Kick Rocks!

I'm getting a bit anxious and definitely pissed off at the fact that after 4 years in this relationship, my boyfriend wants to wait yet ANOTHER year! Okay, so this all started with information posted in a previous thread, "Mom & Dad" but has gotten way out of hand!

After we discussed getting married this year, my boyfriend wants to wait another year (I guess to spite his parents). So when I brought up the issue because, yes, it bothers me, he snapped and asked "what's 1 more year?" Okay, so another year and still no ring (not that I really care for a ring)!

Now, I know I'm going to sound "unreasonable" but I don't want to stay with someone and be referred to as a "wifey" or "live in girlfriend" which is the situation in which I've put myself in hoping it would only be temporary. His response to this is what if I'm his "live in fiance"... Seriously?

Although I did things a little differently, I do believe in the value of marriage. I don't want to just life with someone, I want to know that they would be willing to make a "sacrifice" as I have done for him.

I don't think I want to continue waiting. Since I'm moving to Virginia on active duty for 3 years next month, I think I'm going to use this time for myself. I think I've been "wifey" for too long. If I'm not good enough to drop that "y", he's not good enough to continue waiting around.

I know some or all part of this is going to bother a lot of people, including those who don't believe marriage is important or necessary. To those people, just don't respond! And yes, I'm being unreasonable to some extent but in a situation like this, do you put your values or your love first?

Lol! Thanks Ingy. Well, the "spite his parents" comment was just me venting. I don't know if that's really the case. It was just that the parent incident happened just a couple of weeks ago. Other than that, we had decided on April of this year. I later told him I preferred August and he was fine with it.

I tried having a conversation with him last night and he gets so frustrated and angry just talking about it that it kind of turned me off from the idea of marrying him for a while. But I don't want to be a live in girlfriend or a "wifey". I do believe I deserve someone who shares the same views on marriage as me, legal, financial, spiritual, physical, emotional.

As I'm not a materialistic person, I'm not all that crazy about spending thousands on a ring (i don't wear jewelry) my skin reacts to EVERYTHING! I have budgeted a certain amount for an intimate wedding (half saved up already). I'm agreeing to the fairytale wedding because in his defense, I've already been married. So his excuses were those, when I showed his the money I had saved up, he came up with I don't have enough for the ring??? Why would I want a ring that covers 5 mortgage payments in a jewelry box if I can't wear it? Since he have me excuses without merit, I told him I don't want to get married on an odd number year so he could see how dumb it was all sounding.

And Ingy, I think you misread my post, it's not 3 months, but 3 years. I'll be close enough that I can come home every weekend though. Plus the boys are staying in New Jersey because of school.

I really think I'm going to take some time to myself. If we can't seem to get around this (which is a pretty big deal) how would every other fight go? Giving up the goodies definitely didn't work in my favor :-) lol!

I think that's what it is. He probably didn't think we were going to make it this long and now he's having an OMG moment. Honestly, I don't say much when talking to him about it, last night at the tax office our friend, an accountant, said, "well Damek, she's leaving, you guys have to hurry up and tie the knot before she hits the road" it was a joke and we all laughed but he looked scared. Lol! So on the way down to Virginia, he had a mission and I had to look for apartments, I said "i don't know what the big deal is, I'm coming back on weekends, why can't these people just wait until August?" When he asked for what, I knew it was going to happen. I told him, "our wedding" and we tells me that with "everything"that's happened lately, he'd like to wait until August of NEXT year! Oh hell no! I didn't get an attitude or anything but in my mind I had pushed him out the car while it was moving on I95.. When I asked him his reasons, he gave me the excuses below.

Everyone I tell him I don't want to waste my time in a relationship where I'd be asked to compromise my values and outlook on life, he responds with, "so now you're wasting your time with me? Fine!" He knows what I mean but everytime, it comes up "wasting" whether it was meant for him or not, it's an issue.

I news a drink. It's after 12 so it's socially acceptable. Lol!