softwarmbreeze is offline softwarmbreeze Post #1  January 23,2012, 11:21am
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Okay, Just need some support here. I will be as brief as possible. Which may be a little hard.

After I heard about the herpes history from the boyfriend everything calmed down. There was alcohol involved and I was a mess. Probably went postal for a few minutes. In any event, I got up the next morning and left, very early.I was moving into a new place and had to deal with that. I was kinda numb to all that had transpired the night before but had to move into my new place.

I moved in and the next day I went to work as usual. When I got there they explained to me that they were laying me off due to being "nurse heavy". And being the last one hired I was the first one to get the boot. That was on MLK day. I went back to my new place and just started to put stuff away. I was still reeling from what would be the new diagnosis of HSV2 but was managing. I continued to get things in my new home the way I wanted for my comfort.

The days were going by. Here I am, newly unemployed and a herpes carrier. I hadn't heard from the boyfriend for days. I went on my facebook page and there was his son who messaged me. He was pissed at me because I left early Sunday morning,due to the move.But he didn't know I left for those reasons. He chatted with me and gave me grief. Saying things like, "you were scary last night" and "you left dad,he didn't leave you". I explained that I was moving and had to get to my new place as my new landlords were waiting for me. Like I said, I hadn't heard from my boyfriend so I called him the next Friday afternoon/eve and told him I had been infected. He apologized all over the place...But said he was busy all weekend and made plans to meet this coming weekend. That was okay because there was a show he needed to be at. And legislation was in session which he is a lobbiest for. And of course I had to get my new home in order. I was a little upset but had so much going on. I realized that I have a lot of things at his place that I wanted to get and decided in my own mind that this is going to be the break-up visit at least the next trip which would of course be the last trip. So this is what is going on....We made plans to meet in a few days....I am HSV2 Positive..The son had given me grief and I think the boyfriend is going to give me my walking papers. I am running both relieved and at the same time scared of all of this. Need some advice and support please.

I am torn with these emotions but I just need a little help here. No job,new apartment,losing boyfriend. (I think)..Have to apply for unemployment.... And herpes queen.What more could possibly happen to me? Thoughts?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  January 23,2012, 12:55pm
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Hopefully you will have a frank calm discussion with the boyfriend. Chatting with his son on FB is inappropriate and drama not needed. You are in your new place. Now can apply for unemployment ans hope for a job soon.

Even though you seem absolutely sure he gave you this (although that is nearly impossible to test for) and deliberately , rather than out of ignorance etc....Perhaps now is not the time for even more stress and changes..... Good Luck
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #3  January 23,2012, 1:09pm
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I urge you to put things in perspective. Im assuming you were tested by blood as unless you were having an active outbreak thats the only way they could test you. Are you aware that when they test you by blood they cannot tell you where you were infected? Meaning that it may be that you were infected as child with a coldsore on the mouth from a kiss from grandma? Meaning, you may not have genital herpes.
As far as work goes, thats rough, but keep your chin up. Things will come around!
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  January 23,2012, 1:21pm
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I am sorry to see all the stuff you are going through .....

I think you should get your priorities right first. You come first and no one else should be able to make you feel worse/bad or be a burden to you.

Why do you still call him your boy friend and you seem to be afraid that he is dumping you .... You were so sure that you got it from him. As much as you might still have some sort of feelings for him, I am sure that you will end upo disliking him intensely ...Stop calling him your boyfriend, and for God's sake drop his son from your facebook friends and do not talk to him. Your relationship was with the guy and not his son.

Get your unemployment going, and consider getting maybe some sort of counselling or discussing it with people who has gone through the same thing ?

And start your job search right away ......

And then you can start putting your life back together ....You sound like a smart person, who had everything together, you can go through this. Just slow down a bit, start thinking calmly and you will see that things are not as bad as you think they are.

One question about herpes, will it affect your employability in your field ?

And please stop calling yourself Herpes Queen or any other names ....

Good luck !
 
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sweetnectar213 is offline sweetnectar213 Post #5  January 23,2012, 5:32pm
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I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you. I really hope you find a job as soon as possible and that you get all of the medical help you need to keep the herpes under control. I would personally dump this guy who knowingly gave you this disease. He is not the type of person you should be with. He lied for months about this disease and he should have told you he had it before you two were intimate. Good luck with everything. I wish nothing but the best for you.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  January 23,2012, 9:36pm
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EccentricAmbiguity wrote :
I urge you to put things in perspective. Im assuming you were tested by blood as unless you were having an active outbreak thats the only way they could test you. Are you aware that when they test you by blood they cannot tell you where you were infected? Meaning that it may be that you were infected as child with a coldsore on the mouth from a kiss from grandma? Meaning, you may not have genital herpes.
As far as work goes, thats rough, but keep your chin up. Things will come around!
Eccentric,
There is a lot of inaccurate information being passed back and forth. According to this article it is possible to tell via blood test which type of HSV a person has contracted 1 or 2. In addition, the PCR test can also tell the difference because it looks at the DNA of the virus.

It's not for us to convince her she doesn't know what she's talking about. However, there are two tests that can tell which type of HSV a person has.

For information, anyone can read the article I found on here: Herpes Tests. The paragraphs to which I am referring are entitled: Polymerase chain reaction (PCR) test, and Antibody tests (see last sentence in that paragraph).


OP,
I'm sorry you're so upset. I am concerned that you lost control at your ex-bf's house and that his son decided to discuss it with you. You need to tell him that the issue is between his father, and you should unfriend him.

I'm sorry that your place of employment has laid you off, but you should qualify for unemployment and immediately begin looking for another job.

I agree with the others who have suggested you obtain counseling. People here are going to give you moral support, but IMHO, you need to talk with a professional who can help you work through your emotions. You also need to make very sure you know all the medical facts about this situation. Only you know your medical history, and only you can ascertain with your doctor if, in fact, the tests you think were done routinely were actually done. As others have stated, it is going to be almost impossible to pinpoint the person who passed this to you.

You're very angry and certain he gave it to you, but it may very well be that you were infected previously. You may never have had an outbreak - many people don't. But you need to become educated about how you can mitigate outbreaks and minimize exposure should you decide to find another partner. It is not going to make you the pariah you think it will, but your attitude is going to be the largest determining factor in whether you ever become intimate again.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  January 24,2012, 2:34am
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There is a reaction based on the BFs news that he was having an outbreak, had it for years and did not inform you. ....
However, tests do not verify who you contracted it from or when, only that at some point there was exposure.

Accurate information may help you to deal with the situation rather than simply assume "he gave it to" you out of some malicious spite. Furthermore, many are misinformed, often believing it can only be spread during outbreaks, such as your BF, which is why he told you at that time.


Agree:
tink333 wrote :
I agree with the others who have suggested you obtain counseling. you need to talk with a professional who can help you work through your emotions. You also need to make very sure you know all the medical facts about this situation. Only you know your medical history, and only you can ascertain with your doctor if, in fact, the tests you think were done routinely were actually done. As others have stated, it is going to be almost impossible to pinpoint the person who passed this to you.
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #8  January 24,2012, 7:39am
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tink333 wrote :
Eccentric,
There is a lot of inaccurate information being passed back and forth. According to this article it is possible to tell via blood test which type of HSV a person has contracted 1 or 2. In addition, the PCR test can also tell the difference because it looks at the DNA of the virus.

It's not for us to convince her she doesn't know what she's talking about. However, there are two tests that can tell which type of HSV a person has.

For information, anyone can read the article I found on here: Herpes Tests. The paragraphs to which I am referring are entitled: Polymerase chain reaction (PCR) test, and Antibody tests (see last sentence in that paragraph).
.
Did you know you can have HSV1 or HSV2 in the form of cold sores either orally or genitaly? One is more likely to have HSV1 on the mouth and HSV2 genitally but techinically all a blood test does is show exposure to the virus but it does not show where the exposure happened.Meaning a blood test won't say you have HSV1 and you contracted it on the right corner of your mouth. HSV can also be contracted in tear ducts or other parts of the body. It only shows up most commonaly on the mouth or gentials because thats we are most likely to be having physical contact with someone and those are areas of the body where transmission through the skin is more sensitive.
There are so many misconceptions about this virus, but the biggest misconception is that it is a big deal. Because its really not, the vast majority of the population has HSV1 where cold sores are present at sometime or another most likely around the mouth and most people don't know they havie it and can pass it to others through oral sex. Hopefully the OP can come to terms with it.
Last edited by EccentricAmbiguity; January 24,2012 at 7:45am.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #9  January 24,2012, 10:47am
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Sorry! There is just something so familiar about your threads... right down to the bf's son...

They remind me of another member who posts here. Her user name is glittered (had to do a little digging to find it). She posted a thread entitled "He has herpes!"... or something like that. If you and she are not the same user, look her up. Perhaps the two of you can help support each other through this.

Good luck!
 
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softwarmbreeze is offline softwarmbreeze Post #10  January 24,2012, 11:48am
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Special-K wrote :
Sorry! There is just something so familiar about your threads... right down to the bf's son...

They remind me of another member who posts here. Her user name is glittered (had to do a little digging to find it). She posted a thread entitled "He has herpes!"... or something like that. If you and she are not the same user, look her up. Perhaps the two of you can help support each other through this.

Good luck!
Don't be sorry. Any one who is in my shoes I will be glad to talk to. Maybe they know something I don't..Thank you for this post
 
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