advice - think I know the answer tho...

Yeah, it makes sense. He wants her back. She needs to demonstrate that it's not going to happen. If she can't then it's time for you to move on.

Ex's boyfriend - who did multiple nasty things to her, including going off to a tournement while she was hospitilized for major surgery, keeps coming back into her life. He did a ton of crappy things to her - and even tho its awkward for me, I listen to her when she vents about it from time to time. She lost a close family member recently and he called to give condolences. I have no problem with that - but since then (about 2 weeks ago) they have talked on the phone a few timesa and texted a few times. I am of the opinion that although the call for condolences was appropriate, the other calls/texts aren't. She keeps telling me how he hurt her and how she wants to heal - I suggested for her to stop talking to him as he is just opening old wounds. I told her that I am uncomfortable that they are starting to talk text again. She tells me that its so they can talk over issues that they had while they were together (3 years). They broke up and made up various times and haven't been together for about 5 months before I met her. Am I wrong/out of line to ask her to stop talking to him? He opens up wounds that are healing... I told her that its my impression that he is trying to get her back - proof given in that he asked her if she would take him back if he "hypothetically" asked her to. She claims she said "no". Anyways I asked her again to move forward vs backwards and told her the only way to heal is to cease contact with him - she said she wasn't sure that she wanted/can... Am I out of line? I want to be with her as she has marriage potential (down the line of course) but I am not going to stand by and let some old flame try to rekindle their romance... I don't want to be hurt and wondering if its time to bail - not because I want to but because I am seeing red flags in her talking to him and seemingly not care about my concerns raised by them talking... Hope this made sense...

Re-read the parts in bold. She is still very much stuck on him. Right now, you are just the nice guy to lean on while she sorts out her life and either returns to him or finally moves on. At the moment, you really don't even have a relationship with her because she is still fully stuck in her own drama with the other guy. Whether you want to hang around longer and wait and see how this plays out or want to move on is really your call.

Ok - have posted stuff before hand on this site and have been able to get some sound advice and statements from others that have caused me to look deeply at myself and change - so here I am again...

Situation - I met gal about 3 or 4 months ago and everything has been beyond fantastic. We both thoroughly enjoy each other's company and have a blast around each other. It has become fairly serious between us but an ugly head keeps poping up nad need no BS advice as to handle it...

Ex's boyfriend - who did multiple nasty things to her, including going off to a tournement while she was hospitilized for major surgery, keeps coming back into her life. He did a ton of crappy things to her - and even tho its awkward for me, I listen to her when she vents about it from time to time. She lost a close family member recently and he called to give condolences. I have no problem with that - but since then (about 2 weeks ago) they have talked on the phone a few timesa and texted a few times. I am of the opinion that although the call for condolences was appropriate, the other calls/texts aren't. She keeps telling me how he hurt her and how she wants to heal - I suggested for her to stop talking to him as he is just opening old wounds. I told her that I am uncomfortable that they are starting to talk text again. She tells me that its so they can talk over issues that they had while they were together (3 years). They broke up and made up various times and haven't been together for about 5 months before I met her. Am I wrong/out of line to ask her to stop talking to him? He opens up wounds that are healing... I told her that its my impression that he is trying to get her back - proof given in that he asked her if she would take him back if he "hypothetically" asked her to. She claims she said "no". Anyways I asked her again to move forward vs backwards and told her the only way to heal is to cease contact with him - she said she wasn't sure that she wanted/can... Am I out of line? I want to be with her as she has marriage potential (down the line of course) but I am not going to stand by and let some old flame try to rekindle their romance... I don't want to be hurt and wondering if its time to bail - not because I want to but because I am seeing red flags in her talking to him and seemingly not care about my concerns raised by them talking... Hope this made sense...

So its starting to be a consensus as to move on... We talked on the phone a bit since I posted a lil while ago, and I slipped out the "him or me" line - kicked myself as soon as it came out - and her response was she needed to think about it... not good in my opinion...