harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #111  January 31,2012, 4:52am
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soulsista wrote :
Well said Wiseman2! Absolutely. Thanks for your advice hey.

i certainly dont have my head in the clouds regarding this relationship,. I didnt get to be financially secure by being stupid, and I ain't going to do anything in this world to lose that.
I would ask myself why I was satisfied with a boy toy. Did the divorce leave me with that low an opinion of men or do I believe that a good man I can respect is out there waiting for me?
 
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soulsista is offline soulsista Post #112  January 31,2012, 5:01am
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harnomygirl wrote :
I would ask myself why I was satisfied with a boy toy. Did the divorce leave me with that low an opinion of men or do I believe that a good man I can respect is out there waiting for me?

Not really sure tbh. Either way, I'm happy....for now.
Maybe I'm not quite ready for a serious relationship yet
I was married 20 years, and this is my first relationship out of it.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #113  January 31,2012, 5:06am
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soulsista wrote :
Not really sure tbh. Either way, I'm happy....for now.
Maybe I'm not quite ready for a serious relationship yet
I was married 20 years, and this is my first relationship out of it.
That makes sense. I didn't think much of the first guy I dated more than once after my divorce either. He was fun though.

Just remember what you're doing so you don't fall in love with a loser.

Edit: In fact, I think it's too risky to date those men long term. You're not cold enough yet, post-divorce, and you do care about what is happening in his life. It's a habit you picked up while married.

If you find that you're not bored when he talks about things that don't affect you directly, you're getting too involved for the safety of your heart.
Last edited by harnomygirl; January 31,2012 at 5:19am.
 
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soulsista is offline soulsista Post #114  January 31,2012, 5:18am
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Thank you harnomygirl !

Its been 14 months in this relationship. And not in love yet. I can't see it happening now. Its a bit too late. I think I would have fallen in love with himmuch sooner, if it was meant to happen.

I guess, how does one know when they are ready for a serious relationship? Hard to know, and after being married for 20 years, have no inkling whatsoever to move in with any one, man or woman. Really value my alone time, never was like that whilst married. learnt to love and appreciate my own company when i had to live alone. Never thought I would love it, like this.
 
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soulsista is offline soulsista Post #115  January 31,2012, 5:27am
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Hi again Harnomygirl

What does it mean "not cold enough yet"?

I am a very warm, nurturing person. I do care about him, and what happens to him, but its more like how you care about what happens to a good friend. I don't want to lose that part of myself

For instance, if we broke, I would miss him very much. But , and I know this from my marriage, time heals all wounds.

Thanks so much for the heads up Harnomygirl !
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #116  January 31,2012, 5:32am
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soulsista wrote :
Hi again Harnomygirl

What does it mean "not cold enough yet"?

I am a very warm, nurturing person. I do care about him, and what happens to him, but its more like how you care about what happens to a good friend. I don't want to lose that part of myself

For instance, if we broke, I would miss him very much. But , and I know this from my marriage, time heals all wounds.

Thanks so much for the heads up Harnomygirl !
I meant that you do sound warm and nurturing so you'll be at a greater risk than someone who just doesn't care in general.

It sounds like you're on the right track though, so have fun. I'm willing to bet you can't help making him a better person, but that is okay. If he's never good enough for you, you probably won't stay.
 
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soulsista is offline soulsista Post #117  January 31,2012, 5:48am
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I'm really glad you gave that example, Harnomygirl

when he talks about himself and his plans, i feel detached, not bored, but detached. Like it doesnt really affect me directly. I want this best for him of course, but i definitely have a feeling of detachment from his plans for the future.

Thanks so much for your kind advice.
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #118  January 31,2012, 5:34pm
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is upbeat and happy despite the smell of mendacity in the warm spring air!...:)

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legend29 wrote :
Sorry I've been away for a bit...

If he can afford to smoke, and your posts suggest he does, and if smoking is not a deal-breaker for you, I say explore the possibilities and see where it goes.

You also state he pays for your dates, which is always a plus in my dept.....but only you can know if he is just show-boating to court you and get then slack off financially, or of he is really trying to be the man you need/want him to be..

Money certainly isn't everything...if you like him enough, be prepared to stand by him...despite his financial situation....love sometimes really does conquer all...and sometime not.

I wish you all the best soulsista...truly I do...
wrong post...
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #119  January 31,2012, 5:36pm
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is upbeat and happy despite the smell of mendacity in the warm spring air!...:)

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soulsista wrote :
Thank you Legend29!

Will keep you updated as to how events pan out.

Yes you r right. Money isnt everything. I do like him very much, but don't see this being a long term forever after relationship, and that's ok. I don't want to get married ever again. And the idea of living with someone, is the last thing i want to do. I enjoy my freedom.
You are welcome for the advice though I do not know how useful my advice will be since I've never been in your situation...not since leaving my ex-husband, that is.

Men my age tend to have other issues that affect the relationship progressing forward...if I had your issue, I might actually be okay...

You'll be just fine...trust me...the advice you have received in this thread is great advice from all....take what you need, throw away the rest...and please keep us posted!
 
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soulsista is offline soulsista Post #120  January 31,2012, 6:11pm
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legend29 wrote :
You are welcome for the advice though I do not know how useful my advice will be since I've never been in your situation...not since leaving my ex-husband, that is.

Men my age tend to have other issues that affect the relationship progressing forward...if I had your issue, I might actually be okay...

You'll be just fine...trust me...the advice you have received in this thread is great advice from all....take what you need, throw away the rest...and please keep us posted!
***Men my age tend to have other issues that affect the relationship progressing forward...if I had your issue, I might actually be okay..***


Can you please elaborate on that??

One thing i am certain of this man is he is very loyal and wouldn't cheat or stray. that is important to me.

so you would be ok if your guy was a pauper???
 
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