VolGal is offline VolGal Post #71  January 29,2012, 3:48pm
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Cristie,

I have actually read all 7 pages of replies. Have you seen the movie "He's Just Not That Into You"? I would pay attention to the scene where the cheating lawyer is on the boat with the guy who lives with Jennifer Aniston's character.

For men, committing prematurely is a disaster waiting to happen.

In my law practice, I see many young girls, some not old enough for a driver's license, who get pregnant thinking it will "snare" the boy, or that the child will love her and all her troubles will cease. Unfortunately, neither of those occurs and she is just another unwed teenage mother statistic who doesn't graduate from high school.

It seems as if your relationship has all the hallmarks of a successful one: commitment, children, a common home, a past and future, and mostly harmony.

I see in my law practice many, many successful relationships such as yours that never need marriage, and the parties don't marry for quite a while.

Marriage is a joint commitment. You have to decide whether, all other things being the same, the piece of paper, the bling-bling and the ceremony are worth terminating everything the wonderful things you two have together.

Guys don't like being backed into a corner and given ultimatums. If you really need this that much, and love him that much, then give him space. He'll figure it out. Often when the kennel door is opened and the dog is able to roam free, amazing things happen!

Good luck to you. I am a testimony to the fact that everything going right will not, even after 25 years, bring you permanent wedded bliss. With more than 50% of first marriages ending in divorce, marriage just ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Just my two cents' worth...
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #72  January 30,2012, 8:17am
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Seems to me that pushing a guy into marriage is likely to backfire but at the same time what happens when next year rolls around and he's like, yeah umm no let's to it next year. At some point you two have to sit down and have a very serious talk about the relationship and what you both want out of it. There's gotta be a compromise in there somewhere, there always is unless one or both parties are too stubborn to meet it.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #73  January 30,2012, 8:52am
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Well stated:
VolGal wrote :
Marriage is a joint commitment. You have to decide whether, all other things being the same, the piece of paper, the bling-bling and the ceremony are worth terminating everything the wonderful things you two have together.
Perhaps discussing the important reasons to marry, such as having a home, life and children in common and forgoing the bling-ring / wedding would be wiser.

He may be willing to compromise if the bling-ring / wedding talk is off the table.He may be adverse to doing it just to keep up with siblings, relatives,etc. and bridezilla fever.

Many people (particularly those already living together) choose to marry without all the expensive one day party nonsense, and invest in wiser things....

Agree:
jimmyh452 wrote :
Seems to me that pushing a guy into marriage is likely to backfire but at the same time what happens when next year rolls around and he's like, yeah umm no let's to it next year. At some point you two have to sit down and have a very serious talk about the relationship and what you both want out of it. There's gotta be a compromise in there somewhere, there always is unless one or both parties are too stubborn to meet it.
 
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Vanillasky is offline Vanillasky Post #74  January 30,2012, 2:15pm
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cristie86 wrote :
Alethea, honestly, I cannot keep myself in this situation. I didn't become part of this relationship for it to get stuck on different sides of the river. We both came in knowing that after 3 years, we'd get married. I would rather "break up" my family and teach my kids that when something is important to you, you don't sweep it under the rug because someone doesn't think it's time to do it rather than, I'm settling because he made me happy before but since we're still not married, I'm unhappy with myself and where my life has left me. I understand your point and it's greatly appreciated, really, but the truth of the matter is that since engagement is such an important part for him, he should have done it before, not changed the date and gotten married in the summer. I can't respect someone who doesn't respect me and at the end of the day, I'll hate him for asking me to stick around. Not worth it to me. I rather leave and be happy on my own before we just start cheating on each other and saying hurtful things and all those other things that happen when a couple falls out of love.
What would cause (either or both of) you to suddenly fall out of love or cheat?
 
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cristie86 is offline cristie86 Post #75  February 1,2012, 5:48am
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Sorry guys, busy weekend with the baby's birthday party. Glad that's over and done with. Lol!

Hey VanillaSky, isn't that, normally, what people do when they're sick and tired of each other and are too lazy (or tired) to talk it out and break up on good terms? Breaking up is hard and let's be honest, there aren't a lot of people who actually are willing to sit down and break it off in a civil manner because they don't want to be "the bad guy". I don't have a problem with being "the bad guy" if it's going to save everyone some time and sever heartache down the line.

I'm not say that that's what we'll do. I was just trying to exaggerate it to the point other people might understand. Again, not us.
 
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