed a long long time ago. So if he suddenly woke up to the fact they are being ridiculous about this and decided to take some action, that's a good thing. There is no reason for you to spread doubt and negativity. The bottom line is that these two should really be considering the family and life they've already created and think about the bigger picture instead of this kind of bickering over marriage or oh no, he is not proposing the way I want. This is not a situation of two single childless people who've just been casually dating for too long. These two have already created a full married life complete with kids. He is hardly stringing anything here.
 
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cristie86 is offline cristie86 Post #10  January 26,2012, 7:36am
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I didn't say that we got engaged or that I was willing to wait any longer. He did agree that we could comprise on the date to this year but he wanted to make sure that his dad was here from Afghanistan when we did. Apparently, his father reassured him that he would NOT miss his ONLY son's wedding.

And Ingy, you are absolutely right! I KNOW he doesn't think that giving me a ring to wait another year is going to make me happy. Because it's not what I want. I don't want my views about marriage to be mocked. I guess his epiphany came when we went to the supermarket and, looking a hot mess, a guy was trying to hit on me while he got the cereal. lol! I really don't know. He's in Florida right now helping his parents move into a storage unit, but when he gets back I'm really interested in knowing what's going on in his mind.

The way he came about with the engagement ring deal was just a shock. For someone who wanted to do things the "traditional way", this is a hell of a way to show how "traditional" you want it to be.

BB, I can see how it would be so nerve wrecking for a man. I agree with you but, although you've probably heard this too, I'm not that way, honestly (probably heard that too, huh?) Lol!

And LongLocks, thanks for the advice! I hadn't looked at Platinum at all when it came to ANY jewelry. I'll go get some earrings and see if it works. Good thing to keep in the back of my mind for whenever I do get engaged ;-)
 
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