LDJ is offline LDJ Post #1  December 11,2011, 5:36pm
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How typical do you think it is for a person to stay in a relationship that they have decided is not good enough for the long term, but is better than nothing. Is it is human nature to settle for the time being and avoid being alone until something better comes along, or is it more typical to end a mediocre relationship and seek a more compatible match? Does it take a extraordinary noble consciousness to end a so/so relationship, accept being alone, until the next opportunity comes along?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  December 11,2011, 5:39pm
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My thought is that most people have stayed in such a relationship.

That said, it's not a bad choice, since there is evidence that simply waiting out a bad period is an attribute of enduring relationships.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #3  December 11,2011, 5:56pm
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D_Lion wrote :
My thought is that most people have stayed in such a relationship.

That said, it's not a bad choice, since there is evidence that simply waiting out a bad period is an attribute of enduring relationships.
Really? YUK, now that I'm all grown up, bad periods are aired, discussed and resolved, rather than waited out.

My question is more from the perspective of a guy, like you D_L, deciding, "no, she's not the one."
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #4  December 11,2011, 5:58pm
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LDJ wrote :
How typical do you think it is for a person to stay in a relationship that they have decided is not good enough for the long term, but is better than nothing.
Like D_Lion says, I think most people have experienced this.

wrote :
Is it is human nature to settle for the time being and avoid being alone until something better comes along, or is it more typical to end a mediocre relationship and seek a more compatible match?
I'll get to the human nature part a bit later on ...

It is healthier for you (general you here) in the long run to end such relationships. The longer you stay in one, the more of a pattern you establish for yourself, and the greater your tolerance for unhappiness becomes.

wrote :
Does it take a extraordinary noble consciousness to end a so/so relationship, accept being alone, until the next opportunity comes along?
Certainly it does not take extraordinary noble consciousness, but it does take a certain amount of self-awareness. And exercising your independence, which can be scary to some as being alone is contrary to the natural human condition -- it is why we are driven to "pair bond".

ETA: Forgot to add this bit first time round...

Some people will stay because the sex is awesome. Or also that they don't know any better and all their relationships suck because they are seriously damaged.
Last edited by insertscreenname; December 11,2011 at 6:03pm.
 
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Christine_ is offline Christine_ Post #5  December 11,2011, 6:13pm
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I like to think that most people are good, and would not deliberately stay in a relationship when they know they intend to leave. Call me naive

For me, the more likely scenario is that I have serious doubts, but I'm questioning whether I'm just bailing out of the relationship rather than sticking with it and working through the rough spots. I suspect many others are in the same situation.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #6  December 11,2011, 7:09pm
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I have had several relationships back in the day that I called "place holder" relationships. I did not keep them for more than three months at a time though.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  December 11,2011, 7:46pm
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LDJ wrote :
How typical do you think it is for a person to stay in a relationship that they have decided is not good enough for the long term, but is better than nothing. Is it is human nature to settle for the time being and avoid being alone until something better comes along, or is it more typical to end a mediocre relationship and seek a more compatible match? Does it take a extraordinary noble consciousness to end a so/so relationship, accept being alone, until the next opportunity comes along?
i dont think that people do this maliciously. i believe that most men and women that are sincere about finding a serious relationship dont want to waste time with someone they *really* arent interested in.

i think a lot of it depends on how old the relationship is and how it started to be able to try to guess whether or not one party will stay to avoid discomfort of some kind.
 
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parakeetjordan is offline parakeetjordan Post #8  December 11,2011, 7:47pm
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Christine_ wrote :
I like to think that most people are good, and would not deliberately stay in a relationship when they know they intend to leave. Call me naive

For me, the more likely scenario is that I have serious doubts, but I'm questioning whether I'm just bailing out of the relationship rather than sticking with it and working through the rough spots. I suspect many others are in the same situation.
Agree!
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #9  December 11,2011, 8:24pm
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LDJ wrote :
Really? YUK, now that I'm all grown up, bad periods are aired, discussed and resolved, rather than waited out.
Yikes! I prefer when my dates keep their periods covered up and don't discuss them in great detail. eH is for all types, I suppose.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #10  December 11,2011, 8:51pm
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I'm not sure why it would be considered anti-"good" to stay in a relationship that you knew wouldn't work out in the long run, but okay.
 
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