Why does his Ex want to "reconnect"?


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USCPharmD is offline USCPharmD Post #1  October 25,2011, 2:23pm
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My fiance shared with me an email he just received from his ex-girlfriend (and the response he sent her) where she states she would like to "reconnect our friendship". Their relationship did NOT end amicably 3 years ago, she got engaged 3 months later and eventually got married, he was very emotionally affected, and they have not communicated since the break-up.

My question is: What would motivate her to reach out to him now?
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #2  October 25,2011, 2:31pm
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There are numerous reasons. We could speculate endlessly, but that's not relevant. The more important questions are--What was your boyfriend's reaction, and what would he like to do?
Last edited by emma_hazards; October 25,2011 at 2:36pm.
 
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USCPharmD is offline USCPharmD Post #3  October 25,2011, 2:44pm
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emma_hazards wrote :
There are numerous reasons. We could speculate endlessly, but that's not relevant. The more important question is...What was your boyfriend's reaction, and what would he like to do?
I get the impression that it gives him a sense of vindication and perhaps brought some sort of closure. He replied that he appreciated her reaching out, but asked her to accept his decision to not carry on a dialogue past this email to respect boundaries for the sake of her husband and his fiancee (me) and to maintain the security in their respective relationships. I am glad that he is completely transparent with me and trust him fully. It's just a curious thing that she would be doing this now when he's newly engaged.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #4  October 25,2011, 2:47pm
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Darn website!! Duplicate...
Last edited by Ingytravel; October 25,2011 at 2:50pm.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #5  October 25,2011, 2:49pm
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emma_hazards wrote :
There are numerous reasons. We could speculate endlessly, but that's not relevant. The more important questions are--What was your boyfriend's reaction, and what would he like to do?
Ding, ding...correct answer

This is just one of those things that can't possibly be answered by a message board of strangers...

You say he showed you his response to her...what was it?

I can't see wanting to or trying to connect after 3 years...The way she says 'reconnect' our friendship...makes it sound like there was one after they broke up...

It sounds like your boyfriend came to you immediately after this occurred and is not trying to hide anything so that is a great sign right there.

I'm friends with all my ex's...but that friendship started a few months after our break up and I am friends with their wives and kids as well.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #6  October 25,2011, 2:58pm
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USCPharmD wrote :
I get the impression that it gives him a sense of vindication and perhaps brought some sort of closure. He replied that he appreciated her reaching out, but asked her to accept his decision to not carry on a dialogue past this email to respect boundaries for the sake of her husband and his fiancee (me) and to maintain the security in their respective relationships. I am glad that he is completely transparent with me and trust him fully. It's just a curious thing that she would be doing this now when he's newly engaged.
The possibilities are many, as emma_hazzard mentions.

-Maybe she's unhappy in her marriage and is looking to cheat (let's face it... this one probably crossed your mind).

- Maybe she's gotten (or is getting) a divorce with her husband and having forgotten the bad in her relationship with your fiance, now wants to see if she can get him back somehow (this one probably crossed your mind too )

- Maybe she thinks now that they've both clearly moved on... her being married, him being engaged... a friendship can be established based on their similar interests or something.

- Maybe she's remorseful about how she treated him during the breakup and wants to make it up somehow.

- Maybe she's started a new business and is actually masking her true intention of landing a customer by pretending that her interest is in friendship.

Those are just a few off the top of my head, and there's probably many many more, and I'd venture a guess none is more likely than the other... And none of it truly matters, because at the end of the day, the way your fiance handled it was quite brilliant.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #7  October 25,2011, 3:10pm
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USCPharmD wrote :
I get the impression that it gives him a sense of vindication and perhaps brought some sort of closure. He replied that he appreciated her reaching out, but asked her to accept his decision to not carry on a dialogue past this email to respect boundaries for the sake of her husband and his fiancee (me) and to maintain the security in their respective relationships. I am glad that he is completely transparent with me and trust him fully. It's just a curious thing that she would be doing this now when he's newly engaged.
If they hadn't spoken in 3 years...why do you think she knows about him being engaged?

I think he handled it extremely well and you couldn't ask for a better answer for him to write. As well as him sharing all of this with you...

I would just be thankful you have a great and honest guy and let it go...why try to figure out her reasons?

I mean...if you trust him 100%.....that is all that matters....So this woman...or any woman in the future could flirt, or want to date or sleep with him...and you need to believe he will say no.

Temptation is never gone from one's life...it's all in how we handle it. Your guy seems like a keeper
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  October 26,2011, 5:18am
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This has nothing to do with you or him...she's had a rough patch in her marriage and wants a shoulder to cry on / cheat whatever, and she's sending out feelers to exes to see who's game.
That he is engaged now is probably coincidental..... unless he told her or she hear it from somewhere.

Odd that he would bother with this or show it to you.He could have deleted / ignored / blocked her email if he really wanted no contact / had no need to reach out / reply. It takes two to "communicate". Now he has created doubt by letting you know she's lurking around. I would question his motives...hers are obvious...Good Luck..
USCPharmD wrote :
My fiance shared with me an email he just received from his ex-girlfriend where she states she would like to "reconnect our friendship". Their relationship did NOT end amicably 3 years ago, she got engaged 3 months later and eventually got married, What would motivate her to reach out to him now?
USCPharmD wrote :
He replied that he appreciated her reaching out, but asked her to accept his decision to not carry on a dialogue past this email to respect boundaries for the sake of her husband and his fiancee (me) It's just a curious thing that she would be doing this now when he's newly engaged.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #9  October 26,2011, 6:30am
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USCPharmD wrote :
My fiance shared with me an email he just received from his ex-girlfriend (and the response he sent her) where she states she would like to "reconnect our friendship". Their relationship did NOT end amicably 3 years ago, she got engaged 3 months later and eventually got married, he was very emotionally affected, and they have not communicated since the break-up.

My question is: What would motivate her to reach out to him now?
As Emma and some of the others have said, the reasons are endless... only she knows what motivated her.

I suspect that b/c the relationship didn't end well and she immediately jumped into another, she might be looking for some closure now. Likely the rose-colored glasses of the *new* relationship are off and she's reminiscing about the past... wondering what could have been.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #10  October 26,2011, 10:06am
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Without knowing their relationship was its impossible to say wy.

Say they were long time high school sweethearts, or were friends long before their relationship and she misses that friendship.

They shared many common friends that have torn up the group because of their split and her friends torment her on making ammends so the group can be back together and socialize together and the shared friends dont have to choose.


As others said she be having marital problems now and misses the good times with him and either wants t sheat or go back to him. What was the real reason for their breakup?

He may not want to because he knows he still has strong feelings for her and doesnt even want to risk it with you.

i am one that does believe former lovers can be friends.
 
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