PHILLYKATE is offline PHILLYKATE Post #1  October 21,2011, 12:38pm
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Has anyone ever wondered why they are alone? I'm 50 years old and I've been wondering a lot lately what I could have done wrong to end up with no relationship/man in my life. I've only had a few relationships over the years. Memories of one of those past relationships still haunt me to this day. I always thought someone would come along, but no one has as of yet. I guess I haven't given up completely, but everyday, I seem to get a little sader and a little more lonely than the day before. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

Kate
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  October 21,2011, 1:58pm
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Oh, Kate,....not again. There's a couple other guys our age from the Philly area that frequent this board (maybe not so much lately though because it sux so bad), but just hang around here a bit and trade some banter. Maybe something will pop up.
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #3  October 21,2011, 2:02pm
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PHILLYKATE wrote :
Has anyone ever wondered why they are alone? I'm 50 years old and I've been wondering a lot lately what I could have done wrong to end up with no relationship/man in my life. I've only had a few relationships over the years. Memories of one of those past relationships still haunt me to this day. I always thought someone would come along, but no one has as of yet. I guess I haven't given up completely, but everyday, I seem to get a little sader and a little more lonely than the day before. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

Kate
Having the mindset of wondering what you've done wrong is probably what has hindered you the most, especially if you have a relationship that haunts you. That's called baggage and if you can't let go of that then you're holding yourself back. The reality is, if you aren't extremely good looking, you have to do more work to sell your value to people which requires effort. If you sit back expecting someone to fall in your lap then you could potentially wait a long time, and maybe forever. I think if you want something then you can't expect someone to do it for you, you need to put forth as much effort as everyone else, regardless of gender. With that said, it doesn't sound like you're emotionally healthy enough to even make a HEALTHY relationship work, in which case, they may potentially end up like previous ones. I'm never one to really suggest people seek professional help as I believe time heals all wounds, but you may want to consider it since it sounds like your past is really preventing you from moving forward, if that makes sense.

Hope this helps a bit.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #4  October 21,2011, 3:10pm
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PHILLYKATE wrote :
Has anyone ever wondered why they are alone? I'm 50 years old and I've been wondering a lot lately what I could have done wrong to end up with no relationship/man in my life. I've only had a few relationships over the years. Memories of one of those past relationships still haunt me to this day. I always thought someone would come along, but no one has as of yet. I guess I haven't given up completely, but everyday, I seem to get a little sader and a little more lonely than the day before. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

Kate
What about all those great suggestions you got from everyone on your other recent post Ending Up Alone???

Many of us shared all the things we do to keep active, social, and even if we are alone...we aren't lonely..

I'm worried about you as you seem to be focused so much on the negative...

I would think maybe a therapist at this point might be able to help you or a Dr.s appt. to see if there is actual depression. It may be that you need both therapy and/or medication to help get you back on your feet again as it's not normal to have this affecting your life on a daily basis.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  October 21,2011, 3:21pm
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- Waiting for stuff to come to you / taking no effort on your own. This leads to missed opportunites at best, and active disinterest from others.

- Not being interesting or desirable. If you're going to be active online, be active and either funny or interesting. Same goes in the real world: what do you do differently compared to people who do have options?
 
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Co6aka is online now Co6aka Post #6  October 21,2011, 3:29pm
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PHILLYKATE wrote :
Has anyone ever wondered why they are alone?
In 2007 I got a dog; I haven't been alone since. (Humans are highly overrated. )
 
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softwarmbreeze is offline softwarmbreeze Post #7  October 21,2011, 8:06pm
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Let me tell you a little story..I was in a relationship that lasted 3 years. I thought I was going to marry the guy...Well, that didn't happen..He literally kicked me to the curb..Sadness,pain,life was overwhelming..I had to go see someone...a therapist who helped sooo much. I did give myself time, about 3 years to just get myself together. I do have a boyfriend now, thanks to friends setting me up with him. It certainly isn't perfect but it adds a lot to my life. A few things I learned about myself: I don't need a man and most importantly....I make a choice on what I do. Because of what happened in my past I will never neglect my friends and family. If I make plans with friends or family the guy comes in second meaning I don't change my plans for him. And it works out well. It is a respect thing. Trust yourself that "This too Shall Pass"....Think more of yourself and take care of yourself...Something could easily fall right into your lap. It did for me and if you would of told me that 3 years ago I would of never believed you. Hang in there and stay strong!I know EXACTLY what you are going thru. Good luck and best wishes for you!
 
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savman is offline savman Post #8  October 21,2011, 9:00pm
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Love yourself, if you don't, make changes in yourself until you do. Loving yourself is the quickest road to allowing others to love you. And if all else fails, you are alone with someone you love.

If that takes self reflection, then self reflect, if it takes help from a professional, then find one, if it takes a month in an Indian Buddhist compound, go there and do that.

You know why "Just Do It" is a great marketing slogan?..........because it is what everyone should do, and wants to do, and way too few actually do.
 
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suzyque is online now suzyque Post #9  October 21,2011, 9:26pm
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I guess my advice is to not revel in your aloneness. So what, your alone that is no reason to be unhappy. Life is far too short to not be happy whatever our relationship status. That is not to say you don't yearn to be part of a couple. That's normal. But you can still have a happy life until that happens. Coupling won't happen until you're content because the opposite sex can sense sadness

One thing I'm learning is that happiness is a choice and it is not determined by what is going on (or not going on) in life.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #10  October 21,2011, 9:36pm
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I don't know if you're feeling this way because you don't have a relationship, or because you have been dissatisfied with your dates. Can you tell us a little about that?
 
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