j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #41  October 24,2011, 5:06pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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harnomygirl wrote :
I'm not lonely, but I am drifting. My whole life changed and I don't have an over-riding purpose or even multiple roles to choose from anymore. It's not awful, because I don't see how it's possible it could last forever, but I don't really enjoy the feeling. Do you?

I try to have little goals, and as much fun or quiet time as I like, and not think about what my big goals are supposed to be. I've never not had something outside of myself to think about before and it feels weird actually to have to search for that. Surely I'm too young for that. It's the sort of thing a retiree should have to think about.
Yes, actually, I do enjoy my time alone now. I need it; this is my "restorative" time...just for me.

I "drift"...I simply don't know if I have it in me to grow so close to another living, breathing, human being again as I was with my late husband. And until I am able to "give" what is required, what a man deserves when he loves a woman...I cannot possibly inflict myself on him. It would be neither fair nor honorable. So I take this time; my heart has to heal its wound.

But I have an edge. I'm retired; have been since my late 40s. I live in a 55+ community, and at 60...I'm one of the young ones. We moved here in 2004, thinking it would be a good place to start over (if one of us had to do that)...alone, someday. I have Opportunity to meet people of both sexes in my appropriate age group every time I set foot outside my door.

So I have a plan we worked out together. I am living the "plan"...I am not completely "adrift". The "plan" is like a rudder; it gives me guidance, and steers me in the right direction.

MicMan wrote :
I really like the idea of having small goals. It can give a sense of some pride and accomplishment when those goals are achieved. Smaller goals can also lead to more focus in trying to achieve a larger task.
Yes; baby steps. I started writing poetry after my husband died. That led me to join both a Writing Group and a Poetry Group, and both expanded my social circle.

And some of my poetry is good enough to have been published. Even when it's not...even when it's just for me or somebody close to me...I can take pride in an ability I did not know I had until after my husband died.

j8a
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #42  October 24,2011, 5:14pm
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is upbeat and happy despite the smell of mendacity in the warm spring air!...:)

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j0hn8andy wrote :
Yes, actually, I do enjoy my time alone now. I need it; this is my "restorative" time...just for me.

I "drift"...I simply don't know if I have it in me to grow so close to another living, breathing, human being again as I was with my late husband. And until I am able to "give" what is required, what a man deserves when he loves a woman...I cannot possibly inflict myself on him. It would be neither fair nor honorable. So I take this time; my heart has to heal its wound.

But I have an edge. I'm retired; have been since my late 40s. I live in a 55+ community, and at 60...I'm one of the young ones. We moved here in 2004, thinking it would be a good place to start over (if one of us had to do that)...alone, someday. I have Opportunity to meet people of both sexes in my appropriate age group every time I set foot outside my door.

So I have a plan we worked out together. I am living the "plan"...I am not completely "adrift". The "plan" is like a rudder; it gives me guidance, and steers me in the right direction.



Yes; baby steps. I started writing poetry after my husband died. That led me to join both a Writing Group and a Poetry Group, and both expanded my social circle.

And some of my poetry is good enough to have been published. Even when it's not...even when it's just for me or somebody close to me...I can take pride in an ability I did not know I had until after my husband died.

j8a
Hey j8a...nice to see you're still here!!!!!!

...and yes...I have been reading your poetry for what seems like ages on the boards and I always enjoy your prose...

Great post! (and get yourself published gurl...toot sweet...you have a natural gift for words and you know it!...)
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #43  October 24,2011, 9:37pm
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No clue how to respond to this... I appreciate your perspective & will leave it at that.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #44  October 25,2011, 4:42am
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We are different people, too. We want different things. Some people love being married and do it very well. I hate it. And I'm not particularly good at it. If you've never been married you've no idea of whether you will like it or if you'll be any good at it. The comfort and companionship that lots of people find in it just sufficates me and makes me feel like I'm in a cage. The very thing that made my earlier years so difficult now makes these years so wonderful. I never felt the sort of love for any man that could compare to the love I have for my children. I've never gotten the true friendship from a boyfriend or husband that I have from my best friends (male and female). It's not that they haven't been great men, but the love is so tenuous that it doesn't achieve depth to carry it through the years. I know this is not the case for lots of people and they have very different experiences. I date and enjoy sex and have a casual approach as it suits my needs. I wonder if quite a few people that find themselves without a permanent partner at this age simply never needed one at all. We usually find a way to get what we need.
 
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