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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #11  October 28,2011, 9:03am
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What lies people happen to discover are usually the tip of the iceberg. The behavior will continue.....next could be who he's chatting with on line "because he couldn't sleep"...or browsing dating sites "out of curiosity"... do you see this?...

Mr. bad boy see-what-he-can-get-away-with is the problem..... much like a child...which it sounds like you are dealing with here.
.
This co-worker, her age, any real threat. etc...
.. is not the issue here.... it is his lying, disrespecting you , seeing how far he can push the envelope or your buttons.


This is a very good point..not once but twice:
FairOne wrote :
I'm afraid that nothing has changed from when you first broke up. You have no reason to believe he has spoken to her about not calling anymore, and if anything you are getting more and more evidence that their relationship was not as one sided as he led you to believe. He may be a good guy in a lot of ways, but if you can't trust him to tell you the truth, and you can't, is it worth it?
 
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Luxamanti is offline Luxamanti Post #12  October 28,2011, 2:06pm
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oh dear,.. here are my thoughts

1) I may think he has severe insecurities. He may be need constant attention, reassurance at home and at the workplace. How does he perform at work in general?

2) While I think it may acceptable to show/receive interest from the other gender, even if you are in a relationship, I do find his behaviour excessive, even after you clearly showed him that he needs to change.

3) In case this is a severe character flaw, he will not change and you may be wasting lot of time, energy and emotions when you stay around him. Moreover, you would allow that this affects your self-esteem and it may take a lot of time/effort to be able to trust again in a future relationships.

Lux
 
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PumkinPie is offline PumkinPie Post #13  October 28,2011, 2:10pm
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Thanks everyone for your honest replies. I appreciate them. To be honest, I was hoping to hear that maybe I was overreacting. As far as I'm aware, and I think I would know, he doesn't go out with her at all on a social level. I have met a couple of his co-workers and have been out for drinks with them. He actually invited me to join him at this group function she was contacting him about - AFTER I found out about it of course. However, I ended up having another engagement for tonight and apparently the group thing was cancelled. I know that he's regretful about lying and is understanding that I need complete transparency at this point. I agree with many of you who commented on her text responses concerning me. There is clearly something not right with that. Well, wish me luck. Thanks again for your input! Gives me a lot to think about.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #14  October 28,2011, 3:01pm
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Wow, this sounds so totally crazy to me. He is lying because you've got his freedom in a vice. There is nothing to say he is unable to stop her behaviour, I'm sure he could if HE was motivated to do so. But he's not, because it is meaningless, silly fun. I say lighten up, he sounds like a good guy and you clearly are his girl.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #15  October 28,2011, 7:41pm
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DancingFool wrote :
Why do you feel so threatened by a woman who is old enough to be his mother????
The other woman's age has nothing to do with this. My ex married a woman old enough to be his mother as soon as our divorce was final.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #16  October 28,2011, 10:55pm
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singinggirl wrote :
The other woman's age has nothing to do with this. My ex married a woman old enough to be his mother as soon as our divorce was final.
I agree. The age difference doesn't matter. I just attended the wedding reception last weekend for a couple with a 22 year age difference.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #17  October 31,2011, 12:51pm
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I've never dated someone 20 years younger, but close...assuming his representation of her age is correct.
 
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