Marle is offline Marle Post #1  January 16,2012, 12:10pm
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ready for some sunshine. No, I'm not talking about the weather!

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I'm 43 and have been divorced for 1.5 year. Just started dating again in the last year. This pasta week I've had two lunch dates with a 38yo woman. She also got divorced around the same and has had one relationship since then.

We seemed to click from the start and feel very comfortable around each other and enjoyed long talks. Body language and compliments were positive from both sides. Nothing physical, other than a nice long hug before we parted. At the end of our second date she mentioned that she was planning to "close her profile" but she did not want me to think that this meant that she only wanted to date me. She also said that she wanted to take things slow... so, if I wanted something "more emotional" I should keep looking because she was not ready at the moment. She said that she wants to "go out" but not date (What the???). She almost seemed to be in distress and fumbling her way through this. I said that I was fine with taking things slow and did not have expectations after two dates. So, we are going to a movie this weekend.... I'm ready for a serious relationship and I don't want to waste time. I've been "served" the "I'm not into you..." experience before but this does not feel that way... Any sage advice is appreciated.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #2  January 16,2012, 12:18pm
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is happier than if it was a 'no boss Friday' going into a three-day weekend... :-)

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Marle wrote :
I'm 43 and have been divorced for 1.5 year. Just started dating again in the last year. This pasta week I've had two lunch dates with a 38yo woman. She also got divorced around the same and has had one relationship since then.

We seemed to click from the start and feel very comfortable around each other and enjoyed long talks. Body language and compliments were positive from both sides. Nothing physical, other than a nice long hug before we parted. At the end of our second date she mentioned that she was planning to "close her profile" but she did not want me to think that this meant that she only wanted to date me. She also said that she wanted to take things slow... so, if I wanted something "more emotional" I should keep looking because she was not ready at the moment. She said that she wants to "go out" but not date (What the???). She almost seemed to be in distress and fumbling her way through this. I said that I was fine with taking things slow and did not have expectations after two dates. So, we are going to a movie this weekend.... I'm ready for a serious relationship and I don't want to waste time. I've been "served" the "I'm not into you..." experience before but this does not feel that way... Any sage advice is appreciated.
She's not feeling *it* and has friend-zoned you.

Keep looking...
 
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LongLocks is offline LongLocks Post #3  January 16,2012, 12:32pm
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A woman who is into you would never make the comments that she did. Trust me, I know this. NEXT!
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #4  January 16,2012, 12:36pm
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She wants someone who will entertain her. "I want to see you but not date" suggests you could end up getting used.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #5  January 16,2012, 12:37pm
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Assuming your objective is serious relationship and a sexual relationship - I would recommend you save a lot of time, money and effort and delete her phone number.
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #6  January 16,2012, 1:53pm
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said what she meant; meant what she said.

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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
She wants someone who will entertain her. "I want to see you but not date" suggests you could end up getting used.
^^ This. Plan on splitting the bills for all the meals, movie tickets and event costs, because remember, you two are not dating.
 
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maffif is offline maffif Post #7  January 16,2012, 2:05pm
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Marle wrote :
I'm 43 and have been divorced for 1.5 year. Just started dating again in the last year. This pasta week I've had two lunch dates with a 38yo woman. She also got divorced around the same and has had one relationship since then.

We seemed to click from the start and feel very comfortable around each other and enjoyed long talks. Body language and compliments were positive from both sides. Nothing physical, other than a nice long hug before we parted. At the end of our second date she mentioned that she was planning to "close her profile" but she did not want me to think that this meant that she only wanted to date me. She also said that she wanted to take things slow... so, if I wanted something "more emotional" I should keep looking because she was not ready at the moment. She said that she wants to "go out" but not date (What the???). She almost seemed to be in distress and fumbling her way through this. I said that I was fine with taking things slow and did not have expectations after two dates. So, we are going to a movie this weekend.... I'm ready for a serious relationship and I don't want to waste time. I've been "served" the "I'm not into you..." experience before but this does not feel that way... Any sage advice is appreciated.
Agree, mixed signals... taking down her profile, but just wanting to go out and not date. Ok dokey! She has told you she isn't ready right now. I wouldn't date her in hopes of her coming around or becoming ready. It doesn't work that way.... BTDT

I am your age as well and dated someone who wasn't ready. Had a wonderful time, he was a great guy and we had a great connection. I hung around way too long hoping (won't do that again, live and learn!) he would be ready... didn't happen.

Really sounds like she wants someone to go out with and have fun with, but not a relationship. You know what you want, I would move on.
Last edited by maffif; January 16,2012 at 2:09pm.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #8  January 16,2012, 2:36pm
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Yep...this means.."I'm just not that into you"...but she will be happy to have you pay for any dinner or movies if you choose. And she will fit you in between other men that she is possibly interested in as well.

Not even 'friend' zoned as it's not about friendship...It's about having someone entertain her when she is bored...

Next!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  January 16,2012, 2:59pm
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In a nutshell she is not that into you.

The long answer is that no person in their right mind who is truly into you will ever tell you that they want to take things slow, you should date others, they are still dating others, they are wounded and need healing, they are not ready to date, etc. Never, not in a million years. Even if they do have some personal issues to settle, they'll deal with them privately and quietly because the last thing in the world they want to do is lose you to someone else.

I want to go out with you but I don't want to date simply means please entertain me when I'm bored while I give you nothing in return. If you've been warned and still accepted the terms of the going out she dictated, she doesn't have to feel guilty about using you in any way she wants. Also, you can never accuse her of leading you on because, hey, she did tell you not to get attached so if you did, that's your problem.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #10  January 16,2012, 3:14pm
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I'm curious and wish you had asked her why she had decided to 'take her profile down' if she didn't intend to have a relationship with you.

I suspect her answer unless she evades giving it you, will be enlightening.

Actually evading answering might help you draw your own estimates about her.

I wonder if she's as mentioned above, a "walking wounded" type - ie. still holding a candle for someone. I think that's more likely than her having met someone.

Whatever the reason.... I would pick someone else. Someone who sounds keener.
 
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