Lybrah75 is offline Lybrah75 Post #1  October 26,2011, 2:20pm
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I was romantically interested in this one guy in my bible study group. I made one comment on something he posted and he blocked me on the internet. He won't speak to me or look at me. I have not obsessively called him (at all) and I don't know where he lives. However, he claimed I was borderline stalking him. I see him around at church and almost cry every week. I liked him so much! I feel badly mistreated, but the guy does not even want to be friends. It hurts to be around him, see his posts on Facebook, or hear people talk about him. I have tried to talk to him but he does not care about my feelings. I wrote him an e-mail telling him my feelings and it hurt him because I questioned his religion. He said it will take a long time for the "sting" of my words to wear off. I feel really hurt and depressed about this. Any advice?
 
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Faraday is offline Faraday Post #2  October 26,2011, 2:42pm
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Lybrah75 wrote :
I was romantically interested in this one guy in my bible study group. I made one comment on something he posted and he blocked me on the internet. He won't speak to me or look at me. I have not obsessively called him (at all) and I don't know where he lives. However, he claimed I was borderline stalking him. I see him around at church and almost cry every week. I liked him so much! I feel badly mistreated, but the guy does not even want to be friends. It hurts to be around him, see his posts on Facebook, or hear people talk about him. I have tried to talk to him but he does not care about my feelings. I wrote him an e-mail telling him my feelings and it hurt him because I questioned his religion. He said it will take a long time for the "sting" of my words to wear off. I feel really hurt and depressed about this. Any advice?
He sounds really immature.

It's hard...but I think once people have their minds made up...it takes a lot to change them.

I'm wondering if he knew that you liked him and didn't return your affection so he made up some bogus excuse to not have to deal with it. Often times a situation like this isn't about the actual situation...but some kind of diversion...how old are you? If you're younger than early twenties...it's my guess that this has nothing to do with you questioning him and more to do with him not knowing how to deal with you liking him.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #3  October 26,2011, 2:57pm
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Lybrah75 wrote :
I was romantically interested in this one guy in my bible study group. I made one comment on something he posted and he blocked me on the internet. He won't speak to me or look at me. I have not obsessively called him (at all) and I don't know where he lives. However, he claimed I was borderline stalking him. I see him around at church and almost cry every week. I liked him so much! I feel badly mistreated, but the guy does not even want to be friends. It hurts to be around him, see his posts on Facebook, or hear people talk about him. I have tried to talk to him but he does not care about my feelings. I wrote him an e-mail telling him my feelings and it hurt him because I questioned his religion. He said it will take a long time for the "sting" of my words to wear off. I feel really hurt and depressed about this. Any advice?
Go back and read the parts I bolded in your post and ask yourself what you like about this guy... the answer should be obvious.
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #4  October 26,2011, 3:03pm

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I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds very painful.

This may be difficult to hear, but I think you need to let this guy go and put some space between the two of you. I know it probably feels like there's a gigantic, yawning chasm between you now, but he does not appear to feel the same. For whatever reason, he seems to feel quite boxed in, at least from what you've posted about his reactions. There may be something going on with him or something from a past relationship that is making him feel this way, but there is a chance it is because of things you have said or done. Does he know that you almost cry over him every week? Do other people know this is happening and why? Is it possible information is getting back to him about this? If so, it is probably making him extremely uncomfortable, especially if he does not share your feelings of interest. That doesn't mean your tears are wrong or that his response is reasonable, but I do think you need to find someone to talk to to help you work through these emotions. You are putting yourself through the wringer almost every week and nobody can sustain that amount of emotional upheaval for very long and stay healthy, be it mentally, emotionally, physically, or even spiritually.

I'm not sure what to say about the email you sent him, but from the sound of it, it seems like it was a fairly bad idea. I don't know what the email said, but it's clear that he did not like it. Did you have any indication that he might respond positively when you sent it? Were you angry when you wrote it? The fact that you questioned his religion/faith probably did not help. Did you have a specific reason for asking? He may have felt unfairly judged. Most people don't take kindly to that sort of thing, even if there are legitimate reasons for inquiring. If you are not a close friend and/or someone he trusts, he may not be willing to listen to questions or comments about the nature/depth/reality, etc of his faith. I don't think he has responded maturely to any of this, but then again, I don't know the content of the email or any of his relationship history and how it might be affecting him in the current situation, therefore I don't want to judge him too harshly.

Getting back to the point I made above about things you may share with others getting back to him, I think you may want pay close attention to what/how much you share and with whom. Some people, under the guise of friendship, can actually be conduits for all kinds of gossip. I mention it because I've been in similar situations twice and found out that people I trusted with all kinds of information were sharing it with the objects of my interest (once in high school and once at bible school) and taking a rather perverse and malicious delight in seeing all my hopes crumble at my feet. Lesson learned. Be careful who you talk to and how much you share. Just be aware if someone you are talking to seems to all of a sudden be talking to him all the time or if they come to you saying that he said this or that unflattering thing about you. I don't want to plant unnecessary suspicions in your head, but if you really don't talk to him that much or have much of a personal connection with him, this is something to think about and be aware of.

If everything you have tried has only served to push him away, let him go. Don't make a big deal about it, just give him space and live your life. Find things to do to take your mind off him and all the pain your feeling. Spend time with friends who have your best interests at heart. Maybe make a list of all the things you are grateful for in your life, rather than thinking about how much it hurts to see him or hear about him. Focus on the bible study, not him. Keep doing positive things and don't get dragged into a downward emotional spiral over this guy. I've been there and it's not worth it. Liking someone shouldn't cause you this much pain and emotional trauma.
Last edited by lindseyk; October 26,2011 at 3:09pm.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #5  October 26,2011, 3:23pm
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Lybrah75 wrote :
I was romantically interested in this one guy in my bible study group. I made one comment on something he posted and he blocked me on the internet. He won't speak to me or look at me. I have not obsessively called him (at all) and I don't know where he lives. However, he claimed I was borderline stalking him. I see him around at church and almost cry every week. I liked him so much! I feel badly mistreated, but the guy does not even want to be friends. It hurts to be around him, see his posts on Facebook, or hear people talk about him. I have tried to talk to him but he does not care about my feelings. I wrote him an e-mail telling him my feelings and it hurt him because I questioned his religion. He said it will take a long time for the "sting" of my words to wear off. I feel really hurt and depressed about this. Any advice?
Was the comment you made a sarcastic joke that he may have taken the wrong way?

I just feel like there has to be more to the story here for him to use such strong language as 'borderline stalking' him...

You also say you sent him an email telling him 'your feelings' and also questioned his religion...What did you express in this email? Did you express things like telling him you liked him? I could see where this would be off putting to someone who you don't know very well.

You also say that you've 'tried' to talk to him....what does this mean?

If you are able to send him emails or see his FB page...how are you blocked on the internet? Or did all those things happen before hand..

This means you have put all this emotion towards this man with whom you don't even share a friendship...So it's been about what you 'want' the situation to be, and not the reality. You have unfortunately built this up so much that it's all come crashing down.

It sounds like he has expressed to you his wishes which is to be left alone and he does not have the same feelings as you. You need to respect this or it will be borderline stalking.

I agree that you sound like you need to find someone to talk to...perhaps even a professional about this would be best. It's not a usual thing for someone to be crying all the time over someone that you aren't even dating. This way, they can help you sort through your emotions and put them all in perspective...

I do wish you well..
Last edited by Ingytravel; October 26,2011 at 4:59pm.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #6  October 26,2011, 4:08pm
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You cannot make people like you who don't like you. Yes, it stinks, but life is tough sometimes.

If it bothers you to read his FB posts then unfriend him, that one is easy.

People rarely feel stalked if they are not stalked. Do you go out of your way to be around him, if so then it makes sense that he feels this way. But, no matter what happened between you two in the past it seems he has made if very clear he does not wish to spend time with you. You need to respect that and get on with your life.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  October 26,2011, 5:34pm
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Faraday wrote :
She sounds really immature.

Yes, that's it.

***

To the OP,

It sounds like there has been no romantic activity occuring between you and this person?

Thus, no "feelings" are warranted.

He seems unreasonably mean-spirited, but - since there is no underlying foundation from which feelings may be built - you don't seen to have any future here.

I think it best to move on.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #8  October 26,2011, 6:17pm
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Faraday wrote :
He sounds really immature.

It's hard...but I think once people have their minds made up...it takes a lot to change them.

I'm wondering if he knew that you liked him and didn't return your affection so he made up some bogus excuse to not have to deal with it. Often times a situation like this isn't about the actual situation...but some kind of diversion...how old are you? If you're younger than early twenties...it's my guess that this has nothing to do with you questioning him and more to do with him not knowing how to deal with you liking him.

Funny how one can just picture how different the response would be if it were a guy saying the same things about a girl

He sounds really immature.
She's just not that into you.

It's hard...but I think once people have their minds made up...it takes a lot to change them.
Grow up and leave her alone

I'm wondering if he knew that you liked him and didn't return your affection so he made up some bogus excuse to not have to deal with it. Leave her alone Often times a situation like this isn't about the actual situation...but some kind of diversion...how old are you? Grow up.If you're younger than early twenties...it's my guess that this has nothing to do with you questioning him and more to do with him not knowing how to deal with you liking him Grow up and leave her alone.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #9  October 27,2011, 2:45am
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Faraday wrote :
He sounds really immature.
D_Lion wrote :
He seems unreasonably mean-spirited
I have a feeling that there is way more to this than is being shared - it seems as though we are only getting one-half of one side of story here - so I would be very reluctant to make any snap judgments regarding the propriety of this guy's actions.

His reaction to "one comment" seems extreme and doesn't really follow 'normal human behavior' for someone who, by the OP's own admission, has to see and interact with her every week. Most people would attempt to defuse the situation, not interject a clearly negative and uncomfortable situation.

I don't suppose it really matters how we get there, the obvious solution is for the OP to let this go, accept what has happened, stop trying to 'fix' the situation, and move on with her life.
 
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Faraday is offline Faraday Post #10  October 27,2011, 5:58am
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Sometimes when I was new...the advice was sometimes harsh on here It's even harder to hear harsh things when you're young.

I remember what it was like. Wouldn't go back for anything

So my advice was just for her. Because sometimes when your heart is broken you just want to hear that he's a jerkface and that you should find someone better.

Doesn't mean it's right...but sometimes it's what you need. I was just following my intuition.

Sorry for offending you gentlemen so much.. It was not my intention.
 
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