rebecca723 is offline rebecca723 Post #61  January 22,2012, 3:05pm
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Well, it seems like everyone and their uncle are throwing their 2 cents in here...sorry to be the 100th person to add mine!

To the OP: everyone here (and really, probably everyone everywhere) is going to have a different opinion about this. Some people here think what your husband did is more egregious than even you do, and some people seem to think it's more normal than even he does. But it doesn't seem like you came here to get people's "opinions."

You asked if what your husband did is really a "guy thing" or HIS thing. I think, unfortunately, the only answer is the one my boyfriend gave when I described you post to him, curious to get his opinion: "It's a 'guy thing'...for some guys." For the record, my boyfriend happened to think that getting a lap dance while married or in a relationship is "pretty not okay," and that getting one while your wife is pregnant is "really not okay." However, it's clear that there are some guys---and some women---on this thread who don't see a problem with it. And what matters here is that unfortunately, you husband is (or hopefully WAS!) one of those guys.

When your husband says it's a "guy thing," I think what he's really trying to convey is that he thought it was normal: i.e. he thought it was inoffensive and harmless, and he was not out to hurt you. I think that's the bottom-line for him.

Clearly, though, the bottom-line for you is that it DID hurt. And, ironically, hurt all the more precisely because he thought it wouldn't hurt you.

I don't know if this example will help you, but several years ago after my boyfriend and I had only been dating for about six months, we had a conversation wherein we found out that he considered a certain thing to be cheating and I didn't. He was really hurt by this, and it made him doubt my loyalty and wonder what ELSE I felt differently from him about. But he could not of have been more wrong. I am a different person than he is, and so I am inevitably going to have different opinions about things, but that doesn't mean I FEEL any differently about him than he does about me. I am completely devoted to him and because of that, I agreed to never do the thing we disagreed about............and lo and behold, a year or so later, I came to agree with him on that issue anyway I hope that you and your husband find a similar path.

RE: the pregnant body vs. stripper thing: You only have to worry about that if this was your husband's first lap dance. Unfortunately, I think that's probably not the case......the upside here though is that it's also almost definitely not about you, at all. I second the idea that he probably felt pressured by co-workers and other guys----and my boyfriend seconds that idea, too.
 
 
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