"friending" during a relationship


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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #11  January 24,2012, 7:10am
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lol...you haven't been friended, you've been ended, aka dumped. Unfortunately some people think it's easier on the person if they tell them "let's just be friends" when in reality it's worse, much worse. It's always better to sever ties, heal, get over it and move on than to keep seeing a person who dumped you and keep your emotional ties to them fresh. It creates a situation where you can't move on to a new and better, healthier relationship.

So, OP, stop fooling yourself about what this is. Stop talking or wasting another minute on this woman. I understand that you've invested a lot and still have feelings and it's scary to find yourself alone, but trust me when I say that when you look back at all this several months down the road, you'll wonder what in the world was wrong with you for putting up with all you did. Have courage, have some faith in a brighter future. Let's face it, the way she's treated you based on your past posts...you really can't do worse going forward.
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #12  January 24,2012, 9:14am
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bonzi wrote :
And, what does it mean when a woman says she needs to find herself?
It means she doesn't want a relationship with you. In no way does it mean she's not ready to date, just that she's not into you. It's just what an seriously immature woman does who is too spineless to be honest.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #13  January 24,2012, 9:30am
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Bonzi, your question sounds to me like you are now mourning the loss/death of your relationship. I can relate and feel for you.

You're trying to now figure out where it went wrong and what you did or should have done to have made it work?
 
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bonzi is offline bonzi Post #14  January 24,2012, 2:21pm
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my self esteem is low as sugguested. I tried to fight Ignys' knowledge. But I have lost who I am and how to care for myself. Kind-of-nice ugly truth...

Thank u jimmieh. Right down the pipe.

SteveME; Yes. Even though i got pissy w/you months ago, you seem to have the best read on me. That's good and thank you.

As far as couceling, not now. My thoughts make little sense right now as I'm seriously fogged.... Time and distraction has always been my buoy. And I have fought off many of my demons in my mind b/c of previous couceling. I am weak. Atleast I know it.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #15  January 24,2012, 4:10pm
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I've been where you're at and managed to bounce back - so if I can do it, no reason why you can't.
 
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bonzi is offline bonzi Post #16  January 24,2012, 5:31pm
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SteveME: I too have bounced back from a darker space. I will bounce, I will post, I will love again. Remember I've lost myself and how to care for me. Thats pretty clear.
 
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Christine_ is offline Christine_ Post #17  January 25,2012, 4:21pm
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Relationships often (usually) have a chemistry-driven infatuation period. In my experience, that usually lasts about 3-6 months. Once that levels out, the chemistry changes to something more attachment oriented, and the non-chemistry elements of compatibility become essential. That's when couples are at risk of realizing that they are just not into each other.

That's my interpretation of ending up in the friend zone during the relationship. Lots of relationships can start with intoxicating infatuation, but only a few make it beyond that.
 
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