softwarmbreeze is offline softwarmbreeze Post #1  January 15,2012, 11:53am
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Hi, I haven't been here for a while because my love life has been pretty great...Until last night. my boyfriend and I got into bed after all of our company left and started getting all romantic and he suddenly announced he was having a herpes outbreak!!!!! That he got infected 30 years ago. I freaked out and he said that he hadn't had an outbreak in years!!!!! And that I shouldn't be worried. I hate to sound totally stupid but if he is having an outbreak aren't I at risk!!?? He says that I am okay...But now I am wondering if I could of contracted it when he wasn't having an outbreak..I don't mean to sound dumb but I am totally floored by all of this and wonder what I should do besides get tested. He is the only man I have dealt with sexually for the last 3 years. My heart is broken and I am scared... Do I stay with him because he may of infected me or what. I know I probably sound like a crazy lady but I just need some advice,reassurance or something to make me feel better about this. I left his house this morning and haven't heard a thing from him today which is not unusual but I need the elders here to help me. We are an older couple 50-60...
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  January 15,2012, 12:00pm
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You have been with him three years?....Didn't he already mention he has this a wile back?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  January 15,2012, 12:01pm
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Although you can fault yourself for not having a conversation with clear answers about STD status before becoming intimate, you can (and should) go for some competant advice on your health now, and risks if you continue.

From my perspective, your partner hid a material fact that any sensible person understands to be significant. I see that as a deal-breaker.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  January 15,2012, 12:16pm
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softwarmbreeze wrote :
Hi, I haven't been here for a while because my love life has been pretty great...Until last night. my boyfriend and I got into bed after all of our company left and started getting all romantic and he suddenly announced he was having a herpes outbreak!!!!! That he got infected 30 years ago. I freaked out and he said that he hadn't had an outbreak in years!!!!! And that I shouldn't be worried. I hate to sound totally stupid but if he is having an outbreak aren't I at risk!!?? He says that I am okay...But now I am wondering if I could of contracted it when he wasn't having an outbreak..I don't mean to sound dumb but I am totally floored by all of this and wonder what I should do besides get tested. He is the only man I have dealt with sexually for the last 3 years. My heart is broken and I am scared... Do I stay with him because he may of infected me or what. I know I probably sound like a crazy lady but I just need some advice,reassurance or something to make me feel better about this. I left his house this morning and haven't heard a thing from him today which is not unusual but I need the elders here to help me. We are an older couple 50-60...
You're at risk whether he is having an outbreak or not.
So now that the proverbial cat is outta the bag you should get tested and start using appropriate protection(if you haven't already)
And yeah, he should have told you a loooooog time ago.


The Updated Herpes Handbook
Last edited by TheThinker; January 15,2012 at 12:20pm.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #5  January 15,2012, 12:21pm
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If he didn't tell you about this before getting involved, that's a big negative deal and would be a deal-breaker for me as well.

I would not discount getting involved with someone who has herpes - a significant portion of the population has the infection - but I do expect to be informed up front so that I can make intelligent choices for myself. All exposure is a matter of calculated risk - and luck, to some degree.

You certainly can become infected when he isn't in active outbreak, though the chances are much lower than when an outbreak is present. There is some good information to start with here:

STD Facts - Genital Herpes

Good luck.
 
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softwarmbreeze is offline softwarmbreeze Post #6  January 15,2012, 12:26pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
You have been with him three years?....Didn't he already mention he has this a wile back?
No and no...I thought this guy Was "the one"
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  January 15,2012, 12:35pm
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How long have you been active with this one? Have you been tested before for any STDs?
 
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softwarmbreeze is offline softwarmbreeze Post #8  January 15,2012, 12:44pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
How long have you been active with this one? Have you been tested before for any STDs?
I have been seeing him 5 months..Life was sooo good and now this!!! Just makes me a little sad.. and sorry that he felt he couldn't trust me..Now I feel like a loser
 
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softwarmbreeze is offline softwarmbreeze Post #9  January 15,2012, 12:46pm
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I don't think I will be contacting him again
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  January 15,2012, 12:52pm
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Why?

He lets you get attached with something that amounts to deceipt, then hides his problem until he can hide it no longer.

Quite frankly, it is not "a loser" you should feel, but rage.
 
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