harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #81  February 10,2012, 10:44am
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Goomph wrote :
I am so glad you changed it .....
It doesn't say it was edited though. Does that ever happen to you?
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #82  February 10,2012, 10:50am
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That's why I was surprised .... Whenever I make a change it always says so. Regardless, Thanks


harnomygirl wrote :
It doesn't say it was edited though. Does that ever happen to you?
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #83  February 10,2012, 10:50am
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harnomygirl wrote :
It doesn't say it was edited though. Does that ever happen to you?
I learned that if you edit the post within a minute or so...it won't show an edit....I have fun now trying to "beat the clock" when I edit...LOL
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #84  February 10,2012, 10:51am
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They could use different kittens? That would be positive, right?
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #85  February 10,2012, 10:52am
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Ingytravel wrote :
I learned that if you edit the post within a minute or so...it won't show an edit....I have fun now trying to "beat the clock" when I edit...LOL
I think I'll aim for that.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #86  February 10,2012, 2:30pm
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The OP is still here, still participating, and has implied she would like the thread to stay on topic.

So let's do that please. Please start a new thread if you would like to discuss some other topic.

Thanks!

Smathmo wrote :
Hello! Long time lurker, first time poster.

I've been dating a guy for four months and everything so far is amazing - we're very compatible in all aspects except for one. I'm a vegan, and he's a meateater.

I brought up fairly early on that if we were to live together/marry that he would have to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle (not vegan - I know how hard it is and so I would be happy with just vegetarian). To me, it is just as important as religion - especially as I could never cope with meat in the house and it bothers me to see people eat it (though I put up with it because I live in the real world). He said he wasn't sure and would have to think about it, which was fair enough as we hadn't been dating that long at that point, and it seemed like something he'd consider.

Since then, it's been mentioned once or twice and he's seemed non-committal, the most recent time being just a few weeks ago. Since then, I've found out that he's told a mutual friend flat out that he wouldn't go vegetarian and that he's 'told me this'. Apparently he said he was avoiding the topic because he hoped it would become less important over time.

Now I'm at a loss as to what to do. I've never felt so connected and as if a relationship is going to last before (I've been engaged before and even then it didn't feel this right). Sometimes I feel like if we live together, and I'm cooking all the time, that it will sort itself out and he will just become veggie gradually - he's certainly eating more veggie since we got together, even when I'm not around. But on the other hand, I'm not sure I could live with this, knowing that he's ok with all the terrible consequences of meat-eating: the animal cruelty, the environmental impacts etc and whether I'm just being optimistic because I really don't want to lose him. It's also a matter of being on my side - I get *a lot* of derogatory comments/attitude because I'm a vegan and it makes me feel like he's on their side when he eats meat.

It seems like this horrible choice between being happy with the man I love and living a life that I can feel ethically comfortable with. Have any of you had to face this choice? And if so, what did you do?

I don't want this to turn into a 'whether veggie is right or not' thread. I just want some advice on this kind of conundrum. Am I being unreasonable? He knew the price of admission straight up.
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #87  February 10,2012, 2:39pm
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Sorry, I just assumed that the OP had lost interest since there had been no response posts for a while. Perhaps she would like to weigh in with any further thoughts or changes of heart or epiphanies garnered from all of our responses? Sometimes it's nice to hear that someone has actually thought things through because of things others put out there and may have come to some new conclusions based on such. Or not, just a suggestion.
 
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Immerito is offline Immerito Post #88  February 10,2012, 7:21pm
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Smathmo wrote :
Hello! Long time lurker, first time poster.

I've been dating a guy for four months and everything so far is amazing - we're very compatible in all aspects except for one. I'm a vegan, and he's a meateater.

I brought up fairly early on that if we were to live together/marry that he would have to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle (not vegan - I know how hard it is and so I would be happy with just vegetarian). To me, it is just as important as religion - especially as I could never cope with meat in the house and it bothers me to see people eat it (though I put up with it because I live in the real world). He said he wasn't sure and would have to think about it, which was fair enough as we hadn't been dating that long at that point, and it seemed like something he'd consider.

Since then, it's been mentioned once or twice and he's seemed non-committal, the most recent time being just a few weeks ago. Since then, I've found out that he's told a mutual friend flat out that he wouldn't go vegetarian and that he's 'told me this'. Apparently he said he was avoiding the topic because he hoped it would become less important over time.

Now I'm at a loss as to what to do. I've never felt so connected and as if a relationship is going to last before (I've been engaged before and even then it didn't feel this right). Sometimes I feel like if we live together, and I'm cooking all the time, that it will sort itself out and he will just become veggie gradually - he's certainly eating more veggie since we got together, even when I'm not around. But on the other hand, I'm not sure I could live with this, knowing that he's ok with all the terrible consequences of meat-eating: the animal cruelty, the environmental impacts etc and whether I'm just being optimistic because I really don't want to lose him. It's also a matter of being on my side - I get *a lot* of derogatory comments/attitude because I'm a vegan and it makes me feel like he's on their side when he eats meat.

It seems like this horrible choice between being happy with the man I love and living a life that I can feel ethically comfortable with. Have any of you had to face this choice? And if so, what did you do?

I don't want this to turn into a 'whether veggie is right or not' thread. I just want some advice on this kind of conundrum. Am I being unreasonable? He knew the price of admission straight up.
Would you suppose that a man who insisted that you convert to an omnivorous diet, and who expected that only omnivorous meals would be served in his home and to his children was being unreasonable?

The Golden Rule applies here: Do to others what you want them to do to you.

I think you would be better off finding a vegan man (rare as those may be) instead of delivering ultimatums about diet (and future diet).
 
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Smathmo is offline Smathmo Post #89  February 11,2012, 1:20am
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Immerito wrote :
Would you suppose that a man who insisted that you convert to an omnivorous diet, and who expected that only omnivorous meals would be served in his home and to his children was being unreasonable?

The Golden Rule applies here: Do to others what you want them to do to you.

I think you would be better off finding a vegan man (rare as those may be) instead of delivering ultimatums about diet (and future diet).
I actually encounter this attitude quite a lot - people who just won't date me because I'm vegan. I don't think it's unreasonable to know and understand what works for you and what doesn't and be able to articulate that.

It's like if a guy told me he didn't want monogamy as part of a relationship with him. He knows straight up what works for him. If that's not something I could deliver, then it's clear he's not the guy for me. That doesn't invalidate his preference and he's not a bad person for wanting me to adopt his lifestyle. It's part of the package of being with him. Same with religion.

I have never met an eligible vegan man in my life, and the vegan community where I am is so small that it's unlikely I ever will. So it's pretty much a choice between converting a non-believer (so to speak) or spinsterhood.
 
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Smathmo is offline Smathmo Post #90  February 11,2012, 1:27am
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Ingytravel wrote :
We started going off on a tangent as you stopped answering questions that we had for you....

You haven't addressed what you will do if he chooses to change his mind and not be a vegetarian.....That is his right as an adult to change his mind any time as mentioned...he is doing this for you....not of his own accord...

So, if you all get engaged or are married and he decides he's had enough and wants to go back to eating meat...wants to have dinners and meals that include this in his own home, .as well as wants to raise the kids this way....how will you react?
I haven't answered this because truly, I don't know. I can't predict the future and it depends on so many factors.

If he went back to meat after we'd been together for years, I would be heartbroken and I think it would be relationship-ending. But if I have a family, is it worth breaking the family up over? I really don't know. It's easy to be hardline on my values when it's hypothetical.
 
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