Opinions on long distance relationships


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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #11  January 24,2012, 3:00am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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uscftbll19 wrote :
The backstory is that I'm currently talking to someone who currently happens to live about 3 hours away from me and, going on my instincts, she has very serious potential (don't worry I've already learned a few lessons about jumping the gun, so I'm relaxing and letting this situation take its natural course).
The flaw in your logic here is that, if you have to think about it and intentionally take action (or inaction) to "relax and let this situation take its natural course" ...then it's not on a "natural course", it's on the course that you are dictating/manipulating.

uscftbll19 wrote :
What have you found that worked the best to keep things going?
Simple. One of you quits your job, says goodbye to all of your friends/relatives, picks up all of your worldly possessions ...and moves closer to the other.

This is where LDRs get tripped up ...because this is a serious commitment to be thinking about in a 'budding' relationship, but it is the most important issue you have on the table. If neither of you have any intention (or ability) of moving from where you are now ...what's the point?

uscftbll19 wrote :
Do you get feel that the long distance is flat out not worth it
This.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #12  January 24,2012, 4:19am
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ClaireH wrote :
To me, compromising who I want to be with because of a geographical distance does not make sense. Yet, I know this does not apply to everyone.

. We are certainly forced to slow down and communicate at a much deeper level as we know our communication is a lifeline. We both are extremely attracted to each other physically and could have totally missed this unique opportunity to make emotional and intellectual connection if we lived close. I think building "emotional closeness" is much more important than "physical closeness".

With today's technology, you can use webcam, talk, text or instant messaging - so take advantage of those tools :-) And enjoy the ride!
I absolutely agree. When you place geographical restrictions you miss out on some wonderful people. As mature adults we do not have to be joined at the hip. If you're willing to make the effort you spend more quality time together than those with their once a week 4 hr. dates. Just my opinion.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #13  January 24,2012, 6:25am
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What amuses me about these threads are the people who say, "well this one time I did it and it didn't work out, so NO don't ever do an LDR". That makes a lot of sense (insert dripping sarcasm here). How many local dates/relationships haven't worked out for you? Should just stop dating completely then because local doesn't work, distance doesn't work, what else is left? Dating on the moon? 'Cause that will guarantee success for sure, right? (more dripping sarcasm)

Anyway, OP, when choosing to date long distance or not there are some serious maturity and ability to move issues that have to be addressed before going forward. If either one of you is a needy, attached at the hip, insecure kind of a person, then distance won't work. If neither one of you realistically can or is willing to move, then the relationship is dead before it started. Overall, when distance is involved, you have to be ready to take a relationship to the next level in a fairly rapid progression. You can't drag out a distance relationship forever. Either you get to know each other, make a commitment to each other and one of you moves, or you realize this person is not right for you after all and end things. What you can't do is convenience dating, because it's comfortable, because there is nobody better out there at the moment and so you drag your feet. Distance takes that part out of the dating equation because there is nothing convenient about distance. You are doing the distance thing because you believe that this person is truly worth the effort and has enough potential that you don't want to pass them by over logistics.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #14  January 24,2012, 9:19am
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I've done the long distance relationship years ago. Approx 2 hours drive in terms of distance. So we'd see each other at weekends or when in summer time when off work. The downside was, we couldn't see each other during the week and as we could mostly only see each other at the weekends, I didn't have time at weekends to spend with friends/family.

It failed because after a few months she started talking about moving in with me and I made a decision that I didn't want to take on her and her children.

For me, now, I would not do it again. Too many hassles and because I can find people within non long distance ie. within 45 mins drive.


I had another relationship with someone who was slight long distance (ie. minimum 50minutes drive) and part of the risk I found was that it was ideal for someone who wished to cheat on me! So I would suggest the risk of having deceit inflicted was higher with a longer distance relationship.

I would only do a long distance liasion with someone if it was just for something casual.
 
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